You have a beard.You have a big beard.You have a moustache, but no beard, because everyone else has a beard.You have glasses.You have large glasses.You have large, expensive glasses.You have large glasses you just found in a vintage shop or in your dad’s drawers or something.You wear large glasses even though you don't need them.You wear skinny jeans.You wear jeans so skinny you have to jump to get in and use gravity to help you out.You have a plaid shirt.You think plaid shirts are so 2011.You think that plaid shirts are due a comeback.You have a collarless shirt.You have a collarless plaid shirt.You don’t have a collarless plaid shirt, but now you want one.Most of your clothes are vintage.They’re not vintage, they’re just second-hand!Your coat is fashionable, but not very practical.Your shoes aren’t waterproof.You thanked the lord the day you discovered that trainers were both trendy and waterproof.You own dungarees.You wear crop tops regularly.You have cut a T-shirt to make it a crop top.You’ve worn a tattoo choker in the last year.You have a job in the media.You have a job in a startup tech company.You have a job in the music industry.You have a job that no one else understands.You’re a bartender, but are trying for one of these jobs.You’re doing something arty.You are actually an artist.You have more Twitter followers than Facebook friends.You have more Instagram followers than Facebook friends.You don’t use social media.You don’t use social media because you don't want THE MAN stalking you.You’re in a band.You want to be in a band.You cycle a lot.You own a road bike.You own a vintage road bike.You own a fixie bike.You own a vintage fixie bike.You want a vintage fixie bike, and spend a lot of time on eBay looking at them.You have a top knot.Your top knot is very messy.You want to make your top knot messier.You have a bowl cut.You have a very short fringe.You have a man bun.It’s not a man bun, it’s an edgy Mulan!You are working on growing your hair so you have have a man bun.You love your man bun more than some of your relations.You like bands that your mum hasn’t heard of.You like bands that none of your friends have heard of.You don’t like One Direction.You tell your friends you don’t like One Direction, but secretly you do!You tell your friends you like One Direction ironically.You don’t like One Direction but still want their hair.You may have taken a picture of Zayn to the hairdressers.You took a picture of Li Shang from Mulan to the hairdressers.You have a vinyl collection.You have a vinyl collection but no record player.You still listen to music on cassette tapes.You like the quality of the sound on tapes, alright?!You make people mixtapes.Full of bands they have never heard of.Full of bands they have heard of, but you put them on there ironically.You have some kind of undercut.You have a colourful streak in your hair.You live in a trendy part of town.You live in a part of town that your estate agent assured you would be trendy soon.You only drink black coffee.You like drinking out of jam jars.You just drink out of jam jars because it’s good for the planet.You drink out of jam jars ironically.You can tell the country different coffees come from.You only drink craft beer.Except when you're ironically drinking cheap tinnies.You self-define as a hipster.You definitely aren’t a hipster.You self-define as a hipster ironically.Your whole life is ironic.You like kale.
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