1.
Let your date know you’re cultured by taking her to the symphony and saying “oh okay cool they’re doing it that way” when the oboes kick in
2.
your dating profile: i LOVE adventures me: sounds like i'd have to do stuff. next-->
3.
date: you look upset me: [thinking about how she just covered her fries in ketchup instead of putting it on the side] it's nothing
4.
[first date] are you mad at me?
5.
*first date* Guy: I like a girl who's good with money Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can't identify your body
6.
Him: Let's do it doggy-style Me: I prefer catty-style Him: oo what's tha- Me: *already pushing him off the bed*
7.
*lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU
8.
DATE: I love women that are extremely honest ME: [winking seductively] You are wearing too much cologne & it's giving me a headache
9.
date: i love your shoes! me: ugh, these old things? they were free date: take the compliment! me: no like a kid stole them, threw them over a guard rail & they hit me on the head date: what?? me: ya turns out they used to belong to some basketball star date: this is ‘holes’
10.
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
11.
[in bed] Me: Alexa, tell him where the clit is.
12.
Date: I love car chase action scenes Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here
13.
[ikea date] him: let’s go check out the beds ;) me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?
14.
[me experimenting with dirty talk] Hey pal. You ok? You ok In there?
15.
DATE: I love playful women ME: [dusting off an old porcelain doll in my purse & setting it on the table] Oh so you won't mind that Cynthia joins us then-
16.
Date: why do you guard your plate every time the waiter walks past? Me: *remembering the time he took it when I still had some ketchup left* we can’t trust this guy Brian
17.
(holding hands star gazing) Her: Watcha thinkin' about? Me: *looks in her eyes* Potato chips.
18.
date: do you like a little danger? me: sure do. danger’s my middle name... unfortunately my first name’s stranger. and your mother probably warned you about me
19.
[date] HER: I absolutely love Star Wars ME: Oh me too HER: What's your favorite part? ME: *nervously* Uh, when the stars go to war
20.
me: goes on a date group chat: 👀👀👀👀👀👀 me:
21.
dates 1-4: let me tell u about my extremely normal hobbies and interests date 5: i don't think the moon is real