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How Totally Over This Shit Are You?

On a scale of one to fuck it: Where are you right now?

Posted on
  1. Check off everything you’re “over”:

    Check
    Cupcakes that have too much or too little icing.
    Check
    Coffee that’s about to become lukewarm.
    Check
    Organic options at a restaurant.
    Check
    The smell of applesauce.
    Check
    When someone cracks their knuckles slowly and one at a time.
    Check
    Coconut water.
    Check
    Anything regarding the World Cup.
    Check
    The phrase “girl crush.”
    Check
    The word "bae."
    Check
    Getting a food craving immediately after you've brushed your teeth.
    Check
    When the fan is just too...noisy.
    Check
    People born in 1991.
    Check
    People who say, "We need más margaritas."
    Check
    Parades.
    Check
    Fireworks.
    Check
    Photos of Komodo dragons.
    Check
    Squeezing out too much lotion, and then having to wipe some on your pants.
    Check
    The word "surfbort."
    Check
    Crunchy peanut butter.
    Check
    People who correct you over trivial shit.
    Check
    Couples who read books together.
    Check
    Reality shows about Amish people.
    Check
    Company barbecues.
    Check
    When a lemon wedge doesn't have ~quite~ enough juice.
    Check
    Pulitzer Prize winners, in general.
    Check
    People who say they're going on a "Starbucks run."
    Check
    Trying to remember the security code on the back of a credit card.
    Check
    When Twitter is over capacity.
    Check
    Trying to figure out where to eat your lunch.
    Check
    When your morning stretch in bed isn't nearly as satisfying as you'd hoped.
    Check
    People who are trying to grow a beard.
    Check
    When someone catches you unbuttoning your pants because you ate too much.
    Check
    When there aren't enough toppings on your frozen yogurt, but you don't want to ask for more and look like a fatty.
    Check
    People who describe themselves as former fat kids.
    Check
    Baby red pandas, in general.
    Check
    When it's hot enough to feel warm, but not enough to actually sweat.
    Check
    When you can see someone's nipples through their shirt and have to try not to look.
    Check
    Jake Gyllenhaal's career.
    Check
    When someone types "BRB."
    Check
    Hyphenated last names.
    Check
    People who blink a lot.
    Check
    Anything served in a ceramic bowl.
    Check
    People who hate cats.
    Check
    Skinny jeans that are actually way too skinny.
    Check
    Actually, just the word "skinny."
    Check
    Zumba classes.
    Check
    Waiting in line for brunch.
    Check
    Making your own "jorts."
    Check
    Forgetting your lunch at home.
    Check
    Neil Patrick Harris.
    Check
    Living in Brooklyn.
    Check
    Swiping left when you should've swiped right.
    Check
    Complicated hashtags.
    Check
    Discarded banana peels.
    Check
    Sodas that you think are full that are actually empty.
    Check
    Running out of ketchup.
    Check
    French onion soup that has too little cheese.
    Check
    Summer colds.
    Check
    Cats that walk like horses.
    Check
    Sarah Paulson in "American Horror Story."
    Check
    Collars on shirts.
    Check
    D-list celebrity Kickstarter projects.
    Check
    Bathing suits that give you wedgies.
    Check
    Tom Hiddleston memes.
    Check
    The word "yaaass."
    Check
    Your bullshit.
    Check
    Ramen packages that don't have the chicken flavor packet in them.
    Check
    The heels on a loaf of bread.
    Check
    Red sneakers that are slightly faded and look pink.
    Check
    Jennifer Lopez looking content.
    Check
    Fox canceling shows.
    Check
    Dogs that are smaller than cats.
    Check
    People named "Madison."
    Check
    Jon Snow's whole life.
    Check
    Montage sequences of apple orchards.
    Check
    Trying to play Jenga and realizing there are some bricks missing.
    Check
    Men who wear bad wigs.
    Check
    Ice cream sandwiches that are too big.
    Check
    The movie "Love Actually."
    Check
    Ten dollar delivery charges.
    Check
    Anyone attending Bonnaroo.
    Check
    Yes or No questions.
    Check
    High heels after 15 minutes.
    Check
    Being bad at Crossfit.
    Check
    The fact that Crossfit exists.
    Check
    "Game of Thrones" pickup lines.
    Check
    Beyoncé being better than you.
    Check
    Wine stains on your mouth that no one tells you about.
    Check
    Taking care of plants.
    Check
    Reply-all emails.
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    A microwave that won't heat evenly.
    Check
    Meryl Streep winning things.
    Check
    When you can't fit an entire sushi roll in your mouth.
    Check
    Burritos falling apart in your hands.
    Check
    Getting ex-sexts at work.
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    Running out of toilet paper.
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    Having to reset your oven clock for Daylight Savings Time.
    Check
    Touching a towel that's still slightly wet.
    Check
    People who talk to you when you're trying to pee.
    Check
    People, in general.
 
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