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Dec 19, 2014

32 Men On TV Who Made You Thirsty In 2014

Call the fire department, because we're all gonna need to get hosed down after this.

1. Rafael Solano (Justin Baldoni), Jane the Virgin

The CW / Via

What makes him hot: Rafael is a rich, sexy-as-hell hotel owner who SURVIVED CANCER.

Thirst level: Somebody fetch the lifeguard, because there’s no water in this pool and girl has got to DRINK.

2. Daario (Michiel Huisman), Game of Thrones


What makes him hot: His beard. And eyes. And the way his beard and eyes stare into your soul as he removes his shirt, in general.

Thirst level: You just accidentally swallowed a whole slice of jalapeño in your spicy margarita. Legit nothing can quench this thirst, and that's probably because Huisman was hot in not one, but three shows this year (he was also Cal on Orphan Black and Liam McGuinnis on Nashville). #trulyblessed

3. Barry Allen (Grant Gustin), The Flash

The CW
The CW

What makes him hot: Barry is nerdy in that Superman kinda way, where when he's wearing glasses he's hot, and when he takes them off he's still fucking hot.

Thirst level: Even camel humps dry out around this guy.

4. Wes Gibbins (Alfred Enoch), How to Get Away With Murder


What makes him hot: Wes should never wear clothes. Can lawyers practice law in a towel? They should be allowed to.

Thirst level: This is a situation where you're a goldfish and you thought, Hey, I'll just jump outside my bowl for a sec, only to realize as you're gasping for water that you just JUMPED OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BOWL.

5. Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan), Outlander


What makes him hot: He's got a very heavy Scottish accent, to the point where you can barely understand him (and that's OK!). Plus, his hair has a tinge of ginge. What's not to like about that?

Thirst level: The thirst is like going on a hike up a steep mountainside, reaching the top, and opening your water bottle to take a sip only to drop that bottle and watch it slide down the fucking mountain.

6. Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal), Game of Thrones


What makes him hot: He's down to try ~whatever~, so long as it's a good time. (RIP, but Pascal will be on Netflix's Narcos this coming year, at least!)

Thirst level: Getting caught in a sandstorm and accidentally swallowing a mouth full of sand. You will neither recover nor escape the intense gaze of Oberyn, nor will you want to, TBH.

7. Danny Castellano (Chris Messina), The Mindy Project


What makes him hot: Boy can dance, and is a doctor. 'Nuff said.

Thirst level: Watching Danny dance is a workout in and of itself. Except there's a motherfucking line at the water fountain and you aren't getting satisfied any time soon.

8. Cullen Bohannan (Anson Mount), Hell on Wheels

AMC / Via

What makes him hot: Cullen's a manly man — he drinks whiskey, knows how to use a gun, and has manners for days.

Thirst level: It's that thing where some hot guy with a beard, let's call him Cullen, takes a sip of water and spills a little on his beard. You go to lick it off, but it's too late: That water is gone and you are left parched as hell.

9. Richie Ventura (Raúl Castillo), Looking


What makes him hot: Richie is no-bullshit, and he certainly won't put up with anyone else's.

Thirst level: Actually licking condensation off of your car window in the morning because the thirst for Richie to look at you is more real than anything you've ever felt.

10. Rust Cohle (Matthew McConaughey), True Detective


What makes him hot: Rust is the ultimate bad boy, in that you'll never really know him, and you kinda don't want to. (McConaughey is off True Detective, but god is good, so Colin Farrell will be leading the hot man brigade in Season 2.)

Thirst level: Car dead on the highway and it's been over an hour in the burning sun. Know who doesn't give a shit? Rust Cohle, and I'm totally OK with that.

11. Oliver Queen (Stephen Amell), Arrow

The CW

What makes him hot: He's a rich and charming dude, but he's also a superhero and, ya know, survived a couple of years of hell on an island.

Thirst level: You just ate a handful of pretzels in the middle of a work meeting, and have to wait it the fuck out. Luckily, there are visions of Ollie training to kick some ass, which help.

12. Connor Walsh (Jack Falahee), How to Get Away With Murder


What makes him hot: Connor is willing to do anything — and I do mean anything — to get information out of people.

Thirst level: You go to lick your cracked lips — you're so thirsty!!! — but there's just no moisture to be had.

13. Paul Spector (Jamie Dornan), The Fall


What makes him hot: Paul is a serial killer, but also... hot.

Thirst level: The sound of running water mid-jog, and never being able to find the source.

14. Kaleb (Daniel Sharman), The Originals

The CW
The CW

What makes him hot: Sharman is constantly playing supernatural creatures (a wolf on Teen Wolf, now a vamp... keep it up!), and each time, he gets more brooding in the best way possible.

Thirst level: Flashing for beads at Mardi Gras, and having those beads fall into your drink. :(

15. Joe MacMillan (Lee Pace), Halt and Catch Fire


What makes him hot: He's got that whole visionary-slash-mysterious-dude thing going, and it's delicious.

Thirst level: It's Joe MacMillan actually tightening his hands around your throat, and knowing you're in his grasp, but can't do anything about it. Although Joe most definitely did do something about it on Halt and Catch Fire... thank the gods.

16. Jason Neville (JD Pardo), Revolution

NBC / Via

What makes him hot: Jason really knew how to use that bow and arrow and, like, you want to be that bow OR that arrow. RIP Revolution and Jason, but pro tip: Pardo and his arms will be back in 2015 on The CW's The Messengers.

Thirst level: Waking up in a post-apocalyptic world with no running water and nightfall is imminent.

17. Ragnar Lothbrok (Travis Fimmel), Vikings

History Channel

What makes him hot: He's a viking conquerer, for one thing, and his ponytail doesn't hurt either...

Thirst level: Making a s'more in front of a raging fire, taking a bite of that s'more, and feeling your mouth and throat close up in gooey chocolate. Then, wanting to rub that chocolate all over Ragnar's chest, into his beard, and sail off with him and his vikings into the great beyond.

18. Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen), Hannibal


What makes him hot: Hannibal is a straight-up serial killer and cannibal who's both genius and absolutely terrifying. But have you seen his cheekbones? Or his skills in the kitchen (sure, it's probably a human he's cooking, but that shit looks damn tasty!)?

Thirst level: This thirst is like going camping, searching for your water bottle, then locking eyes with a mountain lion: You know you must run, but you know that will only make you thirstier.

19. Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus), The Walking Dead

AMC / Via

What makes him hot: His hair is just always... perfect. It's the zombie apocalypse, but it just falls perfectly to frame his face. Look, it's his hair, OK?

Thirst level: Have you ever played a game of tag, and within five minutes, you're covered in dirt and panting? That's what it is to look at Daryl and his leather vests: all panting, all the time.

20. Marcel Gerard (Charles Michael Davis), The Originals

The CW / Via

What makes him hot: Basically any time Marcel smiles, or bites someone, or gets protective over Davina (Danielle Campbell), it's all hot.

Thirst level: It's watching your cat drink out of your glass of water, and knowing that water was never yours in the first place.

21. John Diggle (David Ramsey), Arrow

The CW

What makes him hot: Diggle is a vision in a suit and without. Thank you, Arrow.

Thirst level: Fever of 103, seeing purple dragons in your room, and all you need is a glass of H2O so you can wash down the Tylenol.

22. Ryan Geauxinue (Julian Morris), New Girl


What makes him hot: Ryan is a hot teacher, aka everyone's secret fantasy in college.

Thirst level: Seeing his scruff is like being in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and being presented with a river of Ryan. (You know you're diving into that damn river, Augustus Gloop.)

23. Nick Hawley (Matt Barr), Sleepy Hollow


What makes him hot: He's incredibly self-involved, and the kind of guy you'd meet at a bar, take home, and have the best time of your life with, only to wake up and discover his "home" is a houseboat, and you're surrounded by supernatural relics.

Thirst level: Just played a game of soccer, need-those-damn-orange-slices-and-Gatorade kind of thirst.

24. Jake Ballard (Scott Foley), Scandal


What makes him hot: He loves Olivia (Kerry Washington) so much, which is sexy, but he's also pretty chill despite the fact that he's sharing his girlfriend with the president.

Thirst level: Literally being stranded on a desert island, and the only coconut in sight is up a damn tree. That is Olivia Pope's actual reality, and I could not be more thirsty about it.

25. Castiel (Misha Collins), Supernatural

The CW

What makes him hot: Castiel is funny, and weird, and perfect eye candy for fellow weirdos everywhere.

Thirst level: Being the Wicked Witch of the West, and wanting to take a shower, but knowing you'll fucking melt.

26. Cole Lockhart (Joshua Jackson), The Affair


What makes him hot: He's a legit COWBOY on this show. Like, he has a cowboy hat and rides horses. 'Nuff said.

Thirst level: Taking a cross country drive and making a detour in a small town called Capeside for a lunch break, only to have a Twilight Zone moment where you discover that no, there are no people left here.

27. Caleb Rivers (Tyler Blackburn), Pretty Little Liars

ABC Family
ABC Family

What makes him hot: His being oh-so-adorable with Hanna (Ashley Benson) is a big plus, and the hacker thing doesn't hurt either.

Thirst level: Elbowing your coffee and watching helplessly as it spills all over your laptop, not knowing whether to be more angry about the computer or the lack of coffee.

28. Cary Agos (Matt Czuchry), The Good Wife


What makes him hot: Cary is that annoyingly hot overachiever you went to school with, who you then discover sometimes likes to take hallucinogenics and you're like, "Oh... OH. Yes."

Thirst level: Taking a hit and feeling overwhelming dry mouth, just as your parents get home.

29. Captain Hook (Colin O'Donoghue), Once Upon a Time


What makes him hot: He's a swashbuckling pirate, for one. He also wears the hell out of some eyeliner. He's basically the confident rockstar who also happens to know how to sail.

Thirst level: Stranded in the middle of the ocean, with all the sea water you can get, and no actual water.

30. Henry Higgs (John Cho), Selfie


What makes him hot: He's your office crush — the one who's a little annoying, but also makes you laugh. You want him on your desk right now, tbh. (RIP Selfie, but Cho will be in a movie called Zipper next year.)

Thirst level: Your-Tinder-love-just-invited-you-to-drinks-on-a-night-when-you-already-have-plans kind of thirst.

31. Dom (Murray Bartlett), Looking


What makes him hot: Hello, daddy issues. I didn't know you existed until Dom came into my life. Maybe it's his 'stache. Or his silver chest hair. Or all of it.

Thirst level: Fell asleep in the sauna and all the moisture has been sucked out of your body, but you're too weak to move.

32. Jax Teller (Charlie Hunnam), Sons of Anarchy

FX / Via

What makes him hot: Sweet sassy molassey, where to begin? He rides a motorcycle, has an ass that won't quit, and loves his mom. All around A+ dude. (I will miss this show, and the ass shots on this show.)

Thirst level: You've just crawled through the desert toward a cactus, only to find that there's no water in that damn thing. You're dead now. RIP.

And because I love you, here's a NSFW gif of Charlie and his buns.

FX / Via

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