22 Important Reasons Why No One Should Ever Wear Flip-Flops
Because there's no such thing as a classy thong for your feet.
When you wear flippies to the beach, this is how they repay you.
And then if you try to wear any other type of shoe, your feet will look like monsters.
This is not cute. All I can think about is athlete's foot...
And your chipped polish, and that weird Band-Aid.
Kitten heels don't make them look any more tantalizing.
This is what happens when you try to stand up in flip-flops.
Or just move, in general.
Yeah, flip-flops are the fucking worst.
You'll also probably die.
This is the obnoxious sound a flip-flop makes, and only adorable children can get away with it.
Unless you want someone with a foot fetish to suck on your feet, then don't wear thongs on your toes.
There's no such thing as a classy flip-flop.
But there is a "fancy" flip-flop, which looks like a piñata vomiting up taffy.
OH GOD, PLEASE JUST STOP THIS!!
Flip-flops are the easiest way to make you look like the opposite of a badass.
They also manage to make impossibly handsome people, like Zac Efron, look like fucking idiots.
Or classy ladies, like Susan Sarandon, look like they've just wandered out of some vile hippie hut on the beach.
If you wear them to work, you'll get fired*.
Silver fox Anderson Cooper thinks they're "gross" and "disgusting."
It's probably because they emphasize your Hobbit-esque toes.
Do you want to look like a filthy vagabond? Because that's what'll happen when you wear flip-flops.
SERIOUSLY, THIS IS DISGUSTING, LET'S JUST ALL STOP WEARING THESE.
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