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Please teach me how to be cooler, birds!!!!!
You're what my anxiety would look like if it was a physical, feathered thing. I want to eat your egg yolk eyes.
Cool mustache!!! I bet you ride a motorcycle powered by organic coffee grinds.
I'm crying. I'm literally crying. I have never loved anything as much as I love you. Please be my husband.
Oh HELL yeah. I wish I could grow down into a teenager so I could decorate the walls of my bedroom with posters of you and that hair.
Goth snake bird!!! Sell me some fake weed behind the movie theatre, you are so much cooler than I'll ever be.
You look like a very expensive umbrella. Or an old man who only buys very expensive umbrellas. Either way, I could never afford you.
Are you pointy? Are you smooth? You are so convertible, rich white dudes want to drive around in you while wearing golf tees and sun-bleached visors.
Oh WOW are you a president? A bird president? Because I already voted for you in the 2020 election.
I don't care how many of your rich husbands you've murdered, I still want to be invited to your bridge parties. I'd laugh too loud at your jokes and steal a fancy towel from your bathroom to sleep with at night.
Your face is a kangaroo and I am so impressed. Give me a ride to the airport in that flesh bag, I promise to tip you 30%.
I would pretend to like jazz for you. I would go vegan and only drink smokey whiskeys even though they taste like a campfire. You have such power over me.
WHERE did you get that TOP and CAN I PLEASE borrow it? SORRY that I'm YELLING for some reASON.
I am very scared of you, but the same way I'm scared of my own dad or, like, Denzel Washington. Here's my bank account number, I'm sorry.
Oh, I could relive my life 99 times and still never achieve this level of self-assured individuality. I'll just be over here drinking a smoothie on a park bench, googling "how to be cool" and watching you from afar.
Wow, OK!!! OK!!! Yes!!! Alright!!! Wait — What time is your band on?
Do you know how many Instagram followers you'd have if you had an Instagram and also a phone and also hands to hold a phone and also a basic understanding of technology? At least 500.
Did you fly directly off of the album cover for an experimental indie dream pop band? Because I'm sure I've never heard of them.
If you whipped me in the face with those tail feathers I'd consider it a privilege. Please be careful on escalators.
You're everything I want to be and more!!! Too much is happening and all of it is right! I have to go lie down.
I want my wedding vows projected on your billboard face. You're it. The original weird bird. I pray to you every night. God bless.