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This Relationship Checklist Knows How Long You've Been Dating Your S.O.

Raise your hand if you've ever seen your partner on the toilet.

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  1. Check off everything you and your significant other have done:
    Check
    You've stayed in on a Friday night just to spend time together.
    Check
    You've canceled existing plans with other people to stay in on a Friday night just to spend time together.
    Check
    You've accidentally worn very similar outfits at the same time.
    Check
    You've snuggled for less than five minutes and rolled to opposite sides of the bed so you could get a real night of sleep.
    Check
    You've survived a vacation together.
    Check
    You've survived an Ikea trip together.
    Check
    Your anniversary is like a bonus holiday and you actively look forward to it.
    Check
    You've burped in front of each other.
    Check
    You've farted in front of each other.
    Check
    You've peed in front of each other.
    Check
    You've shit in front of each other.
    Check
    You've done all these things without even pausing for a second to consider if it's weird.
    Check
    You've helped each other inspect strange bumps in hard-to-reach places.
    Check
    "When are you two getting married?"
    Check
    You have the story of how you met rehearsed and ready to go in your head.
    Check
    You've had to schedule time apart because apparently it's frowned upon to spend all your time with one person.
    Check
    You've had to defend monogamy in a drunken debate.
    Check
    None of your friends take your dating advice seriously because the last time you were single things were ~different~.
    Check
    You're never totally sure what to do on Valentine's Day.
    Check
    You know secret ways to cheer them up that wouldn't work on anyone else, like your Danny DeVito impression.
    Check
    There are dating apps that you've barely heard of.
    Check
    "How long have you guys been dating?"
    Check
    You can tell how the other is feeling just by looking at them.
    Check
    You can communicate by barely speaking.
    Check
    You can communicate without speaking at all.
    Check
    You share grooming products.
    Check
    Your inside jokes are horrible, but there's nothing funnier in the universe to you.
    Check
    It's physically impossible to embarrass yourself in front of them.
    Check
    You are comfortable talking to their parents on the phone.
    Check
    You regularly text members of their family.
    Check
    You have them listed as an emergency contact somewhere.
    Check
    "Where's your other half?"
    Check
    Money moves between you so frequently you have no idea whose is what.
    Check
    They know your deepest, darkest secret.
    Check
    You know theirs.
    Check
    You barely notice their morning breath anymore.
    Check
    You can talk about which strangers you find attractive without them getting jealous.
    Check
    You've had full conversations about your bodily functions.
    Check
    When you're together, pants are optional.
    Check
    You can successfully order a meal for them.
    Check
    They're the only ones who can talk about your insecurities without you drowning in a pool of self-loathing.
    Check
    You've fallen asleep during sex.
    Check
    You've purposely had sex in under five minutes.
    Check
    You've had "I just need to cum" sex.
    Check
    You can hold a conversation about their hobby because you've absorbed so much information about it.
    Check
    You've actually tried their hobby.
    Check
    You have weird names for each other that you never use in public.
    Check
    You've had to get them a towel because they forgot to bring one into the bathroom.
    Check
    Ditto: toilet paper.
    Check
    You think they look amazing first thing in the morning.
    Check
    You've murdered a hell bug together.
    Check
    You've binged an entire Netflix series together.
    Check
    "You're just hungry."
    Check
    You know their favorite color, food, and lucky number.
    Check
    You can't imagine being with anyone else.
 
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