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1.A lucky pickle pin, because you wouldn't choose just anything to bring you good fortune. You ~relish~ the unordinary.
2.A Keanus chart T-shirt to prove NO ONE knows him like you do. I think your ability to fit him into every reference is....most excellent.
3.An el.f. hydrating bubble mask for creating at LEAST 100 seconds on your Insta story with nothing but bubbly close-ups. You finally understand why people like selfies....this is why, right? ....Bubbles? 😳
4.A pair of dog sunglasses or a cat flower cap that'll make photoshoots with them so much more on brand. What are you going to do, take NORMAL pictures of them?! Get out of here.
5.An incredibly chic phone case so your phone aesthetics can match your ~cheeky~ texting humor. Anyone who doesn't get it is just falling behind.
6.A pack of fried chicken erasers, because you have a simply *delectable* sense of humor and should celebrate that. Anyone who disagrees is simply fowl.
7.A pair of futuristic earrings to rock when showing off your dad, I mean incredible, dance moves. Doing the robot is in, I promise.
8.A monster wine glass for all you vino-sauruses out there who can't make it through wine night without making constant puns. He would clap for you, but he...can't reach.
9.A meme cat embroidery that'll be the purrfect home decor for anyone with extremely sophisticated taste. Don't make me argue with you about it.
10.A Bawdy butt mask so Friday nights can always consist of this on your tush, "Bubble Butt" in the background, and a glass of chardonnay. It may be hard to dance with this on, but by golly you will SUCCEED.
11.And! A bust sheet mask, because self-care is covering your entire body in masks. If people are alarmed when they walk in on you, tell them it's called relaxing. Look it up.
12.An accordion sunshade to leave your car in the hands of the most reliable Assistant to the Regional Manager. If a bear comes along, he'll know exactly what to do.
13.A pair of salad tongs for proving Big Foot IS real and...apparently he's a vegetarian? This all makes sense to me.
14.A gorgeous shower curtain that'll really show off your amazing taste. I mean really, the Queen has nothing on you. Windsor could really use you.
15.A set of zombie ice pop molds so you can keep playing with your food to your heart's content. You'll stop when hell ~freezes~ over. *Cue weird zombie/munching noises*
16.Wreck This Journal, an extra creative journal, because this'll let you finally unleash ALL of your imagination without holding back. It just wants you to make an absolute mess in the best ways possible, like taking it with you in the shower, glueing your hair onto a page (yep), and really anything else you want to throw at it — literally.
17.A mini, wavy tube guy to mimic his excellent dancing to your heart's content at home. Though the dealership loved it when you danced in the parking lot. I promise.
18.A Tony Moly cleansing balm for incorporating your very mature ~taste~ into your skincare routine. Sure, it melts away makeup and nourishes your complexion with peach extracts. But I think I know what's on all of our minds 🍑.
19.A knit beanie that'll
be the perfect accessory when performing one of the strangest songs known to man. But, hey, it saved the planet. So who are we to judge?
20.An extremely niche subscription box so you can accessorize your ride with unique, scented air fresheners. Pimp My Ride would still be running if they used these, and that's a scientific fact.
21.A lovely dish towel, because this'll obviously speak to your very SOUL. Why even sleep if you're not going to dream about this?
22.A hippo bottle opener to make every wine night extra chic. Welcome to your first class in How To Be Classy 101.
23.A pet shop print for portraying an extremely normal situation in your everyday life. It's about time your living room showcased a fitting art collection.
24.A personalized sequin pillow that *could* be made for someone else, but let's be real, we're going to pick our own face. I do believe this is what people mean by pillow talk — just having a conversation with yourself.
26.A pair of SpongeBob or Gary socks, because anyone who WOULDN'T want these is simply a Squidward. "ThEY'rE NoT pRaCTicaL," they say.
27.Color The Stars: Danny Devito, an inspiring coloring book, to make de-stressing as normal as possible. It has 15 different designs (with two chances to color) of Danny over the years, so it's *basically* like you're spending A LOT of time with him. I think he'd agree.
28.A pair of Luna Lovegood sneakers for the perfect accessory while you sleepwalk. Or just while you work to prove the existence of Nargles.
29.A Cheshire Cat tumbler that'll only appear for people who use imagination as a weapon against reality.