Satisfyer Is Having An Up-To 40% Off Sale On Amazon So The Weekend Just Got A Little More Exciting

30% off *the* famous Satisfyer Pro 2 just cannot be passed up.

Friends, this is a *very* good morning because Satisfyer is having an up-to 40% off sale on some of everyone's favorite sex toys — and you can get them right on Amazon! Two-day shipping for this is very important, if you ask me.

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Just so you know, the original pricing won't show up for some of these on their Amazon listings, but you can check the prices on Satisfyer to be *sure* the discounts are legit!

This sale only lasts until Monday, so let's not waste time!

Not everything is on sale, so here are ~the best of the best~ that *are* included:

1. 30% off *the* Satisfyer Pro 2 for testing out how thick your apartment walls really are. Its wildly popular design acts as a ~sensual vacuum~ by delivering waves and pulsations nonstop — someone get us to the church on time, because we are MARRYING this crowd pleaser.

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Promising review: "Ok. Real talk. I NEVER write reviews. But it was reviews I read that led me to purchase this mystical device and now I feel like I have to share to encourage others. I have always had an incredibly difficult time reaching completion. Sometimes it can take me hours with high tech vibes and even then no guarantees. Fast forward to this device. I honestly didn’t know what to think when I inboxed it. Probably the first time I have ever read instructions on a sex toy. But I swear to all that is holy I finished two, TWO, back to back O’s in under 20 minutes. Which for me is a GD miracle. Then went on to a third while participating in the deed through some creative positioning. I think I might still be a little lightheaded. I cried and then decided to write this review. For anyone who is out there suffering and has tried it all, please buy this. I know it’s changed my life." —Samantha Cole

Get it from Amazon for $34.95 (originally $49.95 on Satisfyer).

2. 33% off an equally famous Satisfyer Penguin Air-Pulse Clitoris Stimulator that'll help beginners feel totally in control while exploring. It may be small (and cute???), but it is MIGHTY. Prepare to welcome your clitoris to a whole new world of pleasure — sorry, fingers.

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Promising review: "Holy $!*% y'all! I saw the reviews for this product and decided that I needed to try this out for 'science.' I ordered it, and when it came I charged it as instructed I went ahead and gave it a go. Now, to keep the experiment completely unbiased, I started from non aroused — nothing special happening physically or mentally or imaginatively. Just got comfortable and followed the instructions. And oh my damn! 0-100 REAL QUICK!! We are talking a single minute or less and I soaked my sheets! Now, that in itself has never happened to me before, let alone mere seconds from nothing to eruption! I was scared, amazed, flabbergasted; just completely SHOOK. So I pulled myself together, pulled off my sheets and got in the shower. I let a week or so go by before I tried again, thinking it was a one time thing, but I was plain wrong. Same deal, except this time I was prepared and laid a towel down. Bottom line — this little magical penguin has changed the game. It's worth every single cent." —M.

Get it from Amazon for $39.95 (originally $59.95 on Satisfyer).

3. 40% off a genuine leather vibrator so you can make every night "endless orgasms, but make it luxury". Its tip is made of medical-grade liquid silicone that'll greet your most sensitive areas with pure opulence — do you deserve anything less? Your other toys are in danger once you become acquainted with this fancy bb.

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It features pressure wave technology and is waterproof!

Promising review: "Yes this little guy is worth the money. It works 10x better than the next step down of this model. The pulsation and vibration are different than any other toy I've owned, and gives stimulation without the buzzy numb feeling. If you're someone who has to have clitoral stimulation to climax, this is your new best friend." —Sunshine

Get it from Amazon for $59.95 (originally $99.95 on Satisfyer; available in two colors).

4. 20% off a multi-use couples vibrator, because this'll quickly become your favorite toy that certainly won't ever be able to ~come between you~. In fact, thanks to its ability to deliver vibrations to both the clit and G-spot during penetration, this bb will ALWAYS be invited to join. Did I mention its impressive 100 vibration combinations?

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Promising review: "I really like this product! I bought it for my spouse and I, but I use it alone more than as a couple! Love the quality and the speeds." —Amanda Evans

Get it from Amazon for $39.95 (originally $49.95 on Satisfyer; available in three colors).

5. 20% off a finger-sized vibrator that'll feel totally intuitive while ~under the sheets~. It may be small, but it is EFFECTIVE thanks to its five speeds, 10 vibration styles, and straight shaft with a rounded tip that greets you with precise, stimulation. You're officially a believer in small packages.

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Promising review: "Effective, quiet, and sleek! Lots of power in a compact, cute package. A personal favorite (like most of the Satisfyer products I have)! You won’t be disappointed ;)." —Amazon Customer

Get it from Amazon for $23.95 (originally $29.95 on Satisfyer).

6. 20% off a powerful massager so you can realize within 60 seconds flat just why this is worth every penny. It has ~50~ vibration combinations, 10 vibration styles, and five intensities to keep you MORE than satisfied all night long.

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Promising review: "I love this. The settings are great. The vibrations are strong. I'm very happy. It's huge and heavy and it does feel like you're getting what you pay for. Definitely buy if you're on the fence." —Elizabeth

Get it from Amazon for $39.95 (originally $49.95 on Satisfyer).

Don't forget — you only have until Monday to score select Satisfyer toys for a pretty darn good price! Happy shopping, indeed.

Me reading the *very* promising review for the Satisfyer Penguin Air-Pulse Clitoris Stimulator like...

World of Wonder Entertainment

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.