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1. A sparkling-wine saver that will keep your bubblies bubbling so you can pop your prosecco any day of the week without resigning yourself to wasting the leftovers.
2. A pair of hooks for your AirPods to stop them from slip n' sliding right out of your ears, then onto the sidewalk, then somehow rolling into traffic, then under the wheel of a Ford Explorer, and — well. If you're constantly readjusting your AirPods cuz you have sweaty ears like mine, you get the gist.
3. An insulated soundproofing strip that easily sticks to the outer rims of your door so you no longer have to fall asleep to sound of your roommate loudly recording a podcast with someone over Skype.
4. An adjustable neck mount for your phone to rescue your poor arm from the ache of holding it up during endless FaceTimes — plus, now with your hands free, virtual dinner or drinks with friends will be a total breeze.
5. A hands-free grocery carrier that will make an entire massive grocery haul feel as manageable as a backpack, without requiring you to channel The Rock to get your yogurts in the door.
6. A beauty spatula to rescue that last lil' bit of foundation that no amount of wrestling with nozzles or the pull of gravity will free. It's been a lifetime of lost .05-ounce foundation scams, but now you can OUT-SCAM THE SCAM!!
7. A six-outlet wall charger designed specifically for larger chargers that also comes equipped with two USB fast-charging ports *and* a nightlight, so you can get rid of that ugly power strip on the floor you keep tripping on by your bed in the middle of the night.
8. A battery-operated depiller you can use to restore old fabrics to their former glory, instead of living with nice sweaters that all look like they got in a fight with a character on Sesame Street.
9. A selfie ring light, so you can finally stop feeling self-conscious on Zoom calls where all your friends look well-lit enough to live with the Kardashians and for some reason your apartment looks like a medieval dungeon.
10. A roll-on migraine stick made with peppermint, spearmint, and lavender oils to help you soothe away those vague headaches you've been trying to ignore until they go away.
11. A pack of NeuroGum made with a blend of caffeine and nootropics, designed to give you energy five times faster than regular coffee — without jitters or sluggishness afterward. That chronic 3 p.m. slump when you suddenly have the attention span of a goldfish just met its match.
12. A memory foam seat cushion for your tushy so effective at relieving pressure from your tailbone and back that you might not even realize how *much* of a problem you have with your current chair setup until you get that sweet, sweet relief.
13. A time-marked water bottle to remind you to stay hydrated during the day, so you can finally stop halfheartedly chugging water at the end of it and then waking up to pee three times a night.
14. A set of blue-light blocking glasses ideal for anyone who spends a lot of time on their computer (especially at night) and has surrendered to the sleep disruption. These will alleviate the eye strain and the blue light impact so you can get decent shut-eye again.
15. A hand massager to finally work out all the little aches and pains from typing or texting that have steadily gotten worse, but not bad enough that you've been motivated to find a solution yet.
16. A bottle of avocado hot sauce so you can add a bit of savory and a kick of spice to save all those meals you've been making that have gotten a little, well, boring. (No offense to microwave pizza! She's trying her best.)
17. A tiny (and adorable!!) cactus humidifier that operates on a USB cable, so you can keep the air in your space cozy and hydrating instead of just accepting that your nostrils are going to feel like sandpaper forever.
18. A set of adhesive cable clips you can stick to your desk to keep your charging cables locked in one convenient place, so your desk will no longer be a veritable jungle of cords that makes you wince every time you see it.
19. A set of Bottle Bright tablets so you can tackle all those stains on your bottles and travel mugs instead of quietly buying new ones every year when it seems like they're past the point of no return.
20. A bottle of wood polish that will make your all those long-scuffed up doors, hardwood floors, and furniture you've been turning a blind eye to look brand spanking new.
21. A blister-preventing balm so you can stop chanting "beauty is pain" to yourself every time you have to break in a pair of boots, sandals, or heels.
22. A bunch of Miracle-Gro "food spikes" that can bring plants as sad as the tree from A Charlie Brown Christmas back from the brink of death, and then will continuously feed them for 30 to 60 days as a bonus.
23. A produce-saver storage container designed to keep your fruits and veggies fresh way longer, so you can finally stop surrendering to the race against time when your produce goes bad faster than you can finish it.
24. A broom for pet and human hair that can work on any type of floor, but is specifically designed to pull up the kind of pet hair that's so deep in the carpet you've just learned to live with it. (Trust me, your actual carpet is probably a different color than you think.)
25. A set of dishwasher-cleaning tablets you can pop into a cycle with your dirty dishes to wipe out all the extra grime and that funky smell you were low-key hoping would just go away on its own.
26. A ring size adjuster for loose rings, so you can finally stop checking every eight minutes to make sure you're ring is, in fact, on your finger, and not rolling behind your furniture.
27. A set of bed bands that will lock your fitted sheets neatly into place so you can stop shoving the loose corners under your duvet whenever you're too tired to remake your whole bed in the morning.
28. A bottle of clear "shoe goo" to piece back any shoe you assumed was a goner after its top consciously uncoupled from its sole. Once this subtle glue dries, it locks the shoe back in place, *and* is totally waterproof and weatherproof to ~boot~.
29. A Pet House candle with scents engineered to cancel out all those miscellaneous pet odors like litter boxes, dog bed, and all those lil' sprinkles of pee that you've just accepted as "eau de basement" since your pet came into your home.
30. A set of slow cooker liners so you can finally go *ham* with all those hard-to-clean recipes in your slow cooker that you stopped making after a half hour of prep led to an hour of soaking and scraping the remnants clean.
31. A bottle of Londontown Kur smudge-correcting nail polish to basically vanish away those marks you get when you use your recently nail-polished hand to open a large bag full of chips a little too aggressively*, and just have to live with the blunder.
You @ all the problems in your life you're about to solve:
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