17 Cultured As Fuck Things To Do In London This Winter

Listen friends, people have been getting the marshmallow hot chocolate ratio wrong for years. The only place getting it right is Chin Chin, because they know 50:50 melty marshmallow to hot chocolate is the only good and proper way. Go, order one, be enlightened and never look back.

When: all day, every day, baby

Price: £3.90

Location: Camden

Every season I'm just waiting for Dominique Ansel's pastries because they always deliver. And this winter is no different. LOOK at this. Look at the mini santa religieuse with his little red santa hat. He's almost too cute to eat, but then they'll tell you he's filled with milk and cookies ganache and suddenly cuteness be damned the santa religieuse is going in your mouth.

When: Available until 31st December

Price: £6.20 take-away / £7.50 eat-in

Location: Belgravia

If there is even a little bah humbug in your soul, go to Kew and they will stamp it out with the most glowing parade of lights and Christmas cheer you have ever seen. If you have a grinch for a friend or relative, this is where you take them – it's a proven fact that everyone's heart grows three sizes when they walk though the light tunnel. There's also a vintage fairground, hot chocolate and mulled wine stalls and an incredible light show at The Palm House.

When: until 1st January

Price: £18.50

Location: Kew Gardens

Book here

If you like crowds and being charged through the nose, then yes, Winter Wonderland is great (sorry not sorry). But I am very short and resent paying five quid for a bog standard hot chocolate, and a few years ago I went and someone knocked said hot chocolate all over my festive jumper, so I picked up a handful of snow (ok...cold mushy mud) then and there and swore Scarlett O'Hara-style I would never return.

So, I go to Winterville instead. It's much cooler, has delicious Street Feast food which feels much more worth the *captive audience* prices charged, and is generally less crowded. Call me a hipster all you want, but no one has spilt a hot chocolate on me there ONCE you hear me? Not once.

When: on until January 1st

Price: Free entry, except after 6pm on Fridays and Saturdays when it’s £3. Food stalls are standard street food prices

Location: Clapham Comon

One of the most gorgeously Christmassy things to do this year is the winter cabin at York & Albany. It's basically a private cabin for up to six people – you arrive and are led through the restaurant and out into a courtyard, and it's like a fairylight-lit Christmas dream. Inside it's got everything; plush seating, blankets, a fully stocked bar trolley, and even silk dressing gowns to slip into. The food features hot sausage rolls,

Brilliantly, they also don't charge a surplus to be in the cabin. You just have to book it out, and choose one of the packages, which includes afternoon tea, cocktails and canapés, and dinner. Honestly, in London, £45 a head for your own private cabin plus dinner with three cocktails is fantastic, but if you're feeling less flush you can't go wrong with the £24-a-head elevenses (perfect for hobbits).

When: until Feb 16th

Price: Elevenses is £24 per person, lunch is £38 per person (inc. two cocktails), afternoon tea is £24 per person (including a mulled wine cocktail) and dinner is £45 per person (including three cocktails)

Location: Regent's Park

Book here

Winter is the time to eat your body weight in cheese and I won't hear otherwise. La Fromagerie is the holy grail of cheese locations – it's a cheese shop that also has a restaurant that serves fondue, cheese plates and more. But you know it's the fondue you want.

When: all the time

Price: £18.50 for a full fondue set

Location: Bloomsbury and Highbury

Book here

There's a glorious hidden rooftop space at Ham Yard Hotel that you can only get onto if you attend a ticketed event. And the ticketed event to buy is the Sipsmith Hot Gin Roof. Rooftops in winter may sound bonkers, but hear me out: there's roaring fire heaters, big cosy blankets, comfy sofas and glowing lanterns all over the place. They also hand out hot water bottles, and all the cocktails are hot. Hence the "hot gin".

Think hot gin espresso martinis, hot gin and tonics, and as of 2018, when the event returns, cocktails heated by a traditional hot poker. Again, sounds bonkers, but that's how they used to do it in the days of 'yore, and gives all the drinks a beautiful caramelised flavour. I'm giving you a heads up now to join the waiting list, because the tickets sell out FAST.

When: Jan 17th to Feb 17th

Price: £18 per person, which includes a welcome hot gin and tonic, and a hot cocktail of choice

Location: Piccadilly

Join the waiting list here

Tbh, unless you're going to the Peckham Plex (£5 cinema tickets in London, YOU'RE WELCOME), all the cinema in London is expensive. So lemme save you a lot of cinema heart-ache – Prince Charles is where it's at. Tickets are actually slightly less than a lot of the big name cinemas in the area, the cinema itself is really cool, with its vintage interiors and red velvet seats, and they're always showing classics. Case in point, this Christmas there'll be Elf quote-alongs, A Muppet Christmas Carol, Home Alone and Love Actually. And Die Hard, for people who really want to get into the Christmas spirit.

When: continuously but book early as things do sell out

Price: £13.50

Location: Leicester Square

Book here

The Scots do cold weather very well, mainly because it's cold up in Scotland all year round. No really, Bear Grylls literally hosts a series on how to survive the Scottish highlands in winter, and frankly I'm surprised there's not been any Scottish people rocking up in shot wrapped up in a big fleece going "what are you doing Bear Grylls, get out that mud, put your clothes back on – I've got hot whisky and an open fire back at mine."

ANYWAY. To conclude, Mac & Wild is a Scottish restaurant in London that has got a brilliant winter menu on, included santa scotch eggs, a venison, black pudding and haggis variation on the classic. Plus their restaurants are all very, very cosy.

When: until the end of the winter season

Price: £6.50

Location: Fitzrovia

Book here