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1. Oversized sunnies that are, yes, about fashion. But they'll also signal that you'd rather not mingle with people while you're sitting on that park bench stress-seating a footlong sammie. We've all been there. I vacation there quite often!
2. A laptop privacy screen so everyone in your open office won't see that you're actually looking up cheap getaway flights when you really should be prepping for a presentation.
3. A blunt doormat as a preview for anyone who won't take a hint.
4. A hooded travel pillow for achieving the ultimate in comfort and your *obvious* desire to be left alone.
5. And an eight-pack of cute eye masks that are still awkward enough to deter people from interrupting your (real or faux) slumber.
6. A book on the history of cannibalism in case anyone on public transit or in the coffee shop is feeling extra friendly when you're not. And if someone DOES try to start a convo, you can tell 'em how this book taught you that until the end of the eighteenth century, British royalty ate human body parts!
7. A weatherproof driveway sensor that dings when it detects motion...so you're not caught off guard when someone selling stuff you don't want comes to the door.
8. A set of faux security cameras — they may help scare away any prowlers.
9. A stylish floppy hat you can use to shield your judging eyes or just keep the sun out of your peepers when you're living your best life in wine country. Cheers to a multi-use product!
10. Or a sun hat you must wear outdoors in public because you're not messing out with the elements and mosquitos. But uh, also it's very intimidating and will prevent some strangers from messing with ya', probably.
11. A Schitt's Creek DON'T tee in case you'd just like to give off that general vibe spelled out in plain text. And want to let other folks know you're a fan but DON'T wanna talk about it, or anything really.
12. And a more polite tee with a similar message in case you still kinda feel bad about your desire to interact with no one rn — though you should absolutely not feel bad about that! THAT is your right!!!!!
13. A sliding do-not-disturb sign that's going to look so good on your cubicle entrance or office door. TAKE A HINT, ROBERT.
14. Blackout curtains that are perfect for snoozing or basically throwing a rave and not letting any nosey neighbors know — at least when it comes to visual cues.
15. A roll of pretty window film to obscure any lookie-loos' peeks into your home while stilling letting in natural light.
16. A pair of noise-cancelling headphones so you can drown out the world and lose yourself in some sweet tunes, a game, podcast, or just utter silence.
17. And a huge pack of noise-cancelling ear plugs fit to be worn during especially noisy activities, like shooting at the range, working with power tools, moshing in the pit at a show, or just trying to get some sleep next to your snoring bae.
18. A roll of faux vines to make it harder for pesky neighbors to get all up in your business.
19. Or a bamboo privacy panel so you can start from the ground up without letting the neighbors see every little weird thing you do ON YOUR OWN PROPERTY.
20. A collapsible tent for changing in public without getting arrested!
21. A giant umbrella, lest you have to feign an interest in Janet's story at the kids' soccer game.
22. A portable door lock you can use at the office in case your coworkers storm in unannounced, and you can take on vacation to make sure no jokers are letting themselves into your hotel room.
23. A set of loud-and-proud trespassing signs because you want folks to take a hint before they resort to actual human interaction.
24. Or perhaps a more ~subtle~ sign that'll catch the attention of anyone snooping.
25. A googly eyed windshield shade that'll make your coworkers feel a lil' awkward about looking to see if you're eating lunch in you car again to avoid the break room.
26. A soothing noise machine so it sounds like you're snoozing by a babbling creek in the woods instead of in the middle of a noisy city.
27. And in case you wanna go full Boo Radley, a roll of legit caution tape you can put up now "for Halloween" and just leave up forever.
You to everyone. (And don't apologize for it!)
Looking for more great Amazon finds? Check out some of our favorite cheap things to buy on Amazon, some of the weirdest things on Amazon you might actually want, or read through all the rest of our incredible Amazon product recommendations.
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