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New Year's Eve Is The Friggin Worst, And I Got The Carfax To Prove It

Don't @ me. You know it's true.

The holidays are filled with joy and merriment, as well as catching up with the fam and the homies.

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But with all these ~festive feels~, there's a dark spot the ruins all the fun: New Year's Eve.


You're probably like, whaaa?? NYE is the BOMB! But, take a minute, and really think about it. Cuz I talked to chief, and NYE ain't it.


Let's break it down, shall we?

1. For starters, if you're under 21, what exactly is there to do?

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Watch Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve? OK, well have fun watching a whole-ass six hour program just to watch a ball drop for 10 seconds. Also, Dick Clark isn't even IN IT ANYMORE! So, false advertising, if you ask me.

Like, I'm being a girl understand.

Ehis Osifo / Via BuzzFeed

So, you wanna stay up until midnight, but you don't wanna watch Dick Clark. K, cool. So you go and spend a million and a half hours outside in the FREEZING COLD just for a couple minutes of fireworks? Pro tip: stay in and watch the fire works on your Insta feed the next day.

2. And don't even get me STARTED on NYE when you're over 21.

Ehis Osifo / Via BuzzFeed

You gotta spend an arm and a leg to get into some lame-ass club that you wouldn't DARE go to any other night of the year. And for what? So you don't feel FOMO? My FOMO is fear of missing out on my warm bed at home.

You gotta get the hair done, the nails done, everything did. And for what? So NO ONE can see all your efforts in the dark club.

@LWalshMusic / Via Twitter: @lwalshmusic

NOT TO MENTION, it's so crowded and loud – you can't even talk with the friends that you initially went out with, and some girl next to you keeps screaming "Wooooooooo!"

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3. Speaking of loud – those noise maker thingies?? Send 'em straight to hell.

Getty Images, MTV

Like, who invented these? I just wanna talk.

4. And THEN comes the pressure of a New Year's Eve kiss!

[countdown till new years] "5...4...3...2...1..." *fireworks* *people kissing & hugging* me:

Everyone who's sans bae is scrambling around, trying to figure out who they're gonna kiss at midnight. Who came up with that rule, anyway? Why do I gotta kiss someone? Why can't I just enjoy the moment with my damn self??

5. Plus, don't forget the whole "starting off the new year on the right foot" mentality.


Everyone's like, "Go out! Let's get sloshed! Gotta start the New Year off right!" With a hangover, you mean? Nah, I'm all set. Like, a year is a long-ass time. One night isn't gonna dictate how the rest of your year is gonna go – you determine that. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

6. There's no such thing as poppin' New Year's Eve food.


Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, hell even St. Patrick's day – all holidays that come with food. What does NYE have?? Some weak-ass apps and weaker-ass champagne?? Chile, please. Ya girl wants a MEAL, not a snack!



You don't see people getting jazzed AF about daylight aavings, do you? NO, YOU DON'T.

I guess that's my one true gripe with NYE: that people put all this ~pressure~ on something that's literally over in a minute.

Let's all stop pretending New Year's Eve is gonna be an amazing night. Has anyone ever had a good one? Single biggest letdown of the year, ever year.

At the end of the day, do you: get wasted, watch Dick Clark, or sleep through it. Just be sure it’s something you wanna do. Me? Cash me INSIDE and UNDER THE COVERS, howbow dah?


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