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22 Reasons Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed To Name Children

Stop the madness.


2. "Zoppity, don't tell me you ate all the nutella again!!!"

3. "Thermos! You gave the cat the heebie jeebies!!!"

4. "Creelynn! What's your favorite lyric from 'Wagon Wheel?'"

5. "Crystal, give it to me straight. Is this REAL maple syrup?"

6. "Liisa: fuck, marry, kill: Present-day Macklemore, "Thrift Shop"-era Macklemore, and the drummer from Mumford & Sons."

7. "Quade! Your ice cube and Wonderbread sandwich is ready!"

8. "Legna, is this the best farmers market you've ever been to or WHAT?!"

9. "My name is Jebediah Hambone and I lost my virginity to a James Blunt CD."

10. "Shlong, is it just me or is this ketchup too spicy!?"

11. "I take you, Vanilla Bean King, to be my lawfully wedded husband."

12. "Meet our sons Gunner, Westin, and Shooting Jr."

13. "Please don't lie to me, Jairyd. Is this bread whole-grain?"

14. "Actually, Budz, it's harmless water vapor. That's why I vape."

15. "Heavens to Betsy! This PSL is hot, Cherries Waffles Tennis!"

16. "Mrs. Whitebread, tell us about all the fun things you're pickling again!"

17. "I said don't LIE to me, Hashtag. IS THIS BREAD GLUTEN-FREE."

18. "Green and Rocket, do you think I should get bangs?"

19. "Phelony. You won't believe how nice this bridal shower was. They had bread bowls!!!"

20. "You're going to love Chipoltle, Ninja Qwest. The guac is so authentic!!!"

21. "Punched! Get in here and help your sister Legend find her horoscope!"

22. "Amethyst! Did you take my copy of 'Pink Friday'?"