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Here's Why Roasted Red Peppers Should Be Banned

The REAL devil's lettuce.

Good day. It has come to my attention that some of you enjoy roasted red peppers. I'm here to tell you that you have never been more wrong in your life.

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Like, really. Who hurt you?

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Let's start with the texture. Not even a mushy grape can live up to the repulsiveness of these slimy creatures.

And then there's the taste. If bad karma had a flavor, it would be roasted red peppers.

All it takes is one little lick for the unforgiving (and weirdly sweet?) dirt-like flavor to spread throughout your entire body.


Roasted red peppers are so insecure about their vile taste that they need to take it out on every other food they come in contact with.

Like this poor pizza.

What did mozzarella and prosciutto ever do to you, roasted red peppers?!

Stop trying to disguise yourself as tomatoes in this pasta salad!!!

There's no greater betrayal than a sneaky roasted red pepper hiding in a sandwich.

There you are, minding your own business, biting into a hoagie, and then BOOM...your entire mouth tastes like vomit.

Juanmonino / Getty Images

Okay, so maybe their grossness isn't as threatening when they're mashed up into a nasty spread.

Mariha-kitchen / Getty Images

Or when they've been grinded into smithereens in hummus.

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And honestly in raw form they're kind of sexy – but don't be fooled by their evil facade.

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Putting a raw red pepper in an oven is like getting water on a Gremlin.

Warner Bros.

Never let your guard down.

Nobtis / Getty Images

Roasted red peppers are the enemy.

And they're coming for us. One slithery red slug at a time.

  1. How do you feel about roasted red peppers?

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How do you feel about roasted red peppers?
    vote votes
    They're amazing. What's wrong with you???
    vote votes
    They're my worst nightmare. Thank you soul sister for fighting the good fight.

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