1. This Guy vs. Louis C.K.
@EddieStrike I'm your father.
2. Celebuzz vs. Rihanna.
Dear Rihanna, you've gone a little too far with this 'outfit' http://t.co/zSKETVkk May be time to class it up and put some clothes on?
@CELEBUZZ your pussy is way too dry to be riding my dick like this
3. This guy vs. James Blunt.
I'm sorry, but you'll have to get to the back of the queue. RT @Alif_novaldi: Fuck you james blunt
4. David Cameron vs. The Great British Public (1).
The General Election is one year away. Here's how you can back the plan that is turning Britain around: https://t.co/T9MyVSuX53
@David_Cameron you fucking deluded spunktrumpet dishface fuckoff
5. Piers Morgan vs. Gary Lineker.
@GaryLineker_ I currently air in 200 countries/territories - how you getting on? #SmallPondMinnow
@piersmorgan I think the 2 world cups I played in probably edged that
6. This Guy vs. Tom Anderson.
People keep asking, so I'll say it: fear over Instagram's terms change is ridiculous... Get real folks!
@polotapia says the guy who sold myspace in 2005 for $580 million while you slave away hoping for a half-day off
7. Rio Ferdinand vs. This Guy.
While u guys around the world are out celebrating New Year spare a thought for me please...I'll be in the team hotel sleeping!! #LoveTheGame
@rioferdy5 will you spare a thought for the rest of the country struggling to make a living while your on 80k a week you fuckin bellend
8. David Cameron vs. Rob Delaney and Sir Patrick Stewart.
I've been speaking to @BarackObama about the situation in Ukraine. We are united in condemnation of Russia's actions.
.@David_Cameron @BarackObama Hi guys, I'm on the line now too. Get me up to speed.
.@robdelaney @David_Cameron @BarackObama I'm now patched in as well. Sorry for the delay.
9. This Guy vs. SEGA.
What I wouldn't give for @sega to make a new Jet Grind game
@HotPikachuSex What I wouldn't give to have not read your user name.
10. This Girl vs. Nickelback.
I blame Nickelback.
@mybueno we blame you. Not sure for what, but it was definitely you.
11. Oprah Winfrey vs. Shaq.
HI TWITTERS . THANK YOU FOR A WARM WELCOME. FEELING REALLY 21st CENTURY .
@oprah ur caps r on, btw
12. This Guy vs. Frankie Muniz.
@iHeartMtnDEW Yeah, but being retired with $40,000,000.00 at 19 has not been awful. Good luck moving out of your moms house before youre 35.
13. Piers Morgan vs. Michael Owen.
@piersmorgan Please, I beg you, bore off and stop talking about football. Tweet about things you know. Newspapers, Cakes, Doughnuts etc.
@themichaelowen Please, I beg YOU, get back on your little bench and stop pretending you're still a footballer.
14. David Cameron vs. The Great British Public (2).
Tax relief for business investment doubled to 򣔀,000 today. ꎙ.8% of firms will pay NO tax on capital investment. #LongTermEconomicPlan
@David_Cameron Fuck off, Moontwat.
15. Drake vs. T. Boone Pickens.
The first million is the hardest.
The first billion is a helluva lot harder RT @Drake: The first million is the hardest.
16. The Sun vs. Rihanna.
A raunchy advert showing Rihanna writhing around in her undies features shots of a bum & body double http://t.co/1y78ZZ44
Ok @thesunnewspaper , this is the only way I could say this to you!!! FUCK YOU....AND yo baggy ass condom
17. George Osbourne vs. The Great British Public (1).
Made argument that UK faces choice-let up now with more borrowing & back to square one or work through our plan to deliver a secure future
@George_Osborne hope you die in a bin fire you shape shifting horse fucker
18. The Wanted vs. Zayn Malik.
@MaxTheWanted I'm not sure why your still talking to me mate conversation ended when I called you a geek.
@zaynmalik that's not very nice. I was just starting to like you and your RnB hits.
@zaynmalik @maxthewanted I think 𠇁 stripes” got his knickers in a twist bro
@TomTheWanted mate if I had a face like yours my hair would be the last thing I'd worry about :)
19. Piers Morgan vs. Jeremy Clarkson.
What a monumental twat this man is. I cannot wait for the day he goes to prison.
Being called a 'monumental twat' by a racist pot-bellied pig @JeremyClarkson who wants nurses executed is the purest definition of irony.
20. James Arthur vs. Frankie Boyle.
@frankieboyle Poor old man making yet more shit jokes about Xfactor because he knows that's the only way he can get attention any more #prat
@JamesArthur23 I think if I wanted attention I'd sing covers on a talent show, inked up like a schooldesk in a remedial class
21. Chris Brown vs. Lindsay Ellis.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all the beautiful women around the world.. Know that you are loved and appreciated !! God bless.
@chrisbrown awww I bet you say that to all the victims.
22. George Osbourne vs. The Great British Public (2).
Been speaking at Sertec - great manufacturing business in Coleshill, Warwickshire which today announced it's creating 400 jobs.
@George_Osborne You're an irredeemable cockthistle
23. Nathan Fillion vs. Some Kid on Xbox Live.
Kid on Xbox: Eat a bag of dicks. Me: I'm vagiterian. Nailed it.