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Food

19 Ridiculous Hipster Foods That Will Either Make You Very Angry Or Very Happy

"In my day..."

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Hi, we're Pablo (a twentysomething) and Crystal (a thirtysomething). Even though we were born in different decades, we both love to talk about what's going on in the world. Today, we're discussing hipster foods.

1. Rainbow grilled cheese

sydneytron

Pablo: As a gay youth, I would only put this in my body out of principal. IDK if it's actually any good, but I'm here for queer representation.

Crystal: Aside from the fact that this looks like a unicorn vomited between two slices of bread, I can’t imagine this was quick and easy to make — which is a tragedy, because that’s kind of the whole point of a grilled cheese sandwich?

2. Sushi crossaint

ashia.vtbaker / Via instagram.com

Pablo: The last thing sushi needs is to be colonized by a French croissant. No offense croissants, I love ya, but stay in your lane.

Crystal: I agree with Pablo on this. What happened to the good ol’ days of just enjoying your croissant with a little jam…or nothing at all because, you know, they’re delicious on their own?

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3. Strawberries on pizza

Twitter: @MoonEmojii

Pablo: On the plus side, this would make for an interesting addition to my Insta Story. On the downside, strawberries on pizza.

Crystal: Maybe it’s because I grew up in the ’80s, but I am a fan of pineapple on pizza (and I legitimately don’t care what anyone else says). So, this seems like kind of a logical jump to me.

Pablo: Your logic is problematic.

4. Pre-peeled oranges

joshlofthus / Via instagram.com

Pablo: I already buy pre-cut pineapple, mangos, and cantaloupe. Hell, I even buy pre-shelled pistachios, so why not move to oranges?

Crystal: Fuck no. You know what’s a great container for an orange? Orange peels! **Grumbles** Damn kids.

5. Food not served on a plate.

Twitter: @fitbafan

Pablo: This seems...unsanitary? But I've put my mouth on more questionable things, so who am I to speak on what's sanitary and what isn't.

Crystal: LOL at the fact that this is a shovel ON a plate. This is some dumb shit right here and while the food itself looks good, I could never bring myself to eat off of a shovel…maybe when I was in college…and VERY drunk.

Pablo: My college buzz still hasn't worn off.

6. Pumpkin spice pizza

partydehouse

Pablo: Fuck yesssss. Let's be real, this probably tastes god awful, but pumpkin spice season is a shining light in the dark world that is my life.

Crystal: What life? Look, I don’t know if it’s because I’m over 30, but when did the world suddenly go bonkers over pumpkin spice. Like…calm down?

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7. Avocado latte

Twitter: @dulapalooza

Pablo: This is cute. But so are puppies, doesn't mean we should be consuming them! Anything for the 'gram though I guess.

Crystal: This is some serious bullshit here. What a waste of both a latte and a perfectly good avocado. It's a good thing I don't follow you on Instagram, Pablo.

8. Cloud eggs

liamandnella / Via instagram.com

Pablo: I hope this becomes a cartoon character sometime soon. Netflix, are you listening?

Crystal: Of course you'd want your eggs to be a cartoon, the fuck? Eggs are supposed to be quick and easy to make, but this seems like it’d take a lot more work. And WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?

9. Ramen burger

georrrrginac / Via instagram.com

Pablo: I'm drooling? It hasn't been that long since a college-aged me had to live off Top Ramen, so I'm willing to regress for the sake of this burger.

Crystal: This would either cut the roof of my mouth or fall apart in my hands and I don’t want either of those things to happen. I have enough things in my life I’m trying to hold together.

Pablo: And I thought my life was sad.

10. Deconstructed food

deborah_l_kerbel / Via instagram.com

Pablo: In the words of The Office's Kelly Kapoor, "I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?" I've never been so offended by a dish in my life. Well, aside from the time they put peas in guac. But this is a close second.

Crystal: No. I’ve gotten too old to eat food that looks like it just fell off a truck.

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11. Mermaid toast

vibrantandpure / Via Instagram: @vibrantandpure

Pablo: To say I wouldn't spend money on this for the sake of a photo is a lie. I'd probably make Crystal eat it though.

Crystal: Fair, I would eat it, but then I'd probably be really angry about it. But what’s this fucking obsession with mermaids these days? When I hear the word “mermaid” I immediately think of Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Not, like…toast?

12. Spaghetti bagel

cjkoemps / Via instagram.com

Pablo: I just threw up a lil' in my mouth. Anyone have any mouthwash? You're gonna need it too if you eat this trash.

Crystal: Well trash is attracted to trash so...LOL, It’s like someone read my mind, figured out my two favorite foods and mashed ’em together. Which, on paper sounds great, but in reality this seems like it’d be the perfect food to give me morning heartburn.

13. Cold-pressed juice

williamst.lennox / Via Instagram: @williamsburg

Pablo: I went through a pretty intense cold-pressed phase a few years back and I can't say that I've fully recovered. Pretending to care about my health is fun.

Crystal: So, I tried cold pressed juice once, and, NO JOKE, it gave me a stomach ache. I really just don’t think food should be, like, a challenge/risky adventure, ya know?

14. Avocado burger

miss_travelbeequeen / Via instagram.com

Pablo: Not today Satan! You're not fooling me with those sesame seeds. This is a salad masquerading as a burger and I, along with the Hamburglar, will NOT stand for this.

Crystal: Cool, glad to know Pablo only has fictional friends. Like, how do you eat this? With a fork and knife? I don’t want to do extra dishes thank you very much. BYE.

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15. Kale Soda

quirinal_ / Via instagram.com

Pablo: This is Caucasian luxury at its finest. If you sold it to me as a sweetened, carbonated cold-press juice, I'd shotgun this shit immediately.

Crystal: I would pay to see you shotgun this but I would not pay to drink this "soda."

16. Charcoal ice cream

el_perdido78 / Via instagram.com

Pablo: It's been a decade since I transitioned out of my emo phase, but I'm still that sad, sad boy on the inside. Now if you'll excuse me I'll be eating this delicious ice cream while listening to a My Chemical Romance song.

Crystal: This may come as a surprise to you, but I also liked MCR, however I don't really like this ice cream. It's cool to look at, but I can't imagine it'd taste good.

17. Extreme milkshakes

largars_grubs / Via instagram.com

Pablo: I was gonna mention that this would be a mess to eat, but as a messy bitch, that statement would be hypocritical. I'm into this.

Crystal: My heart says “Wow! This is pretty and probably delicious” while my teeth say, “Oh, okay, so you actually WANT another root canal?”

Pablo: Your teeth can talk?

18. Elevated toast

loving_local / Via instagram.com

Pablo: Don't @ me, but I don't even like avocado toast. Unless this toast makes me levitate, I'm not gonna put my stomach through this.

Crystal: Everyone @ him. I actually like avocado toast, but this looks like too much. It’s like someone tripped and dropped their salad.