1."I felt bad about turning the radio off in the middle of songs because I thought the performances were live, and it was mean to just cut them off!"
2."I thought a strip mall was the same thing as a strip club. I couldn't believe my ears when my mom's friend told her how to get to a strip mall she'd recently been to. I felt really uncomfortable."
3."In first grade I would always write who I was “dating” in the place where the paper said to write the current date. One teacher pulled me aside and asked me why I kept writing different boys' names on my paper. I explained to her that I was simply writing my “date’s” name."
4.I thought the phrase "play it by ear" was “play it by year” — as in, we’ll see how the year goes and then make a decision.
5."I thought all dogs were boys and all cats were girls."
6.I thought "Dead End" signs meant that the street was very dangerous and could possibly lead to death."
7."I was convinced that hotdogs and sausages were made from animal wieners until I was in fifth grade."
8."When I was six my mom was pregnant with her third girl, so I just assumed that women got pregnant with baby girls, and men got pregnant with baby boys."
9."During tests nobody told me that 'all of the above' meant all of the options at once. In my little second grade brain I thought it meant God. Like if none of the answers fit, leave it to Jesus, y’all. And I would forget about it until tests when we couldn’t talk so I didn’t ask anyone. I stayed thinking that way until someone happened to explain it."
10."When my mom told me to put my leotard on for dance class, I thought it was named for me (Leah). Your dance attire would be appropriately named for you: a Nancytard, Ashleytard, Nicoletard, etc."
11."I thought there were tiny people living in traffic lights, who changed the colors when needed."
12."When I was little, I overheard some adults in my family talking about 'baby Jessica' falling down a well. I didn't know there were other girls named Jessica, so obviously I assumed I'd fallen down a well. I even had nightmares about floating through a sewer because I wasn't quite sure what a well looked like."
13."I thought clouds were made of mashed potatoes and planes would go into the sky to retrieve them for us."
14."When I first learned what a period was, I thought that once it started, it never stopped. Like it went on 24/7 forever. My mom couldn't understand why I was so devastated when I got mine for the first time, and when I explained she thought it was hilarious. Needless to say I was very relived!"
15."I used to think “End Construction” signs were put up by people protesting construction, rather than a helpful notice that the road would soon be normal again."
16."When I was a kid, I told my dad not to drink his milkshake while driving, because drinking and driving is illegal. I didn’t know at the time that it only referred to alcohol."
17."When singing the alphabet, I thought the letter "p" was special because it had a description. You know: 'Elemeno' P."
18."I thought 'clairvoyance' was a person for way longer than acceptable."
19."I didn't understand that TV and movies could be recorded. I thought EVERYTHING was live. I would pause a movie and sit there and stare at the screen waiting to catch someone moving, because I thought pausing meant they had to literally freeze. Rewind and fast forward baffled me, I thought actors must have superpowers."
20."I thought that 'drug free zones' were literally places to go and get free drugs."
21."I thought oral sex was people confessing their love to one another, which would actually be way more lovely."
22."I saw a show where a guy was sentenced to 100 years or so in prison, and I decided that they would keep his body in there after he inevitably died, until the sentence was finished."
23."I thought the bit of air that comes out of big speakers when music was playing was the breath of the singers."
24."Cartoons made me believe I was going to need to constantly lookout for quicksand."
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