Exhibit A: Everyone knows what a cockatiel is. C'mon, who's never seen one of these guys?
A: Hi, friends — please allow me to introduce you to the quokka. Let's be very quiet, because this one's sleeping.
Exhibit B: Cockatiels are adorable, charismatic, and above all else, friendly creatures.
These ugly things, on the other hand...
B: Oh, good, the quokkas are up and about. Did you know that quokkas are often referred to as "The Happiest Animal In The World"? This is because they fill their lives with love and laughter and because they have furry little faces and they know it.
Exhibit C: Cockatiels are demonstrably more clever than quokkas.
C: Instead of being intellectual elitists, quokkas like to spend their time brightening people's days.
Here's a quokka who is visiting with some children. The children love her regardless of whether she can play chess or not.
This quokka is bringing joy to a little girl's heart. How nice!
Exhibit D: Cockatiels are closest thing to Pikachu you're ever going to see.
D: Here's a quokka who doesn't look anything like a Pokemon! Quokkas are unique.
And here's one who is jumping for joy.
Exhibit E: Cockatiels are extremely helpful creatures.
And they are well-known for their beautiful voices.
E: Because quokkas and cockatiels have similar-sounding names, people often have trouble telling the difference! If in doubt, look closely at their faces, and see if you can detect a winning smile. That one's your quokka.
Exhibit F: This is pretty obvious, but cockatiels can FLY.
And they come in a variety of colors.
Cockatiels also look dapper in evening wear.
But these adorable birds are not afraid to show their goofy side, either.
F: Quokkas don't need to dress up to have a good time! Not that they feel themselves above material possessions. They LOVE leaves, for instance. Here are a couple of quokkas with leaves.
Exhibit G: Cockatiels are basically tiny dinosaurs.
G: Quokkas aren't much like dinosaurs at all. As mentioned earlier, they are unique. Here's a quokka who is almost finished eating his leaf.
In summation: Cockatiels are tiny semi-domesticated dinosaurs who just want to be your friend. Quokkas on the other hand are unknown, terrifying marsupials who are in all likelihood plotting your violent death. Cockatiels rule, Q.E.D.