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32 Times Jennifer Aniston And Angelina Jolie Definitely Weren't Thinking About Each Other

Fucks given lately? Approximately zero.

1. When Jennifer was acting her ass off in Cake.

Cinelou Pictures /

"Sure I might get nominated for an Oscar, but what if Angelina and Brad are at the ceremony?!"

2. When Angelina was busy being sick as shit in Maleficent.


"Do you think starring in this film cements the idea of me as a wicked homewrecker in the eyes of the American public?"

3. When Jennifer was named one of the 20 richest women in entertainment.

Forbes /

"If only I could buy a cure for my broken heart."

4. When Angelina was appointed as an honorary citizen of Sarajevo after her film In The Land of Blood And Honey raised awareness of the Bosnian War.

"Wonder if Jennifer is aware of my new citizenship."

5. While Jennifer is practicing transcendental meditation every morning.

Getty Images/iStockphoto evgenyatamanenko

"Please let me transcend the power of Angelina. Please let me transcend the power of Angelina. Please let me transcend the power of Angelina."

6. When, after 10 years of service, Angelina was promoted from a UNHCR goodwill ambassador to special envoy to High Commissioner António Guterres.

AFP / Getty Images STAN HONDA

"Do you think Jennifer knows about my promotion and is hella mad about it?"

7. When Jen was busy banging her hot boyfriend.

Getty Images Ethan Miller

"What do you think Angie and Brad are up to right now?"

8. When Angelina was shagging the shit out of Brad Pitt – probably while he was wearing this hat.

Getty Images for AFI Kevin Winter

"Just can't wait until we've been married for longer than you and Jen, you know?"

9. While Jennifer is planning her wedding to her hot boyfriend.


"Should I have some random kids draw pictures on my dress? JK LOL."

10. When Angelina was having this beautiful moment with Neema Namadamu, the founder of Maman Shujaa, the "women’s movement for Peace in Congo".


"If only Jen could see us like this."

11. While Jen was busy promoting expensive bottled water with her hot, naked body.

Coca Cola /

"Do you think this Angelina and Brad will ever buy this water?"

12. When Angelina was busy being a fucking badass with Brad Pitt and former British Foreign Secretary William Hague at the Global Summit to End Sexual Violence in Conflict in London.

AFP / Getty Images CARL COURT

"Eat shit, Jen."

13. When Jen was busy making crazy money from selling lotion.

Aveeno /

"I wonder if this lotion will ever touch Angelina's skin."

14. When Angelina was visiting Colombian refugees in Ecuador as part of her role as a UNHCR special envoy.

Getty Images Handout / Via

"Wonder what Jen is doing right about now."

15. When Jen did an important Q&A at the American Cinematheque while wearing these glasses.

Getty Images Valerie Macon

"I wish Angelina could hear me talking so seriously about acting and my craft."

16. When Angelina stood like this, wearing this dress.

AFP / Getty Images AFP

"Even my LEGS are longer than yours, Jen. EVEN MY LEGS."

17. When Jen won the Vanguard Award from GLAAD.

Getty Images Frederick M. Brown

"But do you think gay people like me more than Angelina?"

18. When Angelina was busy being ordained as an honorary dame by the queen of fucking England.

Getty Images WPA Pool

"Thank you, your highness. I trust one is and always has been on Team Jolie?"

19. When Jen attended the "Artists For Haiti" fundraiser dinner and hugged Susan Sarandon.

Getty Images Andrew H. Walker

"Bet Angelina hasn't posed with Susan Sarandon at a benefit dinner before! Booya!"

20. When Angelina was smiling and chatting with Eddie Redmayne and then he put his arm around her waist and they smiled for the camera like this.

Christopher Polk / Getty
Christopher Polk / Getty

"Yet another beautiful man that no doubt prefers me, Jennifer."

21. When Jennifer was snubbed for a 2014 Oscar nomination for her performance in Cake.

Coca Cola


22. When Angelina was also snubbed for a 2014 Oscar nomination for her film Unbroken.

"Jennifer knows that I've already won an Oscar, right?"

23. When Jen became an ambassador for the Key to the Cure campaign.

Saks Fifth Avenue

"I care about cancer. Probably more than Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt combined."

24. When Angelina wrote about her choice to have a double mastectomy in the New York Times in hopes that it would save other women's lives.

NYT / Via

"Do you think Jennifer will share this on her Facebook or no?"

25. When Jen got a motherfuckin' star on the fuckin' Walk o' Fame.


"I can't believe I managed to do this despite not being married to Brad Pitt anymore."

26. When Angelina visited displaced refugees in Iraq and then wrote about the levels of suffering both Syrian and Iraqi refugees are experiencing for the New York Times.

Getty Images Handout

"I can only care about this if Jennifer is mad about it, TBH."

27. Anytime Jennifer turns on the TV and a Friends re-run is playing and she's like, "Oh yeah. I'm Rachel fucking Green."


"How does it feel to never be able to watch this show, Angie? ESPECIALLY the episode where BRAD is on it. HUH?"

28. Anytime Angelina turns on the TV and a Tomb Raider film is playing and she's like, "Oh yeah. I'm Lara fucking Croft."

Paramount /

"Do you think Jennifer's ever seen this? She must have, right?"

29. When Jennifer met Adele, and they held hands like this.

Getty Images Jason Merritt

"I wish I had had 'Someone Like You' in my life when Angelina ruined my life. I'm not sure if you've heard about what happened, but..."

30. When Angie was busy shootin' the shit with the Clint Eastwood because they're buds.


"Isn't that Jennifer Aniston a dick? Such a dick. LOL."

31. When Angelina sits down at the dinner table with her husband who is Brad Pitt and her six children.

AFP / Getty Images ROBYN BECK

"If only Jen could see this. I'm only satisfied with my life because I know it makes her miserable."

32. When Jennifer Aniston wakes up next to Justin Theroux at 10:45am on a Saturday because they have no children and are able to do such things.

Getty Images for LTLA Alberto E. Rodriguez

"Bet Angelina's nanny doesn't let her sleep this late."

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