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18 Ridiculously Awful Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Action Figures

Clearly the TMNT toy line's designers were like, "Fuck it, some kid will buy it."

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1. Crazy Clown Mike

Released as part of the “Bodacious Birthday” line, Crazy Clown Mike came complete with awesome weapons like birthday balloons and stilt legs – along with a painted face that was definitely holding back the tears of a clown.

It's OK, Michelangelo, you can cry.

2. April, the Ravishing Reporter


By the looks of this toy, it should have been called “Friday Night at the Club April,” ‘cause it doesn’t look like she is doing any type of reporting. The toy also came with such sexist weapons as "Makeup Brush Battle Bo," "Katana Blade Curling Iron," and a "Lipstick Nunchaku."

Bonus: You could also remove her skirt, which I am sure pre-pubescent boys loved.


8. King Lionheart


This toy looks more like the love child of a He-Man and a Lion-O action figure than something in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toy line. Apparently, he was some supposed to be a king to all the mutants in the TMNT universe.

Also, I think it's safe to assume that the King Richard name reference probably went over most kids' heads.


10. Monty Moose


Talk about playing up stereotypes, the Turtles' ally from the Great White North, Monty, also came with a trusty beaver sidekick named Bob. The only thing missing was to make him maple syrup scented as well.

11. Donatello Dracula

Donatello as Dracula was released as part of the TMNT's "Universal Studios Monsters” crossover line, and while the Turtles got monster makeovers he was by far the most disturbing character. I mean look at those teeth!

This toy also raises the question: Whose blood was Dracula Don sucking on?


13. The Sewer Heroes

I guess the fact that they were mutated turtles wasn't superhero-y enough? Also, if they have superhero powers why would they need a gun?

This toy might also have one of the most WTF descriptions of any TMNT toy:

"He’s hangin’ a rappin’ ‘n scratchin’ turntable to squelch the sewer scum from here to kingdom come. Ooze, baby, ooze!"

18. Star Trek: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


Perhaps the strangest crossover of the entire TMNT toy line. I don't really think kids were clamoring for a crossover between the Turtles and a then 25-year-old TV series.

And most weird of all, they put hair on the Turtles. HAIR.