15 Sex Toys That Are The Only Things You Need This Valentine’s Day

From dildos to prostate massagers, who even needs a Valentine?

Rebecca Hendin / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

Valentine’s Day is round the corner, so if you haven’t got a date (or even if you do), there are definitely some things that can keep you occupied.

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1. Power Play 7 Function G-Spot Vibrator.

Lovehoney / Via lovehoney.co.uk

Price: £19.99

This little toy is perfect for finding your G-spot, something a Valentine might not have the ability to do. It has three different vibration speeds and four different patterns to keep things interesting.

2. Velvet Touch Intense Vibrations Silicone Rabbit.

Bondara / Via bondara.co.uk

Price: £31.99

You can’t have a sex toy list that doesn’t include a rabbit vibrator. This one in particular has 12 different settings, and is rechargeable and waterproof. If you don’t fancy spending £30, there are also cheaper alternatives.

3. Bondara Master B Vibrating Male Masturbator.

Bondara / Via bondara.co.uk

Price: £21.99

Guys, if you’re not getting laid this Valentine’s Day, maybe this is what you need. A fleshjack should be a staple in any guy’s toy collection. Bondara does three different versions, which simulate oral sex, vaginal sex, and anal sex. The bonus is that these ones vibrate too.

4. Cupid’s Smoothie Vibrating Love Egg.

Lovehoney / Via lovehoney.co.uk

Price: £9.99

This powerful little toy packs a punch. If you’re not familiar with a vibrating love egg, you basically insert it into your vagina and use the remote to control the vibrations. Perfect for solo use, or if you get a late Valentine’s date, you can hand the remote to them and let them take control.

5. King Cock 7 Inch Dildo Flesh.

Ann Summers / Via annsummers.com

Price: £20

Let’s be honest, you can’t go wrong with a standard dildo. This one is pretty realistic, waterproof in case you fancy getting freaky in the shower, and latex-free. It’s also strap-on compatible for those times when it’s not just you in the sack.

6. TENGA ONACUP: Deep Throat.

Tenga / Via tenga.co.uk

Price: £11.99

A Tenga product is a go-to for male masturbation. This product combines some kind of wizard technology to create a sucking sensation (that’s probably where the name comes from). This means you can basically give yourself a blowjob without having to remove a rib.

7. Kiss Me Lipstick Clitoral Vibrator.

Ann Summers / Via annsummers.com

Price: £8

Ladies usually have a lipstick on them somewhere, which makes this sex toy the perfect addition to any handbag. This handy little device is perfect for a bit of quick fun and the disguise means everybody but you will be none the wiser.

8. Glass Ridged Dildo.

Ann Summers / Via annsummers.com

Price: £15

I know you’re probably thinking “wtf, I’m not putting glass up any orifice”, but this is actually kinda genius. It’s made from strong glass and the ridges are meant to give you heightened pleasure. A glass dildo is also great for temperature play. You could put this in the fridge (maybe not a communal one, that’s probably classed as rude) or in some warm water before use and see where it takes you.

9. Twin Cock Ring with 10 Function USB Rechargeable Butt Plug.

Lovehoney / Via lovehoney.co.uk

Price: £49.99

Cock rings are pretty standard, but this one has everything you could want for the best orgasm. So first you’ve got a double ring that goes around your meat and dangly bits. Then you’ve also got a vibrating prostate massager with 10 functions. And both of those are attached by a textured thing that stimulates your perineum (the bit between your balls and butt basically). I’m exhausted just thinking about it. If you don’t want to pay so much, there are other cheaper versions with fewer functions, or you can just get basic cock rings and butt plugs separately.

10. Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm.

Lovehoney / Via lovehoney.co.uk

Price: £9.99

If you’re having some trouble reaching orgasm, or if you’re just searching for that little bit extra, this could be the one for you. I guess it’s not really a toy so to speak, but this would work well as an added masturbation (or sex) extra. Basically this stuff is infused with peppermint and oils, which makes your clitoris more responsive. You can get different versions of the balm and it’s pretty cheap. That and a bottle of wine – what more could you want on Valentine’s Day?

11. Clone A Willy Kit.

Uber Kinky / Via uberkinky.co.uk

Price: £24.99

Guys, if you’ve got no plans on Valentine’s Day, maybe making a clone of your dingaling will keep you occupied. I mean, you’re kinda intrigued, right!? This will create a life-size replica, ridges and veins included. You can even add the vibrator to your clone to give it an extra boost. There’s also a glow-in-the-dark kit, which is kinda cool. I don’t know what you wanna do with the clone once you’ve made it but it’ll waste some time, right?

12. Rocks Off Rainbow 7 Function Bullet Vibrator.

Lovehoney / Via lovehoney.co.uk

Price: £11.99

Ah, the trusty bullet. This little rainbow device packs seven different speed and vibration settings and is fully waterproof so you can take it with you in the bath. At least with this you don’t have to worry about who has to sit at the tap end.

13. Porator Anal Vibrator.

Bondara / Via bondara.co.uk

Price: £9.99

Men, you should never forget about your prostate. While some may squirm at the thought of sticking something up their butt, this handy little toy can really increase pleasure while masturbating. At less than a tenner, it’s pretty cheap, and has four different vibration settings to really get your motor running.

14. Fleshlight Shower Mount Suction Based Masturbator Attachment.

Amazon / Via amazon.co.uk

Price: £16.95

Again, not really a toy but an added extra to one. If you already have a Fleshlight, or are thinking of buying one, you might want to think about buying a wall mount. This one is good for shower use to give you the perfect no-hands wank.

15. Gold Plated Rechargeable Vibrator.

Bondara / Via bondara.co.uk

Price: £39.99

OK, I know we’ve already discussed vibrators and there is more to toys than just a rabbit, but hear me out. This fancy contraption is gold-plated and has seven different settings. But the pièce de résistance is this vibrator actually heats up to 45 degrees celsius. Apparently the warmer your skin, the more blood is drawn to that area, making it more responsive and sensitive. And just to reiterate, it’s gold. That already makes it better than any Valentine date.

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Ben Henry is a staff writer for BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.
 
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