Quiz

BuzzFeed Staff

BuzzFeed Staff, UK 

BuzzFeed

Can You Spot The Shy Tory?

Jason may have a beard and look like a hip leftie, but he’s actually a secret Tory. He was even a member of his university Tory society, although he’s deleted all the photos from his Facebook. He thinks that the cuts have been “tough but fair”, though he’d never say this out loud, and he nods and smiles in the pub whenever anyone slags off the Tories. He won't tell anyone how he voted at the last election, but his friends know. Oh, they know.

Congratulations! You spotted the secret Tory!

One time when she was drunk at a dinner party she said she didn’t understand why people in poorly paid jobs couldn’t just work harder, but she actually voted Green at the last election. She’s a vegetarian who wants to live in a world without cars, and could only vote for a party she thinks shares her passion for the natural world.

Nope! Annie isn’t a secret Tory

Brian isn’t a secret Tory! He’s a junior doctor who’s been out on the picket lines striking against the new contracts. He did vote Conservative in 2010, but he also voted for Blair and says that he votes for the people he thinks will do the best job.

Please! It's definitely not Brian

Sandra was out campaigning for Ed Miliband at the last election. Although she felt betrayed by Labour’s failure to win a majority last year, she considers herself a moderate Corbynite. She just wishes the party would stop bloody emailing her...

Nope! It's not Sandra

Unfortunately Florence isn’t a secret Tory, she’s a secret _Daily Mail_-reading UKIP supporter. She’d never tell anyone that, but if you listen hard enough you’ll hear her say she thinks it’s bad that leaflets from the council are printed in different languages. What’s so wrong with wanting to keep Britain British? Isn’t that why we fought the fucking Second World War??

Nope! Not Florence

Tim comes from a family of ardent Lib Dem supporters. “They’re like the Waitrose version of Labour,” he’d never tell anyone. It was a bit of a cringe when the Lib Dems partnered with the Tories in 2010, but Tim felt they tried their best to rein in the worst right-wing excesses of David Cameron and co. Ever since Nick Clegg’s obliteration last year Tim’s been panicking about who he could vote for that isn’t Labour or the Tories. Probably the Greens. Yes, he’ll probably vote Green next time.

Nope! Not Tim

Anup is a passionate, dyed-in-the-organic-wool Corbynite! It’s Corbyn’s honesty that stole Anup’s heart – so refreshing in politics. And the fact that Jezza cycles to work and only claimed, like, 50p expenses. Anup can only aspire to such a pure, ascetic lifestyle. He is utterly devastated about what the Conservatives are doing to public services, and pretty bloody disappointed you thought he was a secret Tory.

Don’t be absurd! It's not Anup

She’s spent the last three years living in a squat and wears a _V for Vendetta_ mask when she has sex. She used to be kinda into Russell Brand before he weirdly came out for Labour at the last minute. Now she thinks Brand is a capitalist construct that needs to be fucking dismantled.

Don’t be a fucking joker! Kim’s an anarchist

Lou’s an out-and-proud Tory! She’s got an Iain Duncan Smith mug next to her bed and George Osborne pyjamas. Lou reads _The Telegraph_, and she’s quick to point out how blimming annoying it is that her hard-earned wages are constantly being frittered away on people who don’t _exactly_ deserve it. Lou would LOVE to have nine children and live in a mansion FOR FREE, but instead she’s only got two children and lives in a semi in Buckinghamshire, and has to work for a living.

Hahahahahhahahahahahahaha!! No! Lou isn’t a secret Tory

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Can You Spot The Shy Tory?

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