Disney World in Orlando, FL will open a new ride called Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind on May 27, 2022. It is one of the largest indoor roller coasters ever built. Like, it's so large, they had to build the coaster and then the building around it.
ANYWAY, because I'm aware you may not make it ASAP to Disney World, but you love the MCU, I decided to tell you the plot of the ride.
Here's some background in case you're not a Disney aficionado. Epcot has a part of the park called the World Showcase. It's got pavilions featuring 11 countries with food, entertainment, and architecture reminiscent of each.
They have a new "pavilion," but instead of it showcasing a different country, it showcases a different planet: Xandar.
Xandar, if you remember, was the planet we see in the first Guardians of the Galaxy, where Peter Quill fails to sell the orb, and he, Rocket, Groot, and Gamora all try to capture each other.
It's also the planet led by Nova Prime (Glenn Close), and the one Ronan the Accuser and the Kree attack at the end of the first Guardians movie.
In the ride, the Xandarians utilize a piece of equipment called a cosmic generator to create artificial jump points and connect distant worlds, so they can share some of their technology with terrans visiting Epcot.
And why Earth? It was Peter Quill's suggestion. In the line for the ride, during an interview with a Xandarian, Quill recounts his childhood visiting Epcot, saying he's excited to come back.
He goes on to talk about all of the things he wants to experience again.
The three rides in this spectacular Disney Parks Easter egg he references were all open in the '80s: Horizons, an attraction at the park that opened in 1983 and closed down in 1999 (it was where Mission: Space is now)...
...the Universe of Energy, a 1982 opening day attraction for Epcot that is especially ironic because it was closed in 2017, and its building is now being used for the new Guardians of the Galaxy ride...
...and Kitchen Kabaret, a show that Epcot opened in 1983 and closed down in 1994, which has the song "Veggie Veggie Fruit Fruit" in it...
Anyway, after getting through the line and seeing a brief history of Xandar and the Nova Core, visitors are greeted by Nova Prime, who explains that they have a Xandarian space craft in low orbit above Earth, and they will teleport visitors to the space craft for a demonstration of the cosmic generator.
Terry Crews plays a Centurion named Tal Marik and handles the teleportation explanation and safety speech.
Once teleported right above Earth to the Xandarian ship, you'll see the cosmic generator, but...
...If you don't want to know the rest of the story, and would rather be surprised by the ride, stop reading.
The cosmic generator is TAKEN by Eson the Searcher, a Celestial, who, if you remember, briefly wields the power stone in a demonstration by the Collector in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Eson claims Earth has failed, and uses a cosmic generator to create a jump point and teleport all of Earth back to the Dark Ages.
The Guardians tell Terry Crews to follow Eson through the jump point to get the cosmic generator back, but he can't because generators, ya know, power stuff, and his ship's power is out.
The only thing that has power on the Xandar ship is your escape vehicle, which Rocket lovingly reprograms to follow Eson through the jump point.
The coaster is an omni-mover, meaning the car you're in turns you as you make your way down the track. This initially made me think the ride would be more nausea-inducing, but it's so smooth, it feels like you're flying.
Once you board your vehicle, the Guardians meet you in space to confront Eson, but right before the battle commences, in true Guardians fashion, Quill blasts the Walkman as you launch into space.
Riders experience one of (at least) six songs through the speakers on their car as they fly through space trying to catch Eson and get the generator back.
Songs include "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire, "One Way or Another" by Blondie, "Conga" by Gloria Estefan, "I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears, and "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps.
The decision process for which songs were chosen sounded like a blast. BuzzFeed talked with Kassandra Rose, a Disney Imagineer who worked on the attraction and described, what I would assume, the funnest day of work possible.
"We got to ride with the hundred different songs that we went through. ... It was really fun because our kind of criteria was that it has to be '70s or '80s and has to feel like it fits on a mixtape, and that was really kind of it."
"And so we could give suggestions and ideas; they would plug it in, we'd ride it, and it was so fun 'cause we'd get off of it, and we'd all talk about it."
"It was amazing the difference each song makes when you ride it. It's obviously the same show every time, but the music makes such a huge impact, and it was really cool to be a part of."
At the end of the ride, you are transported back to Epcot, which Peter says stands for "Every Person Comes Out Tired." While that's not technically true, the tan lines from my Birkenstocks would say otherwise.
Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind will open at Disney World's Epcot in Orlando, Florida on May 27. Snag a spot in line to join the Guardians via virtual queue on the Disney World app.