19 People Share Their Most Memorably Cringeworthy Thanksgivings, And I Have Exactly Zero Words
"My stepgrandmother accidentally used laundry powder instead of sugar in the apple pie."
1. "We were hosting our first Thanksgiving in our new house when our plumbing failed so badly that sewage was backing up into the shower. So guests who had to use the bathroom had to either go down the street to the gas station or PEE IN OUR BACKYARD!
2. "One Thanksgiving, my father — who was drunk — stole the Thanksgiving turkey and ran through the trailer with it holding it like a football and screaming, 'See ya later, fuckers!'
"Then he tried to squeeze out of the window and got stuck. Six hours, one shattered window, and four firemen later, he was free."
—Nichole Schaffer, Facebook
3. "My friend was tasked with making the pumpkin pie. She wasn't a good baker, but she worked really hard and was pleasantly surprised that it turned out so nice. Well, she noticed people making faces while eating the pie, so she took a bite of the pie herself...
"That's when it dawned on her that she'd confused the cans of condensed milk with CANS OF BABY FORMULA! She was never allowed to cook the pie again."
—Zeon Kitty, Facebook
4. "My stepgrandmother accidentally used laundry powder instead of sugar in the apple pie."
5. "My uncle had found out that his wife was messing around with his nephew. Well, at the Thanksgiving dinner table, he drunkenly stood up, clanged his fork against a mayo jar filled with beer, and toasted to his divorce!
"My grandma was mortified."
—Korey Bishop, Facebook
6. "The day before Thanksgiving, my family all got food poisoning, and the seven of us spent Thanksgiving throwing up and shitting ourselves in a house with one bathroom."
7. "My mom baked the green bean casserole with the lid of the can in it.
8. "My dog stole the turkey off the counter and dragged it down the hallway, we forgot to pick up my brother from the train station, and my great-grandmother got drunk and tried to race the kids down the hallway in a rolling computer chair."
9. "When I was in high school, my mom scheduled me to have my wisdom teeth removed on the first day of Thanksgiving break so that I could recover while I was out of school. The only thing I had for Thanksgiving dinner was Jell-O and resentment."
—Mikiko Hillyer, Facebook
10. "At Thanksgiving dinner years ago, there was a huge family fight and my uncle angrily chopped the turkey in half and left carrying his half."
11. "My ex-husband tried to open a can of cranberry sauce by puncturing it with a sharp knife. The knife slipped and went straight through his hand, and we had to make a trip to the ER."
—Patricia Hibbard, Facebook
12. "I was feeling queasy one Thanksgiving when I was about 5, so I only took one bite of my turkey leg. Well, my grandma didn't like that one bit. The next Thanksgiving, everyone got a full, freshly cooked spread...and I got a turkey leg with one bite taken out of it from out of the freezer."
13. "My dad tried to fry the turkey and went a little too crazy."
14. "My aunt's creepy husband made a speech thanking my cousin's new boyfriend (who was meeting us for the first time) for dating her, all while standing up and sobbing."
15. "I stepped on a toothpick that was stuck in the carpet, and it stayed in my foot for six months!
"The toothpick didn't show up on the X-ray or ultrasound, and I had two surgeries in which the doctor couldn't find it. He said it must have dissolved."
—Erin Bierley, Facebook
16. "I put a glass pan of sweet potatoes on a hot burner, and the pan exploded...right into the dressing.
17. "One Thanksgiving, my grandfather punched my uncle's friend when he wouldn't take off his hat."
—Shaun McGahey, Facebook