17 People Who Survived Some Pretty Fucked Up Thanksgivings
Feast on these.
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about the worst Thanksgiving they've ever had, and the responses were at once hilarious and fucked up:
1. "My ex-husband tried to open a can of cranberry sauce by puncturing it with a sharp knife. The knife slipped and went straight through his hand and we had to make a trip to the ER."
2. "My dog stole the turkey off the counter and dragged it down the hallway, we forgot to pick up my brother from the train station, and my great-grandmother got drunk and tried to race the kids down the hallway in a rolling computer chair."
3. "The previous day, my family all got food poisoning, and the seven of us spent Thanksgiving throwing up and shitting ourselves in a house with one bathroom."
4. "My dad tried to fry the turkey and went a little too crazy."
5. "My grandmother accidentally stabbed my great-grandmother in the arm. She was gushing blood, but refused to go to the hospital and instead just wrapped an entire roll of paper towels around the wound."
6. "My hand mixer burst into flames and we had to call the fire department!"
7. "When I was 4 or 5 years old, I was feeling queasy, so I only took one bite of my turkey leg. Grandma didn't like that one bit. The next Thanksgiving everyone got a full, freshly cooked spread...and I got a turkey leg with one bite taken out of it from out of the freezer."
8. "I was in charge of making the pumpkin pie and must have switched the salt and sugar, because my cousins said it tasted saltier than the Atlantic Ocean."
9. "My grandpa backed up the toilet and ended up flooding the bathroom. The smell was so bad we couldn't even finish Thanksgiving dinner at our house."
10. "My aunt's creepy husband made a speech thanking my cousin's new boyfriend (who was meeting us for the first time) for dating her, all while standing up, sobbing."
11. "My sink drain had been getting clogged, but I decided to push my luck. By Thanksgiving day the sink was full to the top with dirty water that would not drain. My husband used the Draino that came with a snake, punctured a hole in the pipe, and the filthy water flooded the kitchen and flowed into the dining room with 14 dinner guests due in an hour!"
12. "My mom forced my brothers and I to have Thanksgiving dinner with her new boyfriend and his family. Halfway through dinner, my older brother's IBS flared up and I had a panic attack at the table...at the exact moment my mom's boyfriend proposed."
13. "My mother and stepfather were drinking when he said something douchebag-y, she punched him in the face, and he fell off his chair."
14. "Spent Thanksgiving with my dad's family in Tennessee and developed serious rashes that swelled up. Turns out the bed had been crawling with bed bugs."
15. "My mother, who was drunk, started choking on a piece of turkey. Like full-on face turning blue and flailing about. My cousin gave her the Heimlich and she spit it out all over the table."
16. "I have family from the backwoods of Arkansas, and one year I couldn't eat the turkey because it had been cut with a chainsaw."
17. "My grandmother decided to cook a low-carb, low-fat, zero-sugar meal for Thanksgiving to be healthier...without telling anyone."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.