We asked parents of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the thing that surprised them most about parenting, and they got candid, honest, and real:
1. "I expected to love her from the moment she was born. I didn't."
2. "I was completely surprised by all the judgment — moms are judged, no matter what they do. I can feel the judgment when I'm holding my baby in a restaurant and drinking a margarita, even though I'm giving her pumped milk, the judgment if I mention co-sleeping, no matter what side of the issue you're on, the judgment on whether or not I'm going back to work....it's never ending."
"My husband, meanwhile, gets treated like he’s 'father of the year' because he has no problem changing his child’s diaper."
3. "How much it affected my sexuality. Not only did I deal with hormonal changes, my sex drive took a nose dive into a black hole. Then, when I got it back, what — and who — I liked completely changed!"
"Everyone complains that children ruin your sex life, but I think it's more that nobody helps you learn your new sexual desires and needs."
4. "I was surprised at how quickly you adjust to the gross stuff. Before having a baby, I would gag at the mention of vomiting. But when my little one starting eating real food and had a terrible gag reflex, it quickly became instinct to use whatever was close to catch it — including my hands!"
"Last week, my little guy caught a stomach bug and proceeded to puke on me about four times during the night. But if holding him made him feel better, I would do it a thousand times over."
5. "I didn't realize how competitive being a parent is. From the second they are born, people are comparing your child with theirs. It takes a strong person to give zero fucks and not let someone else's kid's milestones bother you."
6. "I was surprised at how much I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my teenagers. Honestly, I'd heard every bad thing about how awful teenagers are, but I loved those years. They weren't disrespectful and ashamed of us — we did fun stuff together, talked about everything, and had a lot of fun! Was it 100% smooth sailing? Nope, but it was overwhelmingly good."
7. "I thought my second child was going to be an exact carbon copy of my first, but my kids are so different in every single way that it never ceases to amaze me!"
8. "I was surprised how all-encompassing parenting is, at least in the early years. My husband and I were the first of our friend group to have kids, and although I knew parenting would be time consuming, I had no idea how little free time and space we would really have."
"You have to be much more proactive about creating time for yourselves and to spend together as a couple."
9. "My husband and I adopted our daughter when she was two years old. We had attended seminars, read books, been through certifications and trainings about family transitions and the bonding process, but nothing prepared me for how hearing very common comments said to other parents like, 'She looks just like her mother' would make me feel isolated."
"I also wasn’t prepared for questions like, 'How long was your labor?' or 'Who was your OBGYN?' My daughter is the biggest blessing in my life, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but those things, and others like them, do sting."
10. "I was surprised how much you could actually care about someone else's poop! 'When was the last time they pooped?' 'What did it look like?' 'Why is it that color?!'"
11. "That your peace of mind is really gone for good. If you let it, the sheer doom of the world today can overwhelm you, because there's just so much that could conceivably hurt that small creature you brought into the world. I lie awake at night just paralyzed with anxiety. They say your heart is walking around outside your body and they are completely right."
12. "I couldn't believe how incredibly tired and sleep deprived I was for the first year! I knew I would be tired after giving birth, but I honestly thought I would catch up on some sleep once I got home from the hospital — I mean, newborns sleep a lot, right? Wrong."
"I woke up at every little sound he made."
13. "I didn't know how much being a parent would help me to become a better person. I realized that in order for my children to feel loved and grow up to be good people, I really had to work on myself. In doing that, my children saved me from the self-destructive habits I didn't even realize I had."
14. "That parenthood lasts forever. Both of my kids are grown up and out of the house, and I am still worrying about their lives."
"Your job is not over once they become adults. Sometimes they need you then much more than as children."
15. "I was surprised how much I actually like being a parent! My first child wasn't planned, the birth was rough, breastfeeding was a nightmare, and he was a very difficult toddler. Plus, I was super career-focused, so I thought I would want to get my tubes tied. But then my son grew up, and I had another, and I have no idea what happened, but I am just stupid in love with them both!"
16. "That I would find myself making decisions I never thought I would even consider. I was vehemently against co-sleeping and thought 'cry it out' was the right thing for me, until my first wouldn't sleep unless she was near us. So we placed her crib as a sidecar to our bed. All my expectations went out the window in the face of the actual child I received, and looking back, I'm glad I was willing to let go of what I thought I had to do before she came."
17. "I didn't realize how much childhood trauma I had until I watched my own mom and mother-in-law interact with my kid and get competitive about being the 'favorite' grandparent. My kid is two, relax!"
18. "I was totally blown away by how isolating having a special needs son can be. Often, people don't understand when he acts differently than other kids or when we don't go to something because we know he cannot handle it. Our friends try to be understanding, but it's very lonesome."
"No one ever imagines their pregnancy to go anything but smoothly and their lives with their children to be anything but ordinary. We found out about some of our son's medical needs at the 20-week anomaly scan, and it shattered the illusion of what we thought we already knew about parenting from having our daughter. Our son ended up having open heart surgery when he was 23 hours old, then three subsequent heart surgeries all before 4 months old. No one could have prepared us for the amount of adaptation we've had to do to our parenting style, and our daughter's autism diagnosis is definitely another learning curve for us. Our family has definitely been through the ringer these last couple of years, to say the least, but the resilience of children has absolutely blown me away."
19. "I was surprised by the journey of figuring out how to balance who you were before children with who you are as a parent — making time for things I love and learning what is no longer important to me."
"I don’t make my son my whole identity, but my priorities and goals for my personal life and career have shifted to include him."
20. "I fell in love with my son when I first found out I was pregnant. However, once he was physically brought into the world, I didn't think it was possible to fall even more in love, but I did!"
And finally:
21. "I didn't understand that the game would keep changing. The early years are all about endurance — how long can you stay awake? How many bottles can you complete at midnight? But as time goes on, the endurance decreases and the complexity increases — how do you teach them work ethic? What do you do when other kids don't like them? It's like you're playing a constant chess game where the ground is always shifting."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.