17 More Seriously, Seriously Funny Things Students Have Said In Class That Caused Their Teachers To Lose It
"My friend had a student who thought a midwife was a 'practice wife' you get if your first marriage fails."
Well, of course even more teachers jumped into the comments to share more of the things their students have said that made them laugh like they've never laughed before, and here are the funniest responses:
1. "I was teaching an 11th-grade environmental science class, and we were discussing agricultural evolution when one of the students said, 'Mrs. McMillan, I've never understood how people can drink milk when it comes from one of the three penises of the cow.'
2. "I walked in on a teacher telling a student he shouldn't wiggle his butt in front of other people. The boy defended himself by saying he was 'charging his ultimate smash.'"
3. "My friend — who is a high school teacher — had a student who legit thought a midwife was a 'practice wife' you get if your first marriage fails."
4. "One of my first-graders asked me where I live, and I said, 'Queens.' He looked at me and asked, 'Queens?! Does everybody there wear crowns?!'
5. "I was teaching my students about nouns and adjectives, and I asked if any of them could give me an example of an adjective and a noun together. One boy raised his hand and said, 'Juicy boy.'"
6. "I teach Shakespeare camp for elementary students, and two boys were playing a married couple. One of them asked, 'What will we do when we get married?' The second one replied, 'I'm gonna divorce you and take all your money.'
"I almost spit out my drink."
7. "My 4-year-old student recently told me that her juice box 'smells like Mommy's wine.'"
8. "I assisted in a ninth-grade biology class in which the teacher showed a video about a pack of narcoleptic dogs that would fall asleep as soon as they got excited. Well, one day a student named Jack raised his hand and asked, 'Can we watch the video with the necrophiliac dogs again?'
"The teacher replied, 'I can't say I remember that, Jack, but if you find it, I'm sure it would be educational.'"
9. "I had an eighth-grade student say that polytheism was the worship of parrots."
—Sue Roush, Facebook
10. "Some poor soul in my high school history class gave a presentation on the 'Soviet Onion.'"
11. "I overheard one of my students ask the speech teacher how long they'd been married. The teacher replied, 'About three years,' and the student said, 'It's time to get a new wife!'"
12. "I had a little girl in my class who was telling a little boy all the things he was doing wrong on his paper. So he got up, put his hands on his hips, and said, 'You're sassy and you smell like bullshit.'"
13. "When I was on my high school's basketball team, during one game my friend came off the bench to check into the game, and the ref asked him, 'What's your number?' He replied, 'Umm, 323-475...' The ref was asking for his jersey number."
14. "One of my students said, 'Hi, teacher!' and another one asked, 'How do you know her name?'"
15. "I once had a 6-year-old tell me, 'I have a boyfriend; he doesn't know it yet, though.'"
16. "Once, a third-grader said to me, 'No offense, but your watch is stupid!' She said that because it didn't have numbers, just lines.
"When I explained to her that the numbers never move so I know where they go, she asked me, 'What if you forget?'"