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1. A tub of The Pink Stuff, an all-purpose paste capable of tackling your most pesky cleaning problems. Caked-on grease stuck to kitchen cabinets and red vino stains on white carpeting will all but vanish, with no elbow grease required (an ideal cleaning situation).
2. A pack of microfiber cloths for a lint- and streak-free finish on glassware, windows, and yes, that includes light fixtures that have been permanently covered in a layer of dulling grime. The best part is, you don't even need a cleaning solution! A bit of water on one of these cloths is all you'll need.
3. A package of dishwasher cleaning tablets because HOW can you get clean, glistening dishes if the dishwasher itself is *gag* covered in grime? Answer: You can't. These babies are here to help. Simply pop one in, put on the rinse cycle, and continue watching your show. Easy peasy.
4. A lint roller for a grossly satisfying gadget that's capable of picking up every speck of gunk plastered onto your furniture. Bliss = being able to remove the pet fur plastered on your couch within seconds, and no longer having to worry that your black leggings will look like they're covered in white dust.
5. An adjustable duster brush that's great for air conditioners, fans, and window blinds because news flash, those need to be cleaned on occasion — the amount of dust that can accumulate there is *cough* genuinely disgusting. And don't worry, cleaning said crevices requires but a few minutes of your time and just a flick or two of the wrist.
6. A set of oven liners to save you the heartache (yes, heartache) of burnt roast chicken bits — the kind that will require a minimum of seven scouring pads and so. much. backache. Slide this in to avoid deep cleaning for the next, oh, trillion years.
7. A water-based tile pen that'll transform the chore of grout cleaning into a fun activity reminiscent of filling in the pages of an adult coloring book. Consider mold banished after a few swipes of this nontoxic formula, which releases anti-bacterial agents with each pass.
8. An over-the-drain protector for anyone with a pop-up drain that is a: the bane of their existence and b: constantly getting clogged. Place this on top of your drain to trap gunk *before* it becomes a built-up abyss of gross scum that will take ages of time (and a professional plumber) to clear out.
9. A vacuum hose attachment that multiple reviewers (multiple!) swear pulled whole socks out from their lint traps. Clogged vents = longer drying times = higher utility bills = less money in your bank account to put toward, say, more Seamless takeout.
10. A shoe whitener in case you've ever looked up at the heavens and screamed "why" before proceeding to get rid of your favorite white kicks. I promise, they're salvageable. You *can* get them clean again... as made clear by this truly miraculous product. It's even equipped with a sponge applicator for easy and quick application.
11. A Rubbermaid power scrubber that quickly ~scrubs~ away the stubborn soap scum you've been disgusted by for ages, but quietly ignored until now. This will have every corner of your bathroom looking as if went through a truly deep clean (even if the effort you put in was minimal).
12. A robot vacuum capable of reaching the areas of your home that you wouldn't dare to venture into — we're talking under the couch, baby! Dust bunnies are no match for this nifty gadget, which will clean all your floors whilst you lounge and binge yet another Netflix docu-series.
13. A magical carpet spot cleaner that over 29,000 devoted reviewer *swear* by for removing stubborn stains. Ever spilled a whole glass of red wine on a white carpet? Opened an old marker and ka-blam, there is now black ink on your couch? This cleaner knows said worries, and gets rid of them in a jiffy.
14. A Scrubbing Bubbles toilet stamp to release a foaming gel with every flush, ~relieving~ you of the arduous task of scrubbing your porcelain throne once a week. This does alllllll the hard work on your behalf.
15. An all-natural tile and tub cleaner that will have you breathing a sigh of relief — literally. You'll no longer be bombarded with that overwhelming icky chemical scent because *this* has light notes of tea tree and eucalyptus but delivers the same results as [insert overwhelmingly smelly cleaner here]! Give your tub a spritz, come back in 15 minutes, and mold, mildew, and rust will slide right off.
16. A no-scrub Wet & Forget cleaner to make "cleaning" as easy as one, two, spritz. This no-rinse product should be used weekly to keep your shower free of mildew, which basically means it will take all of two seconds to feel like you've deep-cleaned the place in which you bathe.
17. A grout cleaner that clings to silicone sealants (the thin area around your shower head, in between your tiles, etc.) and effectively banishes mold and mildew to the pits of heck forever, which is where they rightfully belong. Someone contact Dante and let him know we've got another inferno contender.
18. A garbage disposal brush so you can deep clean *without* having to brace the grossness that is grime and smelly leftovers. So long forever, nasty odors building up in my kitchen sink.
19. A cooktop cleaning kit that's here to help your oven look as sparkly as the day Home Depot dropped if off at your door. This works to cut grease stains and burnt cookie deposits like a knife, cleaning your cooktop surface more efficiently than any of the multi-surface sprays you've been using until this point.
20. An OxiClean powder for bidding adieu to makeup on white T-shirts, oil stains on your favorite dress, and red wine on your living room accent chair. It's even got the bandwidth to revitalize brickwork, with proof in the incredibly satisfying picture featured below.
21. Bottle Bright cleaning tablets that quickly remove all that funky, gross, probably-starting-to-smell build-up in your favorite water bottle. These are biodegradable, chlorine-free, and require absolutely no effort or scrubbing. The results are so. damn. satisfying. to look at.
22. A power scrubber kit equipped with three different-sized attachments, each one perfect for the corners, floor, and door of your shower. This takes off years of accumulated build-up in mere minutes, doing a better job than you would have been able to do by hand. In the words of Daft Punk, this is just better, faster, and stronger.
23. A non-abrasive Bar Keepers Friend cleansing and polishing powder that will destroy years of icky build-up on all of your porcelain, copper, glass, tile, stainless steel, plastic, and brass. Time to grab your cookware set, folks, because the after photos are about to get GOOD.
24. A stain and odor cleaner for when your good boy goes through the whole "rebellious teenager" phase and decides to ruin your newly-purchased Ikea rug. This enzyme-based formula can be used on carpet, leather, hardwood, and upholstery — just a sampling of all the places your pet will probably have an accident on.
25. A Glisten foaming cleaner to neutralize the funky odors coming from your garbage disposal (*yuck*). This lemon-scented stuff requires absolutely no effort and two simples steps: turn on hot water, add the cleanser.
26. A hard water stain-remover because I'm ready to say so long and farewell to the days of staring at my gross shower head that still looks awful despite hours (upon hours) of scrubbing. This quick-working formula is great for toilets, tiles, shower doors, and really anything else that's been affected by hard water!
27. A squeegee broom to quickly sweep up the water spills, potato chip crumbs, and stray strands that have quickly taken over your tiny apartment. An extendable handle and 100% natural rubber also make this an absolute beast for scooping up pet hair.
28. Keurig cleaning cups that'll deep clean your coffee machine (#poetry) within minutes. Simply pop this biodegradable cleaner in as you would a cup of caffeine, and proceed to marvel at the gunk that's made its way into your daily cup of joe.
29. A microwave steam cleaner to finally (and I mean finally) rid your microwave of the caked-on dinner that's been there since about, oh, last year. Simply fill this handy device with vinegar, let 'er run for five to seven minutes, wipe, and done.
30. A faux wood electrical cord box that'll hide unsightly wires that cause heartache by just looking at them. The tangles! The never-ending tangles! They're more than I can personally handle, so I will be hiding them with this box: It's the more efficient tech equivalent of "the chair."*
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