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1. A bottle of Mike's Hot Honey you’ll never leave home without. This all-natural honey, chili pepper, and vinegar mixture add the perfect touch of spicy and sweet to any meal. Thought pizza was already perfect? Add some of this on a slice and prepare for your taste buds to explode.
2. Miracle-Gro food spikes you'll appreciate if you love plants, but a) weren't blessed with the advantage of a green thumb, and b) laziness is your defining feature. These slowly release micronutrients into soil for up to two months, thus allowing your indoor plants to thrive.
3. A coconut sugar Handmade Heroes lip scrub to prep your pout for bold lipstick. This will give you smooth, moisturized lips free of any flakes — and not the delicious, breakfast cereal kind.
4. A CND finishing spray to speed up the whole "house paint dries faster than my nails" process. Just give your freshly-painted mani a quick spritz, and they'll be hardened in about ten minutes. No more chips, smudging, or tears due to effing up your nails whilst fishing in your purse for car keys!
5. A Feed-N-Wax polish and conditioner guaranteed to have you crying tears of pure joy. This blend of carnauba and beeswax takes your oldest furniture (the kind you've inherited from a grandparent) and makes it look brand 👏 spankin' 👏 new 👏, providing a protective coating while removing every single water mark in sight.
6. A buildable L'Oreal waterproof mascara that not only adds volume and length to your lashes, but it also does the unthinkable — and by unthinkable, I mean it won't smudge by mid-afternoon and create the dreaded ~panda eye~ effect. Like, I already have dark circles. I don't need mascara to enhance them.
7. A Neutrogena clarifying shampoo because that ten pounds of dry shampoo you used two days ago is still trapped in your roots, but have no fear! This anti-residue wash deep cleans build-up that would otherwise lead to lack of body, excessive grease, and *gulp* stringiness.
8. A FlexiSnake millipede not meant for the faint of heart. Use this to easily de-clog every drain in your home, but prepare for the horror you'll experience as you dig up about one million pounds of hair and built-up gunk.
9. Silicone backings because let's face it — you own at least 96 pairs of earrings, but have no idea where any of those backs went. Here is an inexpensive solution that will keep jewelry from falling off your earlobe, thus avoiding you having to ask the entire bar to stop what they're doing and search the floor for your newest BaubleBar purchase.
10. A TONYMOLY hydrating sheet mask capable of moisturizing even the most tired of skin, all while invigorating your senses with the scent of lavender — the kind of aroma that could lull you to sleep despite the fact that your upstairs neighbor feels the need to tap dance at 3 A.M.
11. Solaroil to banish the bane of your existence — weak and brittle nails with cuticles that look like they were mauled by a wild animal. Just massage this oil into your nails and cuticles every night before going to bed and, with daily use, your nails will begin to grow and strengthen.
12. A 3-in-1 Oxo avocado slicer that can pit, spit, and slice avocados like there's no tomorrow. I guess you can say that this time-saving tool truly ~guacs~ at turning your avocado toast breakfast dreams into a reality.
13. A cookie cutter set filled with 101 plastic shapes, INCLUDING Halloween-themed ones. *prepares to bite into a chocolate chip treat that looks like a pumpkin, witch, bat, or ghost*
14. A helpful checklist that will remind you to pack underwear, deodorant, contact lens solution, and all the other necessities that you forget to bring. Do you have 18 pairs of shoes? Of course. But did you pack your toothbrush? Hmm, probably not.
15. Pre-cut foil with cotton pads in the middle. Their use? To soak off your gel manicure — the one you've already had for three weeks and is starting to peel/catch in your hair when you shower. You haven't had time to make it to the salon before it closes and that is FINE, because you can just remove it yourself.
16. Bottle Bright cleaning tablets to quickly remove all that funky, gross, probably-starting-to-smell build-up in the above bottle. These are biodegradable, chlorine-free, and — best of all — require absolutely NO effort or scrubbing.
17. A NYX setting spray to lock in your makeup, because it only took about three hours of blending to get it to look this way. So humidity, sweat, tears: it's all irrelevant when you've topped your foundation with this magic stuff, which works to mattify your makeup and prevent it from turning into a greasy mess (no small feat).
18. A vegan Malibu C treatment to prep your 'do for color application: Just leave this on for five minutes to remove color-blocking build-up, ~apply some dye~ within 24 hours, and voila! Your tresses are now a blank canvas that will allow for better color absorption and less fading after leaving the salon.
19. A coconut-scented, cream-to-powder Physicians Formula butter highlighter capable of giving your skin a luminous, "I drink a ton of water" glow. Sleep? You obviously got a ton of it last night.
20. A Trader Joe's sea salt, garlic, and onion seasoning here to turn breakfast into a gourmet affair with basically no effort. This mixtures is perfect for any food you can think of, including the simple scrambled eggs you try to whip up every morning.
21. A can of Sprayway that will leave your glass genuinely glistening. The best part? This ammonia-free formula dissolves grime and grit without leaving *any* streaks. Not a single one.
22. A four-sided brush cleaner for when you wake up to realize that your favorite shoes need some TLC before being worn to the office. This easily cleans away scuff marks and salt stains with little to no effort required, which is pretty much the only amount of effort I'm willing to exert.
23. A Schick dermaplaning razor sent from heaven for people who are done with the pains of plucking and the expense of waxing. This rids stray brow hairs and unwanted peach fuzz, all while ridding your complexion of dead skin to reveal a smoother and brighter complexion.
24. A knife sharpener for knives that can barely cut through bread, let alone a steak. This handy dandy tool has option for both coarse and fine sharpening, as well as a non-slip base that ensures it'll stay put.
25. An enzyme-based Puracy spot remover tough on blood, pit sweat, and tears. So your favorite top has yellowed in the dreaded underarm area? Your child has spilled what seems like an entire gallon of grape juice onto their onesie? No worries. This cruelty-free concoction will brighten those disasters up in a jiffy.
26. Bioderma micellar water that tackles both makeup and excess oil in the laziest way possible: with just a few swipes of a cotton pad. Not only will this gentle formula leave your skin feeling refreshed, but it'll *also* prevent excess shine from creeping in mid-afternoon (at about the same time you're in desperate need of caffeine).
27. Reusable bamboo towels that are great at wiping up spills, saving you a ton of $$$ (they last for up to six months and can be thrown in the wash when dirty), and they cut down on waste because you won't have to purchase more paper. So in other words, a total win.
28. A Love Beauty And Planet body lotion that provides a full 24 hours of hydration in four delicious scents: argan oil and lavender, coconut water and mimosa flower, murumuru butter and rose, and shea butter and sandalwood. Now without further ado, prepare to struggle with choosing just one.
29. A hardshell case so that your sunglasses have an actual shot at making it to your final destination in one piece. I get it. They're inexpensive. But flinging them into your purse will just lead to scratches, scuffs, and heartache so please...just put them in this damn case.
30. A Garnier Fructis finishing spray that will become the ~pièce de résistance~ of your daily styling routine. This provides a non-sticky, light hold while texturizing every single layer to trick everyone into thinking your hair has body. If only they knew the (#thin, #flat, #boring) truth.
31. An OXO silicone spatula with a flexible design that makes it so much easier to dig underneath food and flip even the most temperamental of foods. Yes, I'm talking about sunny side up eggs (a thorn in my side for quite some time now).
32. A Ecotools makeup cleaner because YES, you need to deep clean your brushes. Not only are your makeup tools a breeding ground for bacteria (and a pimple apocalypse waiting to happen), but applying foundation with a brush covered in built-up foundation? Not ideal.
33. A silicone travel mat that is heat-resistant up to 450°F and prevents you from ruining expensive things (like, gee, furniture). Feel free to wrap this around a hot tool before it's completely cooled down (b/c we don't have time for that) with peace of mind nothing will set on fire whilst you're typing away at work.
34. Shadow shields to help you achieve a perfectly even smoky eye while avoiding the dreaded ~raccoon eye~ effect that comes from that grey shadow you love so much. These nifty little adhesives will collect all that fallout AKA you won't have subtle of smudges of shimmery brown sprinkled across your cheeks.
35. An OGX fade-defying oil that enlists the help of orchid extract and grape seed oil to give your ends some lightweight hydration while *also* providing protection against the ☀️. Consider this like a sunscreen for your haircare routine.
36. Cleaning wipes suitable for both leather and suede, perfect for stashing in your black tote bag when the weather is being temperamental! Salt stains from snow? Water marks from rain? You'll be able to wipe 'em away immediately!
37. A Vichy thermal spray packed with minerals and antioxidants that work to both sooth and strengthen your skin, leading to a dewy complexion brighter than the ☀️.
38. A Hair Dance powder dry shampoo especially great at vacuuming up grease and adding body sans any leftover chalky white residue. Pro tip: If you add some into your roots before bed, you'll wake up with a completely refreshed scalp that looks like it was shampooed five minutes ago (...as opposed to five days ago).
39. A pack of trendy hair clips that have the ability to take a boring white tee and turn it into something significantly more stylish. Plus, they keep your hair out of your face. I'm sure you already know that, but I felt it was worth specifying.
40. A stainless steel odor absorber to rid your hands of any pungent scents — because you were supposed to wash the dishes last night, but life happened and now you're stuck doing them in the morning. Just a quick wash with this bar and voilà! Your hands are now odor-free and you won't have the smell of fish lingering around you all day long.
41. A Mario Badescu lip balm that will melt into your lips (think ~the Wicked Witch of the West meets water~) and leave behind a soft, non-sticky surface that won't trap any of your stray hairs.
Me @ everything listed above:
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