17 Items Rihanna Absolutely Must Include In Her New Clothing Line

Peacocking is what Rihanna does best, after all.

Ideally with a contrasting lipstick taped to the tag.

You know, the way you buy bathing suits that are sold top and bottom together.

This is so great — it says "I teach aerobics and trade mutual funds" all at once.

Rihanna's boundless jorts collection is like the holy grail of all that is denim and not full pants. All she'd need to do is stuff some stretch denim knee-length jorts, scissors and paper pattern with dotted lines all over it into a box and presto! She's got a kit to put in bins by the checkout counter. Studs or other bedazzlement could come in the kits for an additional charge.

Like RICH. How obnoxious would that be on the hipsters?

Or CUNT.

Or fake proper nouns based on fashion label names, like RADARTE (a riff on Rodarte). Suggestions include: Rag & Boned; Ballsmain; Michael Whores.

Women deserve looks like this for fancy occasions to make up for all the time so many of us — including Rihanna — spend being uncomfortable because we're wearing something.

Another DIY kit possibility — think of all the buttons she could offer for bedazzling these with. Dollar signs yes, but also: rainbows, martini glasses, cats...

For people who worked so hard on their DIY jorts they can't bear not to wear them in the winter.

Also, anything involving boob pockets.

Or anything that looks like it came from the Magic Mike yard sale.

Great for night...

And day.

Because in Rihanna land, garters don't disappear under clothes — they ARE clothes!

For those moments when the tattoo artist can't be found.

In 80 different colors.

Because you can't wear jorts every day, sometimes it's more eye-catching to make your thighs look like fencing.