Look, I'm going to just cut right to the chase on this one, y'all. This week, we received our first trailer for Guns Akimbo, and I just...you know what, just watch it yourself:
Yeah, so...that was a lot, right? A lot to process on a weekday. So please allow me to break this down for you as best I can.
Our colorful story follows bored video game developer Miles (Daniel Freakin' Radcliffe), who doesn't believe he's reached his full potential in life.
But his mundane existence is turned on its head when a dark web group only known as "SKIZM" — a gang of unknown members who pick out strangers and force them to fight to the death for the web's entertainment — chooses him for their next battle.
Part of SKIZM's whole deal is weakening the opponent that they already think will lose, further stacking the odds against them. In this case, that results in Miles waking up with literal guns glued to his hands. He has...guns akimbo.
Like, this setup is incredible??? I am the target audience for this film???? Look at him trying to open a door! Amazing.
Anyway, this is when he discovers that Nix (Samara Weaving) — a certified kickass killing machine — is his opponent, and he must kill her in order to survive himself.
Now, if you're like, "Why does the kickass person in this trailer look so darn familiar?!" it's because Samara Weaving ALSO kicked ass all over the place as the unlucky bride in last year's immediate horror cult classic, Ready or Not.
I digress. Miles tries to team up with Nix (which doesn't seem to work right away), hoping to defeat the evil SKIZM and get his life back. GUNS FOR HANDS.
Described on the Madman Films YouTube video as "echoing elements of Edgar Wright's Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, the Purge franchise, and video games like Mortal Kombat"...This movie is going to be a freakin' TRIP, I'm tellin' ya.
So, uh, yeah. This is a real thing in the real world that, frankly, we all deserve. Be sure to catch the madness that is Guns Akimbo when it hits theaters March 5, 2020!