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1. Give your friend the gift of multiple orgasms with the legendary Satisfyer Pro 2. It simulates oral sex by using a pressure vacuum and vibrations, and reviewers are obsessed with how it can go from gentle to earth shattering with the touch of a button.
2. A penis colouring book so that they can turn their sexual frustrations into art. Now they can sit around and draw pictures of dicks all day like a young Seth from Superbad (but these ones are a lot prettier, TBH).
3. A bottle of water-based K-Y jelly lubricant to make their return to the sack a more pleasureable experience. To quote Sebastian the crab, "darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me."
4. A pack of bougie condoms, because safe sex is a damn good present. These ones have a hexagonal web design that makes them more durable and maximizes pleasure.
5. A Durex bullet vibrator that's under $15, but performs like a million bucks. Sometimes good things really do come in small packages.
6. An Amazon Echo Dot speaker so that they can set the mood by whispering, “Alexa, play some soft jazz.” You can connect it to more powerful speakers, if you want a surround sound experience.
7. A bottle of sensual massage oil that'll make solo and partner play a lot more enjoyable. Even if it doesn't lead to any happy endings, your friend will thank you for giving them the gift of softer skin.
8. A sonic pulsing massager that looks shockingly similar to an ocarina (perfect for the Zelda fan in your life). It has eight settings, so they can choose their perfect rhythm.
9. A compact travel razor that's great for touch-ups. It has a water spritzer, moisturizing bar, and two blades, so they'll have everything they need to restore the look of their wax job. You just spin it to the product you need and get to work.
10. A stylish stainless steel vibrator that's pretty enough to be worn as jewelry. Can any of their other necklaces can give them an orgasm? I think not.
11. A set of crème brûlée-scented shower essentials that'll help them prep for a night of passion. Now they won’t just look like a snack; they’ll smell like one, too.
12. A ribbed clitoral vibrator that has ten settings and can be controlled from up to 32 feet away using a remote, if they're into long-distance partner play.
13. A set of silky soft sheets because nobody wants to entertain a new guest with ratty old bedding. This set is resistant to odours and bacteria so they don't have to worry if juices start flowing.
14. A set of sheet suspenders, because their first time back on the horse may lead to a wild ride and they don’t want a tangled-up fitted sheet slowin’ them down.
15. This bestselling clitoral sucking vibrator that has all the right curves and edges. Reviewers say that it can be a little tricky to find the right spot if you've never used a device like this before, but once you do, the feeling is absolutely bananas. Excuse me while I add this to my own cart.
16. Give the gift of a bejewelled booty with these stainless steel butt plugs. They come in three different sizes so that they'll be able to find their perfect fit.
17. A saucy lil' notepad so that they can skip the small talk and get straight to the point. When you present them with your gift, please inform them that this is not a great thing to whip out on a first date.
18. A natural soy wax candle to inspire love and passion because romance isn't dead, y'all. This one can burn for 70 hours, or several date nights.
19. A flexible rabbit vibrator that hits the clit and G-spot at the same time for some serious pleasure. It has ten settings to choose from and will ensure they have a very happy holiday.
20. A set of adjustable restraints, because they've probably watched 50 Shades of Grey (or done some serious "research" on PornHub) during their dry spell and may be dying to try some new things.
21. An electric wine bottle opener so that they can swiftly open any bottle of shiraz or chardonnay. Fumbling around with a corkscrew ain't sexy, so this will probably solve a few problems.
22. This simple, yet effective massage wand that lasts for 90 minutes when fully charged — meaning it won't run out of energy before they do.
23. A set of acrylic dice with sexy suggestions to give them a bit of inspo when the return to the boudoir. They'll never know what's in store, but in the best way.
24. A textured finger massager with nine vibration patterns that'll basically give your pal the Midas touch of sex. It's remote control operated and has a curved tip that targets the G-spot, so they won't have to put in any extra work.
25. And finally, an informative how-to guide, in case your friend's sex life has been on hold for so long that they may have forgotten how to do a thing or two. Yes, I know this is a shady gift, don't @ me.
Your friend after receiving your gift:
