26 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Helped Me Forget About My Impending Seasonal Depression

    "Thought I’d have a few more years before the kids’ math homework got too hard for me, but looks like I’m tapping out at grade two." —@LindsayHameroff

    Here's what happened last week: The queue to pay respects to the dead queen was very long, Blake Lively posted her own pregnancy photos on Instagram to get back at the paparazzi, and Adam Levine maybe cheated on his pregnant wife but definitely doesn't know how to sext. And that's what you missed on GLEE!

    So distract yourself from the chaos of the world with the chaos of this roundup, and make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter!


    fashion students be like damn i have pants due at 11:59pm

    Twitter: @cartierdior


    My toddler won’t come to me in his room to get ready for bed bc he’s playing with his toys so instead I decided to lie down in my bed so he can sense I’m comfortable and come ruin it.

    Twitter: @clhubes


    called my friend to tell him i got fired from my day job and he responded by saying he got cast on SNL

    Twitter: @lilsmichelle


    it's fun how my parents, who spent my whole life lecturing me on the value and importance of hard work, seem personally offended by the fact that I can not chat with them in the middle of the day because I have a job

    Twitter: @behindyourback


    phantom of the opera should go out with a bang by actually dropping the chandelier on the audience during the last performance

    Twitter: @musicallaneous


    No, no. Fantasy is when you really want to fuck an elf, and sci-fi is when you really want to fuck a robot. Hope this helps.

    Twitter: @Ruby_Stevens


    I’m hearing 70+ year old are waiting in a queue for 14+ hours to see the queen??? I am never giving up my seat on the bus ever again

    Twitter: @Chinnwee


    In my Alaskan bear era (eating a lot of salmon, sleeping increasingly more, snacking on berries n honey, snarling at strangers)

    Twitter: @delia_cai


    I always think I'm like "with it" and then I see something like this and realize I truly have no idea what's going on, ever

    Twitter: @kelleygreene


    If evolution is real then shouldn't women be able to shoot pepper spray out of their fingertips by now?

    Twitter: @missmulrooney


    ok kids are dumb as hell once I asked a 3 year old what she wanted to be when she grew up and she hit me w "doctor or shopping cart"

    Twitter: @BrotiGupta


    I just need to go ahead and admit it. I'm not mature enough to live in a state called Idaho

    Twitter: @Crazy_ButCute2


    “Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food?” - my child, about to be shook

    Twitter: @kidversations_


    obama voice: My uh, Chemical Romance

    Twitter: @bugsmaytrix


    HE HATES ME!!! (he’s asleep while i’m awake)

    Twitter: @ufobri


    What do you think the other Maroon 4 are saying

    Twitter: @hansdickie


    Tonight's to-do list: -honk -shoo -honk -mimimimimi

    Twitter: @TennesAnyone


    You overpack for vacation and most of the stuff you don’t even wear, but your clothes need a vacation too. They seem to enjoy it.

    Twitter: @AnneHatfieldVO


    i would have a lot more faith in ghost experts if i saw them go "actually no this house isn't haunted" even once

    Twitter: @poisonjr


    "slut era" she whispers while in a committed long term monogamous relationship and she only leaves her apartment for groceries

    Twitter: @milkycarousel


    In a way we’re ALL in a massive queue leading to a coffin

    Twitter: @lucyprebblish


    Thoight I’d have a few more years before the kids’ math homework got too hard for me, but looks like I’m tapping out at grade two

    Twitter: @LindsayHameroff


    fucking obsessed with the titles they give these Lifetime thrillers. Hell friggin yes I want to watch "Swim Instructor Nightmare"

    Twitter: @caitiedelaney


    My newest passion is making up sex positions when weird dudes ask my favorite. I'm a big fan of the Flying Lacrosse Kick, but I also really like the Tightrope Nanny.

    Twitter: @shannonconways


    Therapist: what do we say when our actions have upset someone? Me: Hoes mad Therapist: no

    Twitter: @Noorthevirgo


    omg thanks for ending the meeting 4 minutes early and "giving me some time back" -- now I can finally pursue my passions

    Twitter: @sablaah