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    If You Ever Thought "Gee, I Wish I Could Read 24 Wildly Funny Tweets By Women Right This Very Second," Boy, Do I Have Good News For You! (Click Here)

    "My 8yo had the audacity to ask me why I cross my legs when I sneeze. You, dude. You are the reason." —@ShannonJCurtin

    It's corn season, which means everyone is going to have that viral song about corn stuck in their heads for another month or so! 🌽🌽🌽

    So while you're waiting in line at your local CSA for your weekly corn haul, make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter!


    my biggest financial mistake was being in 8th grade in 2009 when I should’ve been buying foreclosed real estate

    Twitter: @moneywithkatie


    Twitter: @lizzzzzielogan


    If you hold a pigeon up to your ear you can hear what it sounds like to be attacked by a pigeon.

    Twitter: @elle91


    just took my plan b with red bull. that baby’s gonna get its wings one way or another

    Twitter: @miss_pissyy


    Twitter is giving me regular updates on the location of the Queen’s coffin like I personally ordered it on Amazon

    Twitter: @VeryBadLlama


    unfair that you have to be a ghost in order to haunt someone

    Twitter: @BrotiGupta


    Guys be like “wanna watch a movie where you’re uncomfortable the whole time? It’s really good”

    Twitter: @LalalaLindseyJ


    My 8yo had the audacity to ask me why I cross my legs when I sneeze. You, dude. You are the reason.

    Twitter: @ShannonJCurtin


    The thing many people don’t realize about Plymouth Rock is that it is a rock.

    Twitter: @missmulrooney


    i open tiktok and in 3 minutes i'm being diagnosed with autism and told that blinking is a trauma response

    Twitter: @ycsm1n


    My boyfriend has such a beautiful girlfriend. Love it for him.

    Twitter: @realmainfeeling


    when my boyfriend is home i eat three square meals a day and when he is gone i creep into the kitchen for a handful of dry cereal or a pickle every two hours like a tiny rat in a bodega in bedstuy

    Twitter: @AriaAber


    you blocked someone on everything and all of a sudden cxzvbhb is watching your story

    Twitter: @miacsosa


    too many ppl selling their souls to corporations, not enough ppl selling their souls to a weird little freak who lives under a bridge

    Twitter: @SydneyBattle


    i hope the movie 'my policeman' is just two people yelling at each other over and over again like 'no he's MY policeman!!!'

    Twitter: @_lanabelle


    sometimes you see a person running in such a way that you know they're doing this instead of going to therapy

    Twitter: @Chelsea_Fagan


    sex is not real. its a concept made up by the government to try to distract you from your grind in valorant. stay strong gamers dont let them win‼️

    Twitter: @chenpionxy


    stories in the Bible kill me sometimes… like imagine getting sold into slavery by your brothers cus your dad gave you a Canada Goose jacket

    Twitter: @abcdrih


    whenever i clean my vibrator in the sink i feel like i’m in a dawn commercial washing a duckling that’s been in an oil spill

    Twitter: @anne_sundell


    One of the perks of marriage is having someone around to let you know which normal things from your childhood were actually very very weird

    Twitter: @missmulrooney


    she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October

    Twitter: @netcapgirl


    i dont smoke but im an ally (carry a lighter)

    Twitter: @bigmikstake


    (Newborn baby twitter) Left boob milk seriously hits different 💬50 ♻️13.7k ❤️277k When he can’t roll over by himself 🚩 💬14 ♻️9,444 ❤️182k How naptime is rooted in colonialism - 🧵 💬99 ♻️26k ❤️334k

    Twitter: @autogynefiles


    [having size 9 shoes on paper]: completely normal, literally the average women’s size in the USA [having size 9 shoes at the store]: greetings Amazonian giantess, we keep your enormous clodhoppers in the shed out back, lest they frighten the villagers

    Twitter: @VeryBadLlama