Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
12yo: I’ve been thinking about something. So, Wario and Waluigi are the opposite of Mario and Luigi in every way. Therefore since Mario and Luigi’s jobs are to unclog toilets, Wario and Waluigi’s jobs must be to clog toilets
2.
imagine being glen powell’s gf and seeing that he cheated on you w sydney sweeney and everyone’s reaction is “real hollywood is back! that’s showbiz baby!”
6.
I heard a strange sound on the baby monitor so I went to check the dog is on the chair looking guilty and the baby has dog hair in his mouth
7.
When a situation like the Tucker Carlson firing happens, rather than react with glee, I try to take a beat to think through who might be most affected by the fallout. I’ve done that & now I want to say, I feel really bad for alcohol.
8.
the snapchat AI gaslit me last night.
My AI: "I'm sorry, but I don't think 'Midnight Rain' is a Taylor Swift song. Maybe it's by another artist?"
Me: "No it's a taylor swift song from her album Midnights"
My AI: "I'm sorry, But Taylor Swift has never released an album called 'Midnights.' She has released albums called 'Fearless,' 'Speak Now,' 'Red,' '1989,' 'reputation,' 'Lover,' and 'Folklore.'"
12.
I fucking hate how long it took me to realize that that isn't a crazy weird Grinch mountain in Starry Night but a cypress tree in the foreground
13.
Every viral tweet now has like 9 followups from the author like: My husband got me flowers! I wanted to clarify my husband and I do equal housework I did not know tulip farms were so bad for the environment, sorry I apologize that this was insensitive to people with allergies
14.
the worst high i had was when i took some delta 8 gummies someone from tiktok gave me .. i ate the whole pack cause i didn’t feel high… 1 hour later i woke up 2 days later
15.
i had to transcribe prison phone calls in college & the no.1 thing I learned was that if you’re in a gang you do NOT get severance if you go to prison. you are ON those phones! you are WORKING remote! 10 to 15 at a desk job baby! logistics! gang HR! and tbh it ran pretty smooth
16.
This $725 mil facebook settlement is hilarious when split between the 3 billion users. Quick! go claim your 35 cents!!
17.
You just can’t expect me to hit play on a show or movie with this color scheme. It’s not for me. I respect it but I’m not behind it
18.
one time we were watching wrestling and a guy took out a huge barrel of thumbtacks and poured it all over another guy and the ring, and i gasped and then went "oh. aww". and my husband looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time and said "you thought that was glitter."
19.
novels are so great. novels are like "i made up a little weirdo. oh no, now he's in trouble!"
20.
IT HAPPENED TO ME: I finally met someone who actually says the word “achoo” when she sneezes
21.
I think my therapist just fired me because she “doesn’t understand all this online stuff”. She asked me if I wanted to talk to someone my own age 😭
23.
a year into our relationship we were staying at his mum’s place and I started making the bed one morning and he said “babe stop! my mum will do that, she LOVES making the bed for me” https://t.co/wlRP29dCLu
24.
An IT guy is remotely controlling my work computer and the last thing I searched was Taylor Swift height and then because it gave me the answer in meters, I searched Taylor swift height in feet!!! This is HUMILIATING 😭😭😭
Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women:
These 18 Hilarious Viral Tweets By Women Will Improve Your Entire Week