The first three months of 2023 have been great for funny tweets by women, so let's look back on 50 of the best this year so far:
well, well, well if it isn’t all my “we’ll deal with it in January” chickens home to roost
Make sure you follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!
1.
ppl rlly don’t drop money on the floor like they used to
2.
i hate when people use military time like ok cadet kelly
3.
these pics send me every time. this type of white man is so familiar to me…. the posture. the attempt at casualness. brazenly smitten despite being unavailable. it truly sends me. put them in the louvre
4.
Just saw a terf claim trans women "don't know what it's like to be the daughter when a son is wanted" and BABE I got NEWS
5.
Whenever I’m feeling down, I remember the company dinner when an intern turned to our CEO and asked, “Who are you?”
6.
i said one word
Text exchange between two people:
Person 1: "I think I'm too much for you."
Person 2: "Cool"
Person 1: I like you, Aly, but I don't think I'm what you're looking for. But if you ever need to talk, I'm here. As a friend. I'm not trying to be a dick, I'm just trying to be honest. I'm sorry, this is just how I feel. Also, I have major trust issues that I need to fix before I try to..."
7.
Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.
8.
It finally happened. My neighbor approached me in the hall because she’s concerned my boyfriend is abusive. I let her know that when she hears me say, “Stop it, Oscar! That hurts!” I’m actually talking to my cat. I have an abusive cat.
9.
POV: you’ve just walked into any given writers room in the 1990s
10.
it’s crazy how you can have a skincare routine down while someone else is acne free just from water & body wash on the face
11.
it is beyond fucked up that restaurateur doesn't have an n in it
12.
Cost of living crisis is hitting everyone hard. Our 5 year old cat that moved out over a year ago just came back home full time like nothing happened. Ma’am
13.
when ur trying to leave the supermarket but mom ran into a friend
14.
Why can’t someone invent a healthy cigarette? I thought this was the future.
15.
Never ceases to be funny that “All-Star,” sung by a group of super bro-y, burly dudes, includes the line “you’ll never shine if you don’t glow.” It’s like they ran out of lyrics and a My Little Pony episode was on in the background.
16.
Ladies do not call your bf your “partner” if he listens to Joe Rogan
17.
Who is the hero who rented out a Shake Shack and hired a private saxophonist, please I must know
18.
We need a slur for people wearing Apple Watches
19.
"humor was much better in 2017" humor in 2017: whomstve the fucc ate my spaghet
20.
We did it.
21.
It finally happened: someone asked me where the library was in Spanish. I’ve been training for this since high school.
22.
why would u ever want to be friends with benefits with a man? like what benefits are u getting aside from a life lesson
23.
Doesn't feel like an oops at all. Feels fairly deliberate https://t.co/aLgSAnF24I
24.
gotta apologize to male authors because I just walked down the stairs and it turns out my chest did actually breast boobily
25.
if you wanna get over a man just watch him eat
26.
my dad just sent me this venn diagram he made
27.
No piece of comedy is as funny as your friend accidentally saying a word a little bit wrong
28.
My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.
29.
I’m deleting dating apps and going back to bed with my vibrator
Text exchange:
Person 1: "Hey I know it's in 45 minutes but can we postpone our date? My friend just showed me his NFT collection (he has 3 apes) and I want to record a podcast about it with him lol"
Person 2: "That's fine"
30.
white ppl snapped when they said “I don’t give a rat’s ass”
31.
[how conservatives picture future archeologists]: this skeleton has female clothes and jewellry but it's obviously a man [what future archeologists will actually be like]: *clutching an ancient pizza cutter wheel* WHAT ARE YOU FOR. TELL ME YOUR SECRETS.
32.
I would not care if my husband cheated on me publicly with a friend nearly so much as I would care if my husband wore this hat.
33.
queer women are like “I know a spot” and give you keys to their apartment
34.
This is such bollocks. 41 years ago two irresponsible people had unprotected sex and now I have to get up in the dark and go to work.
35.
whenever a large number of men are all saying a girl is creepy or weird looking i know i’m about to see one of the most beautiful creatures alive. like it’s exciting
36.
Me telepathically telling my friend across the room that I want to leave the event.
37.
you want me to find a husband? The person who is statistically most likely to murder me?
38.
If you insist on misgendering me during your tattoo then I'm charging you double. Sorry, but if you insist I'm a man then it's a known fact that men earn more than women. Call it a "sir" charge.
39.
The south is so amazing. Just talked to an old man by the river about micro plastics and he said "There’s glitter in our veins that will long outlast our bones" then he just walked away from me.
40.
Mum: "Hi love — Dad and I been on the margaritas!! Everything ok there ? Xx"
Dad: "So I'm listening to Chain by Fleetwood Mac. You are in the privileged position of having this AND everything which followed. My question is do you have s..."
41.
cologne but the C is silent
42.
all these men vying for Speaker and none running to be Listener. makes u think
44.
many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son's teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her " he NEVER speaks", I asked him - " Gabo, what's going on?" he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman"
45.
three suited men in my coffeeshop. one of them just said, "my personal idea of progress is moving things forward," which is actually just the definition. everyone's nodding. guys like this are in charge of every industry and it's clearly why trains explode
46.
This photo goes crazy. The Etsy girlies are going to have a field day.
47.
Racism might not be all that bad bc I walked into to the nail salon and the nail lady said she remember me and gave me a discount. It was my first time there.
48.
Gwyneth Paltrow is so funny. She went on an hour long podcast to basically tell people she eats like a poor victorian child
49.
oh
Text exchange:
Person 1: "sorry you had a bad day you can touch my boobs if u want"
Person 2: "Be serious"
50.
men do shrooms once and discover the same things 13 year old girls have discovered alone in their bedrooms
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women in March:
If You Don't Cackle Like A Hyena At These 35 Viral Tweets By Women, You Have No Sense Of Humor