These 22 Genuinely Hysterical Tweets By Women Made My Entire Week, And I Bet They'll Make Yours, Too
"i love when people are able to introduce me to their grandparents using their insane made-up name in a 100% serious tone, 'this is peeps and lolly.'" —@emilykmay
Just because these lists highlight funny tweets by women doesn't mean men don't deserve the occasional shoutout. So here's your reminder that dudes rock:
I love women because they are either thinking about skincare or death.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) November 2, 2023
And make sure you follow all of these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
to do lists are so fun. it’s just “drink water” and “read” followed by a list of everything i’ve ever wanted to achieve since i was 7
— chase (@_chase_____) October 29, 2023
2.
my dog won’t stop eating bees. she’s eaten like 5 bees. im going to just let her eat the bees. who cares. she is an idiot creature
— katie (@skatie420) November 1, 2023
3.
Waking up in my 30s pic.twitter.com/sxAZ2qTnXm
— 𝕯𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖔 𝕭𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖘 (@EmmaTolkin) November 2, 2023
4.
the lord giveth (my great boobs) and the lord taketh away (my general mental health)
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) August 23, 2023
5.
What’s the word for when you’re fine but also so full of sadness and ache that u feel like you might explode but you’re okay enough to show up for work but also you’re dying?
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) November 2, 2023
6.
I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 2, 2023
7.
Last night I was at a very fancy restaurant and I watched a woman casually take a sip of water out of a small vase of roses on the table. Her husband didn’t react at all.
— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) October 29, 2023
I cannot stop thinking about it.
8.
i love when people are able to introduce me to their grandparents using their insane made-up name in a 100% serious tone, “this is peeps and lolly.”
— emily (@emilykmay) October 30, 2023
9.
The few days after Halloween are the best. Everything's on sale. I've already eaten 11 costumes
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) November 2, 2023
10.
Losing it at this tweet being posted two minutes earlier than any news source I can find on this https://t.co/CgtkAvkLAR
— youngest known hag (@glamdemon2004) October 28, 2023
11.
Someone farted next to me through my entire one hour yoga class today, during which the teacher asked us to "breathe deeply" while I was getting power-blasted by Ponytail Geoff's anal rips. Pray 4 my soul. It is tattered.
— Lane Moore📚 (@hellolanemoore) November 2, 2023
12.
I had a rolling backpack in highschool. I came in every morning looking like I was going through TSA.
— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) October 26, 2023
13.
bill nye’s full name is william new years eve
— kim (@KimmyMonte) October 30, 2023
14.
I’m never more annoyed at my kid than when they’re acting exactly like me.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) November 2, 2023
15.
I had to explain to a man that period blood isn’t like just liquid blood and that it’s more similar to a Venom type creature
— meg “Yooper” bitchell (@MeganBitchell) October 24, 2023
16.
My kid spent the night at his grandparents last night and I just found out he had his grandmother frying chicken for him at 2 o’clock in the morning😒
— A Girl Has No Name (@Nyx_19) October 28, 2023
17.
building old nyc apartments like: “so i was thinking the burning hot pipes could be exposed? haha yeah like not insulated at all. and maybe there could be one like right next to the shower? yeah kinda like right where their bare ass is most likely to touch it? perfect”
— chase (@_chase_____) November 2, 2023
18.
With friendships I have what I like to call “outdoor cat attachment style.” Some weeks u will see me a ton and other weeks u will not know if I’m dead or alive but don’t worry I still love u I will not forget u
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) October 31, 2023
19.
Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely touched your rotisserie chicken flavor water enhancer pic.twitter.com/xTDwlLuZqY
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) November 2, 2023
20.
for some reason my hotel room has 2 toilets and i have been using them equally so neither one “feels left out” in case you’re wondering how i’m doing
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) October 29, 2023
21.
I am 33 I went to a top school I beat cancer I have overcome countless hardships both personal and professional and once again I am brought to my knees by a mediocre man ignoring my stories it’s time to learn an instrument again
— Chelsea Pope (@chelseathepope) October 28, 2023
22.
no noise november. everyone shut up
— alissa violet (@AlissaViolet) November 1, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week...
24 Positively Hysterical Tweets By Women That Made Me Laugh So Hard I Needed My Inhaler
...or the funniest tweets by women in October!
You'll Pass Away From Laughing At The 47 Funniest Tweets By Women Last Month (RIP!!!)