24 Positively Hysterical Tweets By Women That Made Me Laugh So Hard I Needed My Inhaler
"when someone is talking about 'protecting their peace' you know they are the absolute most chaotic person alive" —@1followernodad
I don't know about you, but I'm physically incapable of logging off the internet on my own, no matter how much I need a break. So I recognize that this would put me out of a job, but I fully agree with this tweet:
All the internet should be is Wikipedia. You should be able to look up who was the 9th president or what spiderwebs are made of and that’s it. Everything else on here is unseemly.
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) October 25, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Turns out, marriage *is* hard. My husband just cooked a lasagna for 70 minutes in an oven that wasn’t on.
— Carissa is in Barbie Mode (@CarissasNewLife) October 24, 2023
2.
Regularly haunted by my own hubris - tried to set my bf up on a playdate with my coworkers husband because they both “really like bikes.” Anyways, it turns out her husband was in the Tour De France
— C. E. Aubin (@ceaubin) October 25, 2023
3.
Oh my god I needed this laugh. This is all a rejected candidate emailed me in response to a form rejection email. I'm trying to decide if I respond earnestly or not. pic.twitter.com/oq7h8eet4U
— Manic Pixie Dream Taco (@QueenofTacos) October 24, 2023
4.
The vet called my 7 yr old dog a “senior” today which is impossible because she’s just a baby?? like… she & i discuss it often abt how she is just a tiny little baby … ??
— Amanda Brooke Perrin (@brookeperrin) October 24, 2023
5.
(gaslighting my gen Z girlfriend) noo babe I wasn’t flirting with her… (remembering a tik tok she sent me) you probably just don’t understand social interactions because you’re undiagnosed autistic
— April Clark (@autogynefiles) October 22, 2023
6.
Being in Italy has made me realize that I cannot tell the difference between people speaking Italian and people making fun of speaking Italian
— Kenice Mobley (@kenicemobley) October 25, 2023
7.
me and my 47 alarms pic.twitter.com/RMvftkOWzY
— chase (@_chase_____) October 22, 2023
8.
Medieval documentaries: these were impenetrably dark times of abject poverty and misery. And the knights? a mercenary ruling class
— katewagner@bsky.social (@mcmansionhell) October 24, 2023
Medieval literature: I am so down bad for this fair maiden of nobler birth that I want to kill myself. I wish my horse would crush my skull
9.
i almost went home with this guy tonight but he started to keep smelling my hair and my neck over and over and like making weird sounds so i left. guys will drink and start acting like dracula ,
— laura 🦠 (@ecto_fun) October 22, 2023
10.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) October 23, 2023
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
11.
I been crying laughing for an hour man. My homeboy rents his car out to ppl on Turo, and somebody rented his Camaro from him for 4 days right? They tinted his windows yall LMFAOOOOOO brought his shit back with tinted windows WHY 😭 pic.twitter.com/X9Mb8Pg0yc
— wiz fajita (@trillary_banks_) October 23, 2023
12.
In the category of “shopping is definitely getting worse” the furniture company that I bought my new chair from emails me upwards of three and four times a day to remind me to…buy the chair I just bought
— Night of the Living Thread 🧵 (@ambernoelle) October 24, 2023
13.
always a fine line between being stoned enough to think a movie is really good and being stoned enough that you can’t stop thinking about how you’re just watching real people pretend to be other people for money
— mar (@itsmariannnna) October 20, 2023
14.
I got my eyebrows waxed and when she was done the esthetician said “I tried to make them even” and like… yes? I hope so?
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 25, 2023
15.
All right then, keep your secrets pic.twitter.com/IwCuF1TIj4
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 24, 2023
16.
If you give a guy an opportunity to show you a YouTube video, he’s gonna want to show you 27 more YouTube videos to go with it.
— Brittnay Johnston (@britthorsenoise) October 23, 2023
17.
i was pushing my baby out and i asked th doctor like “do he have hair, can you see hair” mannn that lady gone say “yea we see a lot of hair just not his” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 now THAT was embarrassing 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💀
— lilbitdarch🥺 (@damndarch) October 25, 2023
18.
Remote work is so unserious like why am I at a coffee shop in a meeting about tiktok strategy for my bidet job while my friend across the table gives a presentation about her experience driving the Wienermobile
— maggie m (@margomollo) October 20, 2023
19.
Just sold this candle to an elderly woman who immediately asked for scissors,clipped the wick off, then giggled her way out of the store 😂 pic.twitter.com/ZGtkHj7m9q
— Katie (@_ugh_whatnow) October 23, 2023
20.
when someone is talking about “protecting their peace” you know they are the absolute most chaotic person alive
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 25, 2023
21.
Hey, are you mad me? You're not? Phew ok, well then I'm sorry if you weren't mad at me before, but then when I asked "are you mad at me" now you ARE mad at me for asking, or if none of that happened, but now ur mad at me because I said all this? *stumbles off a cliff on purpose*
— Lane Moore📚 (@hellolanemoore) October 20, 2023
22.
gotta dress for this movie like I'm boarding a Southwest Flight pic.twitter.com/a2cVWBYtPb
— Claire (@clairecdowns) October 22, 2023
23.
dan and I had been lovingly gazing at each other in silence for a couple of seconds and at the same moment I eventually said “you’re very handsome” he blurted out “do you think I’d be a good mayor”
— Daisy Chandley (@daisychandley) October 22, 2023
24.
Hurry! You will only have these 2 weeks to wear jackets that do nothing
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) October 22, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
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...or the funniest tweets by women in September!
I Cannot Overstate How Wildly Hilarious These 52 Tweets By Women Are