I Genuinely Can't Overstate How Hysterical These 22 Tweets By Women Are
"New rejection level unlocked: 'we are grateful for the confidence you have demonstrated in sending your work'" —@fklein907
Life is really tough right now. Thankfully, Britney Spears saw all the chaos in the world and decided she, alone, could fix it with her upcoming memoir.
Me: I CAN’T WAIT FOR TUESDAY
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 19, 2023
Husband: Our 9-year wedding anniversary!
Me: …exactly. pic.twitter.com/XYgmkXB7Ew
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Someone asked to share my table at a coffee shop and then asked me to leave the table because they have a meeting??? Am I in an episode of Seinfeld??
— Elizabeth Goodspeed (@domesticetch) October 19, 2023
2.
Working In Office is soooo degrading why am I biking 3 miles in slacks at 8 am with a jar of beef stew in my backpack
— manic pixie cheese curd, MPH (@tildawhirl) October 17, 2023
3.
Shout out to the lady at the gym who just yelled into her phone ‘THE ONLY PROBLEM IN MY LIFE IS YOU BRIAN’; hung up and went right back to her workout
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) October 18, 2023
4.
Obsessed with this woman on my flight who’s trying to commandeer an entire overhead compartment for “her hats”
— Danielle Perez she/her (@DivaDelux) October 19, 2023
5.
I truly feel Ben Affleck is the mascot and spokesperson for those of us who are Perpetually Bothered pic.twitter.com/EUpTeCuPtt
— Night of the Living Thread 🧵 (@ambernoelle) October 13, 2023
6.
If I was a Care Bear, I’d have ibuprofen on my belly.
— Kellalena (@topaz_kell) October 17, 2023
7.
I love how Dyson’s whole thing is just Air. Like yeah we make the things that suck it in with the dust. And also the things that blow it out for your hair. And also for your hands in the public restroom. Fuck with me
— eliza (@elizamclamb) October 18, 2023
8.
Husband: You need to stop spending so much money on shirts for the dog.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 18, 2023
Me: Fine. You go tell Oliver we have to return his Dave Growl presents, the Fur Fighters T-shirt.
9.
A haunted house but you have to choose between a room full of people you know shouting “when will you settle down? when are you getting engaged? when will you have a baby?” or a room full of killer bees
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) October 16, 2023
10.
New rejection level unlocked: “we are grateful for the confidence you have demonstrated in sending your work”
— Frances Klein (@fklein907) October 17, 2023
11.
this box has been sitting in my hallway for *six weeks* and my husband has not asked me what it is, why I haven’t opened it, or if I should ever plan on moving it and this is what it’s like when both partners have ADHD. pic.twitter.com/NMB0ZJQlku
— emily (@emilykmay) October 14, 2023
12.
There should be drive-thru karaoke. Like I pull up, give the guy $5, he lets me into a soundproof room where I sing I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston with so much passion my vocal chords snap apart like old rubber bands, then I quietly get back in the car and head home
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 17, 2023
13.
If i was a girl cat and i saw a boy cat get the zoomies that would be such an ick
— callie actually (@eggshellfriend) October 17, 2023
14.
Recently found out that one of the big incely accounts on here that sells guides to American guys on how to be alphas is actually ran by 2 women in India and idk why that’s so damn funny
— Alex Friedman 🤠 (@heyalexfriedman) October 20, 2023
15.
my favourite Halifax fun fact is that the soil here is so acidic that it dissolves the bones of the people we bury here. all the graveyards in the city are basically just dirt fields with monuments for people who have been eaten by the earth. sweet dreams, everyone.
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 17, 2023
16.
because of my job, i am oft at a cafe with my laptop brightness turned up to 100 googling things like "male ejaculation decision making study"
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 14, 2023
17.
thanks to my doctor i now know my number one issue is “transgender person” pic.twitter.com/Y1tPr4hBZ6
— north (@north0fnorth) October 17, 2023
18.
This kid at my high school weirdly started laughing during an announcement by a student raising money for "Race for the Cure." And he had to explain to a teacher that he was laughing because he pictured a charity race for The Cure. I think about this OFTEN.
— Brandi, Now A Phillies Fan 😾 (@ItsTheBrandi) March 10, 2023
19.
personally, if i had a hammer, i’d hammer in the mid to late afternoon
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) October 17, 2023
20.
It is annoying that as soon as a woman turns 30, people start reminding her constantly about her biological clock, but I do appreciate the reminder that women’s time is, indeed, much more valuable than men’s is
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) October 15, 2023
21.
There was a guy at the set last night who was hooting and hollering and filming the entire thing. As the opener I’m like this is probably just a drunk fan of the headliners. Come to find out it was my HIGH SCHOOL DRUG DEALER who came out to support.. king I will always remember u
— eliza (@elizamclamb) October 17, 2023
22.
Not to be a Halloween Scrooge but I don’t like that everyone uses stencils to carve their pumpkins now. Jack-o-lanterns are supposed to be extremely unimpressive. You should have a vision in your head and then not be able to execute it. That’s what Halloween is all about.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 17, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
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