Fair Warning: You'll Literally Pass Away From Laughing At The 28 Funniest Tweets By Women Last Week (RIP!!!)
"I have compiled an exhaustive list of people who saw me last week and didn’t tell me about that chin hair. You won’t be forgiven." —@anylaurie16
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Congratulations, you've survived a whole week of Standard Time. I hope you welcomed your seasonal depression home with open arms, because you're about to see a lot of one another!
live footage of daylight savings taking the sun away at 4pm pic.twitter.com/U4rcMNpk6F
— kim (@KimmyMonte) November 5, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
sure people start getting engaged, married and having kids, BUT something nobody truly prepares you for about your late twenties is how many of your friends start running marathons
— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) November 6, 2023
2.
taking the amtrak is so fun. when you drive all you see is ugly highways but when you take the train you get to see some guy’s weird backyard
— chase (@_chase_____) November 6, 2023
3.
dark out at 4:30pm for the next 5 months... time to clock in at the ol parasocial relationship factory
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 6, 2023
4.
I'm at a Metallica concert, and the woman beside me just used her phone to google "Metallica."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 4, 2023
5.
6.
Just had to have the talk with my dad that he and my mum are at an age where he cannot call me with “bad news” if the bad news is “your mother and I are getting a fake Christmas tree for the first time”
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) November 9, 2023
7.
Overheard two Trader Joe's employees talking about some really good gossip then I realized they were recapping an episode of New Girl
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) November 3, 2023
8.
(first day as a marine scientist)
— Christina, mother of spiders ✊🦇👻🤘🐍 (@Aikiwomannc) November 6, 2023
Me: When do we get to...
Field supervisor: For the tenth time, we are not here to boop shark noses!
9.
she finally got him pic.twitter.com/10xwB6cuOQ
— Gretchen Felker-Martin (@scumbelievable) November 7, 2023
10.
once you hit like 42, your body starts actively trying to kill you.
— Imani Gandy (Orca’s Version) ⚓️ (@AngryBlackLady) November 9, 2023
a sneeze could be the last thing you do on earth
11.
I’m a simple woman and don’t ask for much. Five meals a day. Nine hours of sleep. A pair of yoga pants, complete solitude, and no social obligations whatsoever.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 9, 2023
12.
When people post things like “please pray for me! Can’t say why tho!” I’m like “dear heavenly father, can you give me the tea?”
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) November 9, 2023
13.
the spirit of a 58 year old white man overtook me briefly pic.twitter.com/qecB0fpzZ6
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) November 8, 2023
14.
Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 9, 2023
15.
This meeting could have been a fist fight
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) November 3, 2023
16.
I have compiled an exhaustive list of people who saw me last week and didn’t tell me about that chin hair. You won’t be forgiven.
— Laurie Kilmartin, Austin, Ft Collins (@anylaurie16) November 6, 2023
17.
this table is very stressful to me. when i look at it, my brain cannot process what it is for ~6 seconds. and then when i do, i'm genuinely sad? hang on, there might be someting else going on with me. let me check in with myself. ...hm no, it's literally just this Fucking table pic.twitter.com/TotJjgMiL5
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) November 6, 2023
18.
i love this time of year like is she on the verge of crying or is it allergies. you’ll never know.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) November 6, 2023
19.
People who didn’t grow up in a colonial New England state, where did you even go for your 3rd grade field trip? How did you even learn to churn butter?
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) November 2, 2023
20.
Naps are interesting because you either wake up energetic and refreshed or so lethargic and disoriented that you don’t even know where you are. Impossible to say which it will be! Fun to find out.
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) November 3, 2023
21.
Just took an everything shower pic.twitter.com/QyDjqkZviF
— abby (@budm1ser) November 7, 2023
22.
(Removing a splinter) Him: This is going to really hurt.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 6, 2023
Me: You realize I gave birth to twins right?
23.
When someone is like “if I can do it, so can you” it’s like babe that isn’t even how things work.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 7, 2023
24.
When my cat and I take a nap at the same time very close to each other that’s just parallel play 😌
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) November 7, 2023
25.
Really need you all to see this cookie jar pic.twitter.com/AawAlC25HT
— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) November 5, 2023
26.
My 8yo daughter and her friends are playing "Mommy's night out," which is a game where they pick out baby dolls, then lock them up in a bedroom while they eat macaroni and cheese.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 7, 2023
27.
seven seasons later and i can finally tell the difference between jason and brett #SellingSunset7 #SellingSunset
— within and without (@Guavah_Go) November 3, 2023
28.
We did it. Daylight has been saved but at what cost
— Eka Bakie (@EkaBakie) November 5, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
These 22 Genuinely Hysterical Tweets By Women Made My Entire Week, And I Bet They'll Make Yours, Too
...or the funniest tweets by women in October!
You'll Pass Away From Laughing At The 47 Funniest Tweets By Women Last Month (RIP!!!)