35 Genuinely Hysterical Tweets By Women That Made Me Laugh So Hard My Butt Fell Off
"Oppenheimer and Barbie has nothing on Little Women and The Rise of Skywalker playing next to each other in theaters in 2019. Beth was dying at the beach and through the walls the imperial march theme was blasting ๐ญ at her funeral you could hear the lightsabers ๐ญ" โ@gretagerwigflew
July marked the end of an era when Elon renamed Twitter to X. Obviously, this seems like a terrible decision, but his big business brain is working at a level that us mere mortals can't comprehend. (I'm still calling it Twitter, though.)
X Your Ex
โ Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) July 24, 2023
๐ค
Still trying to get your attention
even though you donโt want to
be on them anymore
Here are the 35 funniest tweets by women from July. Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
I have an appointment at the Breast Clinic and I think โappointment at the Breast Clinicโ is a good euphemism for a second date
โ Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 25, 2023
2.
the feminine urge to say โthat must be Nigel with the brieโ every time the doorbell rings
โ caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) July 21, 2023
3.
havenโt smoked weed in like 3 years and tonight I did and at first I was like oh why donโt I do this anymore itโs nice! and now iโm at the club manually breathing
โ ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) July 23, 2023
4.
The premiere sporting event of the season is here pic.twitter.com/Oz7jTxHCVK
โ amanda silberling (@asilbwrites) July 28, 2023
5.
oppenheimer and barbie has nothing on little women and the rise of skywalker playing next to each other at the theaters in 2019. beth was dying at the beach and through the walls the imperial march theme was blasting ๐ญ at her funeral you could hear the lightsabers ๐ญ
โ lex (@gretagerwigflew) July 20, 2023
6.
shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutesโฆ no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch
โ glennis โค๏ธโ๐ฅ (@theglennisshow) July 4, 2023
7.
I just found out there are no skunks outside the Americas and now I canโt stop laughing thinking about the look on the face of the first settler to get sprayed by that funny stripey cat thing
โ Yell in a Strike (@jelenawoehr) July 4, 2023
8.
My job is justโฆ Meeting pic.twitter.com/j6V8UoPuHG
โ Krystal Wu (@HelloKrystalWu) July 27, 2023
9.
It Happened To Me: I DM'd a friend and asked why I haven't seen her online in a while and then I realized it's because I muted her.
โ Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) July 25, 2023
10.
the Victorians were so fucking funny like tuberculosis was RAGING it was killing all of them and they were like waitโฆ what if weโฆ made this the beauty standardโฆ?
โ empress sissi (@historicalfits) July 28, 2023
11.
david attenborough: this is a baby seal, he is starving to death
โ charly (@charlywhymn) July 6, 2023
me: :(
david: his mother has found food
me: :)
david: there is a polar bear nearby who will eat the pup
me: :(
david: the pup makes a lucky escape
me: :)
david: the polar bear will now starve
me: :(
12.
wtf pic.twitter.com/eUw96Rw9vo
โ Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) July 27, 2023
13.
Husband and I were playing scrabble in a bar, upstate NY. Man looking over and starting conversation so we invite him to join. I played the word โMEATโ. He asks, โare bad words ok?โ. We laugh, say yes. So he adds some letters to meat. Guys. I swear to god his word was โMEATCUNTโ
โ Honey (@benegotherit) July 26, 2023
14.
2 for 2 pic.twitter.com/8vrFRihmsl
โ emily(โโฟโโฟ) (@emuhleepowurz) July 10, 2023
15.
My old housemate was a digital hoarder of epic proportions, so we had every movie on earth available to us at all times, but to watch them we had to navigate his nuts categorisations (Titanic was in โHorrorโ because, as he said, it wouldโve been v scary to be on the Titanic)
โ Lizzie Poste (@LizziePoste) July 27, 2023
16.
I told my husband โbrb, Iโm going to take some meat out,โ and he said โwhen you come back, can you take my meat out, too.โ Everyday, Iโm fighting for my life. pic.twitter.com/KqTUoU7xHh
โ โกโฅ Melanin Mami โฅโก (@TLProdigy) July 23, 2023
17.
i said โgirl dinnerโ while going down on my partner and she didnโt laugh should we call off the wedding
โ rivkah reyes is on strike (@rivkahreyes) July 31, 2023
18.
turns out having poison ivy on your knees is harder to explain than I thought
โ Panda_Moany_yum ๐ผ (@ajarfullofrage) July 6, 2023
19.
My American bf has tried gallantly to understand cricket all summer, but getting his head around the size of the trophy we play for is too much to ask pic.twitter.com/32SbeRBnvB
โ elle hardy (@ellehardy) July 31, 2023
20.
Yโall remember when we all eulogized Jimmy Carter and then he justโฆ kept on going?
โ Abby (@abby_e_o) July 31, 2023
21.
Nova Scotia is great because no matter how far we drift from our seafaring roots, all it takes is three days of rain for everyone to start speaking like an 18th century dockhand.
โ Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) July 3, 2023
"oh aye, the skies be some angry with us today" you are an accountant, stop it
22.
You don't scare me, you're not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past
โ meghan (@deloisivete) July 5, 2023
23.
innovation is everywhere pic.twitter.com/bEawHaHp9g
โ jamie loftus ๐ญ (@jamieloftusHELP) July 27, 2023
24.
whoโs my primary care doctor? thatโs me & my 18 open browser tabs, babe
โ chase (@_chase_____) June 29, 2023
25.
one time i was talking to an italian (from italy) guy online and he kept saying i should visit and i was like, 'don't italians hate fat people?' and he was like, 'no, you would be exotic to our perverts'
โ roxy demento (@falseroxy) July 6, 2023
26.
i hate when energy drinks are marketed toward men. what could they possible need energy for? telling lies??
โ meredith (@dietz_meredith) July 5, 2023
27.
The copywriter who writes Reformation's emails is so unhinged I never know what i'm going to get pic.twitter.com/tQaPPFzbDA
โ Erika Lee โ๐ผ (@erikaleetv) July 5, 2023
28.
The problem with Instagram stories is I assume everyone whose stories I watch is my friend and that is why I just replied to Sharon Horganโs story about smear tests with a level of familiarity that should have me blocked
โ Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 5, 2023
29.
having people in your life with real jobs is so humiliating. just called my brother and he immediately picked up like โhey is everything okay?โ and I said โyeah I just wanted to chat :)โ and he said โoh okay well. itโs the middle of the workdayโ my bad
โ Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) July 6, 2023
30.
Fondly remembering the time two of my transphobic colleagues wouldnโt eat my baking so I made progressively more delicious and elaborate cakes and watched them die inside from their own bigotry
โ Caitlin Spice (@catespice) July 7, 2023
31.
I canโt explain why but this outfit is Melania Trump to me pic.twitter.com/kjKRAKldAg
โ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 28, 2023
32.
Not to sound like I voted for Reagan or something but just how many new smoke shops do we need really fhdjdjdjdjd
โ Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) July 21, 2023
33.
sorry i ruined the vibe by bringing up logistics until the plan was fully formed and feasible
โ thrillhouse (@nickykens) July 20, 2023
34.
thinking about the time my sister mumbled when saying her name at starbucks and this is what the barista heard pic.twitter.com/cGF5NnQXBS
โ chase (@_chase_____) July 20, 2023
35.
Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days
โ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐น๐๐ธ๐ฒ (@im_all_id) July 21, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women in June:
I Cannot Overstate How Completely, Totally, Wildly Hilarious These 50 Tweets By Women Are
...or the funniest tweets by women in 2023 (so far)!
99 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Survived Elon Musk's First Full Year At Twitter