I Honestly Feel Sorry For Anyone Who Doesn't Read These 34 Hilarious Tweets By Women (But That's Your Loss, Sucka!!!)
"Every account of a serial killer’s life and personality is like, 'He seemed very successful and normal. Unless of course you count his obvious and obsessive hatred for women, which we didn’t.'" —@MoiraDonegan
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It's objectively great that SAG-AFTRA actors — famously some of the most attractive people on earth — have joined the picket lines. There's truly never been a 30 Rock quote more applicable to real life:
Actors joining picket lines pic.twitter.com/3fpzUKJZut
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 13, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious women on Twitter!
1.
call my ex last night drunk & he answered. i told him “and that’s why i left yo ass in the first place, cause you can’t leave your exes alone.” then i hung up.
— good girl. (@themayamonaay) July 16, 2023
2.
When you think about it, having diarrhea in a rest stop in Montana because of the obscene amount of energy drinks you’ve been drinking on your road trip is pretty much exactly like getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail
— Im @leftatlondon on other websites too (HINT HINT) (@LeftAtLondon) July 16, 2023
3.
barbie was so good that i forgot to tweet about the guy in the pink fedora who stood up during the nicole kidman movies monologue and recited it aloud with his hat over his heart. and then everyone applauded him. i love you philadelphia. pic.twitter.com/O62gqUtkvd
— faelor swift (@fifimcfae) July 20, 2023
4.
If “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies came out today, there would be an entire discourse about whether or not being the type of guy who laughs at a funeral is a trauma response
— Riane Konc (@theillustrious) July 20, 2023
5.
reading about WWII blackout regulations is wild knowing that if we tried that today around 20% of the population would immediately put up their Christmas lights in August and buy floodlights to beam at the sky
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) July 18, 2023
6.
Ok me pic.twitter.com/5f79vfa7Co
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 19, 2023
7.
me spending my own money: ATTENZIONE PICKPOCKET ‼️
— i want to bailey-ve 🛸 (@been_herde) July 17, 2023
8.
lately when i go to my friend for advice on whether or not to do something risky she just says “it’s july” and when i ask her what that means all she says is pic.twitter.com/jbQG6Aq7J3
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) July 15, 2023
9.
Are you from north america? If yes, do you do a silly little british accent sometimes as a treat?
— Sabrina (@NerdyAndQuirky) July 17, 2023
10.
First base is sex, second base is hanging out without sex, third base is we hang out in public during the day
— rosa (@sIush_puppy) July 19, 2023
11.
People in relationships: “I hear Hinge is good for meeting people!”
— Ciara (@Ciarabelles) July 18, 2023
The people on Hinge: pic.twitter.com/erNPffAwnC
12.
People who don't use contractions scare the shit out of me. "I will be there" okay with what a machete
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) July 17, 2023
13.
A guy I hooked up with hit me with a “who this” hope he remembers now! pic.twitter.com/fSJEajbAvq
— Alison (@JustAboutGlad) July 17, 2023
14.
The four seasons:
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 18, 2023
Allergies
Sunburn
Pumpkin
Depression
15.
thinking about the time i was getting an ultrasound of my breasts and i said “hey, my eyes are up here!” and the radiologist clearly didn’t think it was funny, so he turned on music to ease the tension and it was the lord of the rings theme song
— 🎀 ℜ𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔩 𝔈𝔩𝔦𝔷𝔞𝔟𝔢𝔱𝔥 🎀 (@chaotic_sub) July 16, 2023
16.
when we have a “once in a lifetime” climate event every single day pic.twitter.com/13WzwvOV3a
— Abby Barr (@1AbbyRoad) July 18, 2023
17.
the way men love vanilla perfumes is so funny to me? if u smell like a sugar cookie every man in a 10 mile radius will want to kiss you. such simple creatures, so easy to please
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) July 17, 2023
18.
I love an ellipsis… makes people think that I’m up to something…
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) July 19, 2023
19.
I’ve never seen a more British smile pic.twitter.com/X3CJNyWAbK
— Kilmartin, July: Minneapolis, San Diego (@anylaurie16) July 17, 2023
20.
Tonight my brother and I got a pepperoni and jalapeño pizza and when I went to pick it up the kid asked me if I was here for the "Roni with the peño" and I will never be the same
— AVC (@annevclark) July 16, 2023
21.
*sees a rock* damn man i should’ve gone into geology *sees a phrase* damn man i should’ve gone into linguistics *sees a cell* damn man i should’ve gone into biology *sees a painting* damn man i should’ve gone into art history *sees
— anna worm ✨🌸✨ @frogs4girls.bsky.social (@frogsforgirls) July 18, 2023
22.
Why am I like this pic.twitter.com/VP40hDWczZ
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) July 19, 2023
23.
Every account of a serial killer’s life and personality is like, “He seemed very successful and normal. Unless of course you count his obvious and obsessive hatred for women, which we didn’t.”
— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) July 15, 2023
24.
barbenheimer is the closest we’ve come to having school spirit week as adults
— kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) July 18, 2023
25.
Therapist: if you let yourself feel it, you won’t have to stew about it
— Gwendo (@sadgrlsongsgwen) July 16, 2023
Me: pic.twitter.com/gkmfofrFGv
26.
i will reach a point of summer/tanning where seeing my boobs in the mirror is like someone flashing their brights at u while driving down the road
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) July 15, 2023
27.
Hearing disturbing rumors that some of these protestors on the picket line are professional actors
— Amy (@lolennui) July 18, 2023
29.
rip jane austen who died on this day in 1817. thanks for writing life changing novels about a bunch of people going to each other's houses
— aria (@rnostardently) July 18, 2023
30.
I’m flying to my 30th high school reunion and I think I forgot to turn my stove off and also to be successful
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) July 14, 2023
31.
No comment. pic.twitter.com/Rb0GndFWpo
— Lindsey Row-Heyveld (@LRowHeyveld) July 13, 2023
32.
my friend told me in his 2nd session w/ a betterhelp therapist she asked about his son & when he replied he doesn’t have a son she just doubled down like “you know, your son who lives on the cape”, just hoping he’d go with it i guess, & when he didn’t she just changed the subject
— hil (@plume__) July 16, 2023
33.
Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?
— ho baby ;) (@ThisLocalHater) July 12, 2023
34.
The pilot of this flight just said “the crew is headed up by my ex-wife Elena” so, excited to see where this goes
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 14, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
...or the funniest tweets by women in June!
I Cannot Overstate How Completely, Totally, Wildly Hilarious These 50 Tweets By Women Are