Just 25 Absolutely Hilarious Tweets By Women
"instead of dry January I’m doing why January. it’s where every day i stand in the middle of the street & scream WHY GOD WHY" —@ElyKreimendahl
Happy 2024, everyone!!! What's your New Year's resolution? Mine is to remember that all comedy is subjective. So when I read comments like "ummmm #57 isn't funny" that's OK, it's not my fault your sense of humor is lacking. <33
happy 20024 everyone pic.twitter.com/LyTYF4VQI2
— Abby Barr (@1AbbyRoad) December 31, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
i bookmark websites with the admirable yet misguided optimism of a squirrel hiding nuts before winter only to forget they even exist come spring
— chase (@_chase_____) January 2, 2024
2.
In 2024 it’s time to give the people what they want: Dev Patel in more literary adaptations and the Muppets in more literary adaptations. You combine these ideas and you have the best picture of 2024.
— adrienne (@barelytolerabIe) January 1, 2024
3.
Winter is so embarrassing as a short woman why do I have to spend 3 months looking like this pic.twitter.com/sz7fpZ3XWD
— Kylie Brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) January 8, 2024
4.
the fact that dogs and coyotes exist in such close proximity to each other is weird to think about, imagine if we just lived alongside a feral species of 4-feet-tall humans that came out of the woods to eat our garbage at night
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) January 8, 2024
5.
can someone please ask cillian murphy what taylor swift era he is i wanna see the blankest stare in human history
— kathleen (@holdenfordfocus) January 4, 2024
6.
how you know someone is actually depressed is they won’t be listening to phoebe bridgers or elliot smith they’re listening to shit like this at 9am pic.twitter.com/Yx4rDGSOyO
— Swaggot, PhD (@eve4evaa) January 2, 2024
7.
Just once I'd like things to spiral into control
— 🌈 Susan 🌻 (@PaulineMirror) January 3, 2024
8.
"not trying to be a bitch" what a horrid lie, im lowkey always trying to be a bitch,,, we need to un-demonize the Bitch, we need to welcome her judgements bc she wouldn't make them without reason ...or at least that's what i hope
— haru (@worstamericngrl) January 4, 2024
9.
third base is when we hang out in person and i secretly have a panic attack
— melissa broder (@melissabroder) January 3, 2024
10.
hey babe sorry I’m late. got stuck behind the unfolding tragedy of narcissus again pic.twitter.com/c3Q3QsWwlh
— Gina Lloyd (@GinaGoesOutside) December 30, 2023
11.
kind of fucked up that good girl is sexual but I can’t say good boy without feeling like i’m trying to play fetch with him
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) January 12, 2024
12.
My daughter is sad because one of her preschool friends hasn’t been in school because he’s on vacation. I asked where he went and she said “he’s at the place where you can’t see the fox but the fox can see you” and I dunno I just feel like I’d need a vacation from that vacation.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 10, 2024
13.
I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little fucking paperwork.
— kate♡ (@unimpresst) December 31, 2023
14.
back to work tomorrow after 10 days off pic.twitter.com/W9w1Jfaodx
— alex (@vodkalemonades) January 1, 2024
15.
if you didn't complain about tom cruise completing the mission, despite it being impossible, i don't want to hear a single word about the "predictability" of romcoms.
— clipka (@clipka_) January 3, 2024
16.
unfortunately there’s no one i respect more than an older woman who enforces the rules of the amtrak quiet car like her life depends on it
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) December 30, 2023
17.
I think I should be able to gently say, "I think you're just kind of being a little stupid" to people and them not get mad at me
— Lauren Loudermilk (@laurenloudrmilk) December 29, 2023
18.
need to get on charlie brown’s level and finally read war and peace in 2024 pic.twitter.com/LxfacGziti
— ana (@pelicinema) January 1, 2024
19.
When I'm on deadline: Absolutely NOBODY talk to me I cannot process a SINGLE thought that is not about this story in front of me
— Hayley Harding (@Hayley__Harding) January 4, 2024
When my friends are on deadline: do you think polar bears know how to love 🥰
20.
A24 this A24 that have you ever considered A24 hour break from social media
— daisy bard (@DaisyBard) January 11, 2024
21.
I know 1 person who graduated from Harvard. The first time I met her, she asked me if she could feed cheerios to her infant, asked how to use a mop, & then told a story about how when she listed her Chicago house for sale she couldn’t remember how many bathrooms it had.I love her https://t.co/nK8SwWvcsC
— Czarina (@fishontherun2) January 3, 2024
22.
speak for yourself it’s january 1st and i’m reporting for duty https://t.co/kODX39iPoS pic.twitter.com/JyP25v6OWF
— anna melissa 🍉✨ (@annamelissa) January 1, 2024
23.
instead of dry January I’m doing why January. it’s where every day i stand in the middle of the street & scream WHY GOD WHY
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 2, 2024
24.
Yoga with Adrienne is what Americans have instead of universal healthcare.
— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) January 9, 2024
25.
it is NEVER too early to COMPLETELY write-off the year, if you suffer even the TINIEST inconvenience today then NOTHING you do wrong for the next twelve months is your fault AT ALL
— aedison.bsky.social (@aedison) January 1, 2024
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last year:
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