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31 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Made Me Laugh So Hard I Needed My Inhaler

"Plz keep me in your thoughts everyone is saying 'Happy Friyay' at work" —@katymaio

I have but one question for you, dear readers: Could a person wasting away on the internet do THIS (makes another funny tweets roundup for BuzzFeed).

As always, make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter!


My son just asked me how I know his name…… I’m not in the mood today

Twitter: @BigNeyogems


adulthood is wild because my to-do list will be like 1. buy toothpaste 2. figure out how to write a will

Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl


Being bisexual really helped me realize how different men and women view me. For example, women find my face to be my most attractive feature, but men prefer my lack of self confidence.

Twitter: @TheWittyGirl


the generation that partied to "what does the fox say" has no business judging the trends of today's youth, none

Twitter: @lizzzzzielogan


Chronic pain is your body is screaming “im in pain” and you are like ok what’s wrong and your body's like “that part is actually a secret”

Twitter: @TigNotaro


One time a coworker guilted me into sponsoring her in the Walk for Hunger. The day after the walk I handed her my $40 and asked how it went, and she tucked it into her purse and said “Oh I didn’t actually go, I went to a baby shower” So that is my Larry David origin story.

Twitter: @missmulrooney


i’m too unserious to join the military, i would be in the field on twitter like “not they throwin grenadesss😭”

Twitter: @aliyahInterlude


What’s bothering everyone today? I’ll go first, September

Twitter: @heysarahsweeney


does anyone have alanis morisette's phone number. i bought a huge expensive coffee and it all spilled on the ground. i want her to add it to that song.

Twitter: @adestout


Twitter: @1followernodad


Had my first PSL of the season!🍁☕️ (profound self-loathing)

Twitter: @omgskr


My 2yo literally told me what he wanted for dinner (hot dogs, tomatoes, grapes) went w me to the store to get it, scanned it at self check out BY HIMSELF, cut up the grapes, tomatoes and hot dog with his toddler knife, put it all on his own plate and then…refused to eat dinner.

Twitter: @clhubes


my sim ripping bong in subway eating cookies w a goblin

Twitter: @yaitskayy


New definition of "in your 30s" just dropped

Twitter: @rajandelman


Me: I want Starbucks Me: Anything for u princess

Twitter: @blanco_MP_1


two pairs of underwear on the sidewalks this morning, so it's safe to say the students are back

Twitter: @JGray_Writer


i wore fishnets outside for too long 🙃

Twitter: @gutknott


If you're having a bad day, just remember someone is dating your ex and thinking they got lucky 😂

Twitter: @SimplyySonyaa


the “you must kill lanternflies on sight” advisement in philadelphia is hilarious. i don’t think I’ve ever entered a city that gave me a side quest

Twitter: @lesbianfood


me when im overstimulated and trying not to lose my shit

Twitter: @daniihorror


People asking me if I'm all right because I'm sitting on the sidewalk. Folks, the person who's really not all right is whoever decided there shouldn't be benches in the suburbs

Twitter: @rajandelman


how many times can my WiFi be down before my job realizes I am asleep

Twitter: @magslals


her: ugh dont turn into a stingray on the sidewalk me:

Twitter: @inuyubi


The train just passed a field full of cows and no one in our car said “COWS” so I whispered it to myself. Just not ready to find out what happens when cows are not duly acknowledged.

Twitter: @andizeisler


fuck marry kill: your credit card, your student loans, your will to live

Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl


One time some kids in HS tried to bully my by lying that this more popular guy wanted to date me but it backfired completely because I was too gay to be interested back

Twitter: @ChloeCunha


me and my boyfriend got into an argument the other day and this what he sent back to my paragraph

Gonzalo Arroyo Moreno / Getty Images / Via Twitter: @nxtiajoy


if I were a baby who had been bathed fed sung to read to and lovingly shielded from the suffering and cruelty of this world all day at great personal cost to my caretakers I would simply go to fucking sleep

Twitter: @hannahmsays


lifelong friendship is so funny. I once saw you drink four loko out of an ugg boot and now you have a son named Arnold

Twitter: @ruthmadievsky


Plz keep me in your thoughts everyone is saying “Happy Friyay” at work

Twitter: @katymaio


The least funny men in the whole world will use Twitter to complain to their 17 followers about any woman who has ever had a joke go viral

Twitter: @ginnyhogan_