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31 Of The Absolute Funniest Tweets By Women So Far In 2023

"parents get so bent up when you claim to love your pet like a child but the fact is i love my dog a lot more than some of your dads loved you." —@missmayn

Wowee, time sure flies when you're barely surviving late-stage capitalism! Now that it's February, let's look back on the best tweets by women in January 2023!!

And make sure you follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!


This is such bollocks. 41 years ago two irresponsible people had unprotected sex and now I have to get up in the dark and go to work.

Twitter: @k8_lister


I went on a date with a girl and we ran into her friend and she was like “just you two tonight? omg girls night!!!”

Twitter: @itsmegangraves


Twitter: @Amy_Corp


Yet another friend has been struck down by teenage pregnancy. We're almost in our thirties but still...

Twitter: @krystlezara


Yes modernity is failing us but think about how far we’ve come. When Netflix was just delivering DVDs in the mail I shared an account with my dad that he monopolized by renting an animated French art film about cycling that he didn’t return for an entire year

Twitter: @EmmaYourFriend


you want me to find a husband? The person who is statistically most likely to murder me?

Twitter: @roastmalone_


Prepping my dad to meet my non-binary friend I cannot breathe at his response

Twitter: @TessaPaisa


The song “Work Bitch” by Britney Spears is the most powerful performance enhancing workout tool I’m aware of. It should be banned from the Olympics.

Twitter: @maevedunigan


Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.

Twitter: @mollyEatsTofu


people who wake up at 5 am love to talk about how productive their day was but forget to mention the psychotic episode they have around 6pm

Twitter: @jaxajueny


parents get so bent up when you claim to love your pet like a child but the fact is i love my dog a lot more than some of your dads loved you.

Twitter: @missmayn


Every time I see this picture I feel a level of rage I can only describe as “misogyny but for men”

Twitter: @kathbarbadoro


Y’all, I told my daughter to put socks on her reborn doll & she gon say “ you can’t tell people how to take care of they kids “ 😂 I really don’t know how much longer I can do this 😭😭😭😭

Twitter: @nyooxo


ppl rlly don’t drop money on the floor like they used to

Twitter: @f8the


Just saw a terf claim trans women "don't know what it's like to be the daughter when a son is wanted" and BABE I got NEWS

Twitter: @NightlingBug


POV: you’ve just walked into any given writers room in the 1990s

Penguin Random House / Via Twitter: @emily_murnane


Matthew Broderick: Life moves pretty fast ... Vin Diesel: And sometimes it moves pretty furious. Together: Coming to a theater near you- Movie Exec: Get out.

Twitter: @everywhereist


if you’re craving intimacy, they’re still doing those brain-scraping covid tests at the hospital.

Twitter: @silkyjumbo


rhinoplasty, lip filler, cheek implants, chin implant, jaw shave, brow bone reduction, buccal fat removal, botox and eye lift, skin bleaching

Lyons Partnership, L.P. / Connecticut Public Television / Via Twitter: @Malibubarbarian


3-year-old is skipping around singing “it’s me hi I’m the problem it’s me” and honestly it is so validating.

Twitter: @missmulrooney


crazy how dudes can hold back tears for a lifetime but cum in 30 seconds

Twitter: @soogz1


startup idea - instagram, but it only shows you photos from people you follow and in chronological order

Twitter: @jaiyagill


They just asked me to make an excel document at work, omg they’re onto me 😭

Nickelodeon Animation Studio / Via Twitter: @TheLexGabrielle


I’m sorry I was late I was watching things get crushed by a hydraulic press.

Twitter: @HollyBallantine


my pregnant friend was shopping once and a strange woman put a hand on my friend's belly so my friend put a hand on her boob

Twitter: @NicoleCLindsay


Love how you all are missing your 23 year old selves. I was 23 last year and I would shoot her with a gun

Twitter: @yikingtons


when i was a kid the height of sophistication was when a restaurant would drop like two of these in with the check

Twitter: @cryingbaseball


If I call my apartment my "house" and you correct me, you a hater fr 😭

Twitter: @rissRASTAA


5’9 but identify as 6’1. Not here for a hookup but totally will. Women, fish & babies fear me. Like bad boys? I’m bad @ everything! (that’s sarcasm) Find me in the gym looking for my Pam. Love air, food & competing. My dog has mommy issues. Don’t be ugly. Ask if u wanna know more

Twitter: @omgskr


“It’s not that deep” I’ll kill you with my bare hands

Twitter: @jaxajueny


i already messed up… 2024 my year for sure

Twitter: @Noorthevirgo

Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women:

21 Funny Tweets By Women That Will Give You The Will To Live Another Week