Has anyone else been watching that new show Jury Duty on Amazon Freevee? I'm not exaggerating when I say it's one of the funniest things I've seen recently...second only to this week's funniest tweets by women.
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Parenting is ok except for every once in a while when my 3-year-old requests “Ham Hands” for lunch, which is when she takes two handfuls of ham and eats it in the living room while she watches tv.
2.
when I tell you I suck at goodbyes, what I mean is the second I finish an episode of television I IMMEDIATELY read 5 recaps so I can experience it a little bit longer
3.
I was taking my diazepam before my flight and the Swiss guy in the seat next to me saw and guessed I was nervous, so he asked me if I liked cats and then showed me a photo of a cat dressed as a pilot and said “I heard he’s flying our plane, I think we can trust him” 😭
4.
enough
Person 1: "Girl i'm in need for the best, juciest tits in the world 😍 Is there a chance you know where i can find them 😉"
Person 2: "my tits are small and i'm crazy. leave me alone"
5.
My boyfriend’s such a good feminist. He’s always like “I’ll fucking kill any guy who talks to you,” because he gets that men are bad
6.
“Your screen time was down 1% last week” ok go off self-care queen
7.
Me watching my kid play pretend with his toys: Amazing, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, he’s a genius. Me being forced to play the same game with the same toys with him: This is so boring, I will die here.
8.
Genuinely how do Aldi not get sued every single day
9.
People on Twitter are legit arguing that Anne Frank talking about her sexuality wasn’t pertinent to the story she was telling IN HER LITERAL DIARY and I CANT I JUST CANT, SOME OF YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO BE TRUSTED WITH THE MEANING OF A SWISS CHEESE SANDWICH
10.
finding out bon jovi is actually "bongiovi" has really unglued me. who else is lying to me
11.
I (16m) brought my sister (9f) to a party where she had an allergic reaction to walnuts and on our way to the hospital she stuck her head out the window and was decapitated because I swerved near a telephone pole and now my mom is screaming in my face about it at dinner. AITA
12.
He is risen.
13.
one pride i got into an uber wearing a pride flag as a dress & the driver immediately put on christian radio. i started singing along bc i knew the song from childhood & ive never seen a more confused man in my life
14.
I was chastising my daughter for not practicing piano and I said “to be good you have to practice every day” and she said “you don’t write every day” and never have I been so effectively hoisted on my own petard
15.
Clubs aren’t that fun and I need you guys to be more honest about that.
16.
Some guy tried a romance scam on me and I went along to counter scam him. He finally asks for money, so I say "all my money is in Switzerland in a trustfund but to get it I need money for a plane ticket" he replies "that sounds like a scam" 😂
17.
Easter Bunny (L)
18.
Investment advice: put brie on the counter before bed so it will be soft in the morning
19.
do u guys remember when that terf made an a social media app where it scans ur face to make sure you’re a “real woman” before letting you make an account and literally every trans woman on here managed to make an account because the facial recognition detected us all as female
20.
i understand why ppl get mad about that book where teenagers makeout in the anne frank house and that’s why i absolutely never did shrooms there in college
21.
the sun once it starts getting nice out
22.
This fine man was flirting with me and buying me drinks last night so I gave him my number and he gon say “I have a son.” I’m like ok? Then he goes “and I have a baby momma” I’m like duh. Then he says “and we together” … sir, why you ain’t just say “I have a gf” 😂😂😂
23.
I just wanna be successful enough that if my kid grows up to pursue a career in the entertainment industry, someone makes a nasty Tiktok about how she’s a Nepo baby
24.
I love when something is somebody else’s problem. That’s my favorite kind of problem.
25.
Do you think pets have the concept of ghosts? Like do they walk around going “this house has an ominous presence, it’s probably the spirit of the old dog who lived here”