32 Hysterical Parents Who Tweeted Through Another LooOOOoooOOong Week Of Parenthood
"I hate when people say 'you look tired.' I have kids, this is just how I look now." —@mom_needsalife
Halloween is tomorrow, so RIP to every parent who has 24 hours to find a new costume for their kid!!!
It should be illegal for your kids to change their Halloween character without giving you a 30 day notice
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 25, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
My boys are all taking a week break from electronics. This morning I introduced myself to them and showed them around our home. then I took them outside and showed them the big bright light in the sky.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 24, 2023
2.
Whenever my 3yo says, "Mommy WUVS to have drinks for GROWN-UPS" I feel a mild stab of regret that we chose this term to discourage him from constantly asking to try my seltzer
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 24, 2023
3.
At what point did you become completely overwhelmed by your child’s math homework? For me it was October 24th of 3rd grade.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 24, 2023
4.
Overheard a mom alone with her 3 kids at the pumpkin patch say “guys we have to go or we will be late to Sky Zone”, that’s a lady who is paying the price to have the best sleep of her life.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 21, 2023
5.
7: mom look I got my math test back!
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) October 20, 2023
me: you got 35 out of 35 that’s 100% im so proud of you!
7: cool, so 35 and 35 is 100?
me: …like I said, said proud…
6.
kid: daddy watch this
— The Dad (@thedad) October 26, 2023
me: ok
kid: *incomprehensible movements*
me: that was—
kid: I haven't finished yet *more confusing movements*
me:
kid: *out of breath* ok done
me: that was really great sweetheart
7.
Told my son I went into labor on thanksgiving but he came on Black Friday and he asked me if I got a discount.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 24, 2023
8.
My toddler is starting to be creative and draws a lot. Especially on the couch.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 26, 2023
9.
why does he even need shampoo?? pic.twitter.com/TaBWwouOZk
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) October 26, 2023
10.
“Can you get my water, Mom?”
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) October 24, 2023
— My child, still in possession of the perfectly healthy legs I spent 9 months growing for him
11.
My period was late this month and my first thought after realizing it was, “I’m too young to be pregnant”
— angela “turns pastors into poets” weiler-hammond (@AngelaEWeiler) October 24, 2023
Let the reader understand; I’m weeks away from 29 and already have two children.
12.
“What, is your brain smaller than the Grinches heart?”
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) October 26, 2023
-My 6yo absolutely roasting me
13.
never ceases to amaze me how much puke is contained inside a tiny person.
— emily (@emilykmay) October 24, 2023
14.
my 9yo: isn’t it weird how cock has two meanings?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) October 20, 2023
me:
9: yeah a rooster and… you know… um… like how you cock a gun.
me: *wipes sweat from brow*
15.
Kid math is having a 6 seater couch but only wanting to sit directly on top of mommy
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) October 25, 2023
16.
I had the audacity to tell my kid to get their own snack and now I’m standing in the corner thinking about my actions.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 24, 2023
17.
Update: per teacher feedback she is meeting her developmental milestones & her favorite activity is eating. https://t.co/YMfc9CZ9r0
— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) October 21, 2023
18.
Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 23, 2023
19.
My 4-year-old doesn’t have school on Mondays and she has been talking nonstop for 5 hours, and that’s why I didn’t even notice that the song she was singing for 15 minutes while we browsed Home Goods contained only the lyrics “If you get run over in the parking lot you will die”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 23, 2023
20.
Thanks Amazon, you offer more conflicting reviews than my kids when I ask who started the fight.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 25, 2023
21.
my sister often runs late, so my dad always tells her to arrive 30 mins earlier than she needs to. she caught on to this and started trying to arrive 30 mins late, but now she simply runs late beyond that. will my dad now set her even earlier meeting times? this could spiral
— Shaunt (shaunvids on bsky) (@shaun_vids) October 23, 2023
22.
a haunted house, but it's just my kids taking brand new batteries and mixing them up with dead batteries they're changing out.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 25, 2023
23.
I hate when people say “you look tired.”
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) October 25, 2023
I have kids, this is just how I look now.
24.
Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 23, 2023
25.
Every day is a new opportunity for a child to poke their parents' eyes out.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 25, 2023
26.
My husband is out of town this week. My kids have been soooo good. It's almost like they know they're overqualified for this match. It's no fun when your opponent is levels below you lmao
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 25, 2023
27.
The walk of shame but it’s my toddler handing back his string cheese because he could not in fact open it himself
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) October 23, 2023
28.
You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 23, 2023
29.
10yo: If I die before you, will you be sad?
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 27, 2023
Teen:
Teen:
Teen: Probably not.
At least she thought about it before she answered.
30.
Kids be like mom look at me when you’re driving 70 mph on the freeway.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 25, 2023
31.
Picked my oldest up from school an hour early, unplanned, with McDonald’s, because the video game he wanted for his birthday next week dropped today and I spent all morning downloading it and I couldn’t wait.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) October 24, 2023
He better put me in the *nicest* nursing home someday.
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