I Cannot Overstate How Hysterical These 29 Tweets By Parents Are
"Told my sister I had to buy rice krispy treats cause I’m snack mom for my daughter’s game and she said why don’t you just make them and I said I’m sorry you have the wrong number and hung up on her." —@itssherifield
Congressman George Santos absconded his colleague's office with a baby that was not his this week, so hold your children close and keep an eye out for this Rumpelstiltskin wannabe!!!
George Santos just left Tim Burchett’s office with a baby in his arms. When asked if it was his baby, he said “not yet.” pic.twitter.com/QQsfPAo8hC
— Matt Rice (@matt____rice) October 13, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
My 3yo doesn’t understand the concept of Halloween decorations and keeps dragging our skeletons inside to play with them. I told him it didn’t make sense to have Halloween decorations inside bc nobody can see them and he said, extremely seriously “they’re part of our family.”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 17, 2023
2.
My 2yo, Miguel, had taken off his diaper at some point during his nap and when I walked in and saw it on the floor, he looked at me and said: “WHY’D YOU DO THAT, MIGUEL?????”
— emily (@emilykmay) October 13, 2023
3.
Me: *holding on by my fingernails*
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) October 16, 2023
My kid’s school: Next week is dress like a trapezoid day.
Me: But why—
School: Also bring six small pumpkins.
Me: Can’t we just—
School: The bake sale starts at noon.
Me: So help me, I—
School: One word. JOGATHON.
4.
Me: What did you do at school today!
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) October 16, 2023
My kid: Nothing.
My kid’s schools facebook page: Here’s a selection of the 48 really cool things your child did at school today!
5.
My kid keeps asking why we don't decorate outside for Halloween and I'm tempted to buy a bunch of posterboard and just write the scariest things I can think of on it....like "daycare is calling you at work right before a big presentation," or "Check Engine light comes on"
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) October 18, 2023
6.
Currently, our only Halloween decor is a pair of homemade jack-o-lanterns.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 18, 2023
We walked past a neighbor's yard, decked for the holiday, and I said, "Look at the cute little ghost!"
"I wike that," my 3yo said cheerfully. "And I wike the wittle ghost we have at our house, too."
💀
7.
My daughter is coloring at the kitchen table and she called me in and asked me to move this unicorn upstairs to her bedroom, as she “needs some quiet time away from him.” pic.twitter.com/lnMWESyAff
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 16, 2023
8.
Overheard my kids whispering outside my bedroom door and one of them said “she hasn’t had coffee yet” and then they both backed away from my door and it was quiet again.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 18, 2023
9.
There are those kids who are sad to learn beef comes from cows, then there’s my daughter who wants to know why we don’t call cows beef.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 18, 2023
10.
How do you get a teenager to stop talking back without also going to prison for life?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 20, 2023
11.
me: good morning!
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 17, 2023
7 year old: one way to keep a robber from stealing your jewelry is to fill your house with tnt and when he breaks in to blow it all up. Oh...but then your jewelry and house blow up. Nevermind, that plan won't work. Can I have a waffle?
12.
Thinking about the time my toddler was looking at his pruny fingers after a bath and said ‘mommy they look like your forehead.’
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 18, 2023
13.
My 7yo has captured Monday energy perfectly.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 16, 2023
Today she woke up and said “mommy do you ever wake up and want to say bad words”
All the time baby girl. All. The. Time.
14.
Having a child is fun bc everything was calm and now there’s someone screaming at you because there aren’t enough acorns
— River Clegg (@RiverClegg) October 16, 2023
15.
As further evidence that Covid has caused Gen Z to challenge traditional concepts of social interaction, my 11 y/o daughter randomly asked me this morning, “How is bobbing for apples even sanitary?”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 16, 2023
16.
Me, answering my child’s question at 9 AM: Venus is the hottest planet because of its proximity to the sun and its thick atmosphere compromised of gases like CO2.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 16, 2023
Me, answering my child’s question at 9 PM: Go to bed.
17.
My daughter decided that she wanted to contribute to tailgating so she made “peanut butter spoons”. What are peanut butter spoons you may ask? Just spoons with peanut butter on them. They were a big hit.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 15, 2023
18.
I’ll be at the book fair all morning with 3 different classrooms so if anyone needs a $70 fluffy pencil or a $40 eraser that doesn’t work hit me up.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 19, 2023
19.
My kid wants a Yes Day so I said let’s have one starting now and her eyes lit up and then I said go clean your room and that’s when she figured out where she made her mistake.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 15, 2023
20.
One of my students was not paying attention tonight. Walking around no shoes on all under the table I was like ma’am this is a university 🥴 pic.twitter.com/oX4MQjfHVv
— Chels Please! (@ChelsIsRight) October 19, 2023
21.
Wrote something about a toddler having a tantrum at a store & a mom commented that toddlers shouldn’t have to endure trips to a store & that if moms made it fun & engaging tantrums wouldn’t happen. I can only assume that this “mom’s” kids are imaginary.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) October 18, 2023
22.
A kids version of the “Saw” movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2023
23.
One of the scariest things you can hear this time of year is the faraway voice of a small child...
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 13, 2023
...shouting from another room in the house, "MOMMY, I MAKING MUD FOOTPRINTS WITH MINE BOOTS!"
24.
Told my sister I had to buy rice krispy treats cause I’m snack mom for my daughter’s game and she said why don’t you just make them and I said I’m sorry you have the wrong number and hung up on her.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 17, 2023
25.
ruin your teenagers day by trying to make it a fun day for them.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 17, 2023
26.
My daughter turns 4 today and when I asked her if she wants to do anything special for her birthday she said “I want to eat an extra meal.” Approved.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 18, 2023
27.
Me to 8yo daughter: omg why are you like this?!
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 14, 2023
Husband: [slowly lifts mirror to my face]
Don't miss the funniest tweets by parents last week:
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I Cannot Overstate How Wildly Hilarious These 47 Tweets By Parents Are