I Can't Stop Cackling At These 33 Parents Who Prove Raising Kids Is 100% Not For Everyone
"most often it's cute when kids have alternative names for things. however my 8yo calling taco bell's cinnabon delights 'creamy balls' confirms that we are out of the cute-renaming-of-things stage." —@dadmann_walking
We're well into summer vacation now, and every parent is beyond exhausted. So here are 33 funny tweets that take absolutely no energy to laugh at. Enjoy!
I’m an exhausted parent. You might remember me from such hits as “No, absolutely not. Never in a million years.” and its sequel “Okay, fine.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 11, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
Obsessed with this game my 3yo and 7yo are playing called “Wake Up The Grandpa” in which one of them pretends to sleep and the other one over and over again kicks/punches/body slams them and says “Does that wake up the grandpa?”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 12, 2023
2.
Potty training is so hard, omg. I mean not for my son, he picked it up right away. But for me bc now I have to pretend to have a celebration on the scale of the Wedding Crashers wedding hopping montage every time he pees. Which is apparently 47 times a day.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 10, 2023
3.
NO PEPPA PIG! THEYVE IGNORED IMPORTANT SAFETY REGULATIONS! pic.twitter.com/a1jTDiTmBi
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 6, 2023
4.
The reaction I got from my kids when I told them I was born in 1978 you'd think I'd said BC
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 13, 2023
5.
One of the most rewarding parts of parenthood is when your child is finally old enough to have deep and meaningful conversations with you like, ‘Mom, do you know why your makeup always looks so crusty?’
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) July 12, 2023
6.
most often it's cute when kids have alternative names for things. however my 8 yo calling taco bell's cinnabon delights "creamy balls" confirms that we are out of the cute-renaming-of-things stage.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 12, 2023
7.
Having a tough day today. My kid told me I have “the stinkiest butt on planet Earth” and he’s just a little kid but if he’s right this is devastating news.
— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCaveman) July 11, 2023
8.
My son asked me for a younger sibling. I said whats the point even if I started today you'll be 7 years older than the child, you can't even do anything together. Why this boy got in my face talmbout "BUT I DO THINGS WITH YOU ALL THE TIME AND YOU ARE SO MUCH OLDER THAN ME" pic.twitter.com/FGHAUIXgTw
— Ozzy (@ozzyetomi) July 11, 2023
9.
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on board?!
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) July 14, 2023
Me: [remembering the time I pulled a splinter out of my child’s butt…begins to uncross legs and perk up]
10.
living with a toddlers is like living with a velociraptor: it’s gets more dangerous when they learn how to open doors
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) July 11, 2023
11.
Just got released early from jury duty while my husband is home with the kids. Do I…
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) July 10, 2023
1. pretend they kept me the whole day and have some me time, or
2. pretend they kept me the whole day and have some me time?
12.
You can spend your whole life thinking you’re the heroic type but you really don’t know until it’s put to the test like say when your every instinct tells you to use your 8yo as a human shield against an approaching clown.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 13, 2023
13.
My 3yo: That vehicle has a crabber on the front.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 8, 2023
Me: What?
3yo: For crabbing stuff.
Me: oh you mean a grabber for grabbing stuff?
3yo (making claws with his hands): no, its called a crabber. Like the creature that lives in the sea. A crabber. It crabs things.
14.
The baby's favorite food is strawberries and she calls them, "the babies." We got looks in the store when she asked loudly to eat the babies
— Trey (@treydayway) July 10, 2023
15.
Im writing a parenting book called kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) July 13, 2023
16.
My daughter is protesting the next stage of life after going through “the talk” at school, “Puberty is unfair. Boys get stronger, we just get to have babies.” The line for the 6th Grade revolution forms on the right.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) July 13, 2023
17.
Keep your friends close and your friends who are willing to watch your kids closer.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 12, 2023
18.
7: mama, I will eat everything you pack in my lunch
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 13, 2023
me: that’s wonderful
7: except the things I don’t like
me: there it is
19.
On the way to preschool, my daughter asked from the back seat of the car if she could draw in the book I'd left there. I said, "Sure, find a blank page." After a minute, she said, "I drew a picture of you as the sun." pic.twitter.com/jA9QcL5tcU
— Jay Jennings (@JayJenni) July 6, 2023
20.
7: mom what’s chicken made of?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 8, 2023
me: um, chicken
7: oh, ok…are we made of chicken?
me: no…
7: how about our dog?
me: *rips up application to harvard*
21.
Suggested that my 5yo put jam on his waffle since we ran out of syrup, and judging by the look on his face, I will be hearing from his lawyer
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 12, 2023
22.
Reasons my 3 y/o cried this week:
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) July 14, 2023
-The orange ice pop he picked out wasn’t red
-His little brother woke up from a nap
-I turned on an episode of Bluey and not the lava episode of Bluey
-My wife and I hugged in the kitchen
23.
As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that's why trolling them is so vital.
— Brock (@Brock_Teee) July 13, 2023
24.
Why is the youth soccer portal giving me grief about my password not being secure enough? Should I be more worried about hackers getting into my youth soccer account and signing my kid up for fall soccer without my permission??
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 10, 2023
25.
There are four little girls fighting in my house right now because they all want to play family, but nobody wants to be the mom. I've never felt so seen.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 8, 2023
26.
I’m sorry for being so bold, but Bert is Cool Ranch and Ernie is Nacho Cheese.
— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) July 14, 2023
27.
i’m teaching a 6th grade summer school comic class. today we were making 4-panel comics; the assignment was “tell me a joke in only 4 panels.” i was walking around and saw one of them was in the process of drawing this (pictured: my sloppy recreation) pic.twitter.com/D6bYqDgBZN
— Tucker Wooley⚡️ (@tucker13x) July 13, 2023
28.
accidentally used my teenage son's deodorant and now my hair looks like blanch from Golden Girls.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 13, 2023
29.
My kid says she’s not tired and wants to stay up with me, I told her that’s fine but she’s gonna be pretty bored when she discovers that I’m going to bed
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 14, 2023
30.
Holding your wife's hand
— Draggin Father Behind (@DragginFatherB) July 13, 2023
4yo: Absolutely fucking NOT
31.
I was annoyed because I know I told my husband something that he swears I never said, and then my son jumped in and said, "Yeah, Daddy, Mommy did say that." And just like that, I now have a favorite child.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 12, 2023
32.
I kept calling the reptiles at the zoo “he” and “that guy” to my son and an 8 year old girl came up to me and said “they could be GIRLS, you know” and I’m both scared of her and want her to be President
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 9, 2023
33. And finally, a tweet for those of us who looked in the mirror one day and realized we've become our parents:
“we really need this rain” i say to myself as i slowly become my parents
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) July 13, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by parents last week:
32 Hilarious Viral Tweets By Parents That Made Me Howl With Laughter
...or the funniest tweets by parents in June!
50 Hilarious Parents Who Tweeted Through Another LooOOOoooOOong Month Of Parenthood